5 To Thrive

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A story… Recently, I woke up and I felt off. About 20 minutes into reorganizing my bathroom closet, I realized that I was in hard-core avoidance mode. As I weeded out the slimified old lotion bottles, I knew it was time.

I sat down and cried. I didn’t judge or question myself. I journaled. THEN, that afternoon, I connected with two friends to process the meltdown.

crying is so hard. that’s why god invented brownies.

Ukraine: What can you do?

Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.

Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.

oh no. is denis okay?

Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 002: Who’s your teacher?

What’s up, my beautiful friend? How are you and how are you taking care of your learning spirit today? I am cuddled under two blankets on a couch next to two dogs who know something’s up.

Yep, there are suitcases, snacks, and pillows next to the front door. My wife and I are heading out for a weekend away. And (sound the trumpets!) I’ve slept in the last two days. I almost feel like my-rested self again. Kinda like I finished finals. Makes me wonder what grades I got. 🧐

Which reminds me. I grew up with two parents as teachers. I learned the deep value of learning. Somehow, I also developed a belief that, if you weren’t a teacher in a school, then I wasn’t listening. I was closed. Before I was self aware, I even told people they were wrong. 🤦‍♀️ No wonder I ended up on work assignments surrounded by potatoes. 🥔

Once I opened up to the humble possibility that anything could be a teacher, magic happened. My healing accelerated. Relationships improved. My anxiety got better. I’ve since learned from wise men, friends, sidewalks, my stepdog, and being quiet.

Like, thanks to what I learned from my sleep deprivation, I know I need support with my son’s soccer stuff. I’m setting up a carpool for his next soccer group. Regular bedtimes, here I come! 👊 🛌

So, my beautiful friend. Here’s an invitation for you.

Stay humble, open, and curious. The world can be your teacher. You can learn from the least and most of beings. Even the sky on your dog’s potty break can reveal to you that presence is a precious gift.

Heidi Esther
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And with that, I give you Episode 002 of Live with Heidi and Heather. We talk about personal development, and why, like teachers, it can make your life.

Cheshire Cat Exercise

Sometimes we get so focused on what we’re doing, or how much we got accomplished, we forget to stay open. To all the world is trying to teach us.

Curiosity. In my upcoming book, it is one of the first mindsets I adopted before I could move forward. In the companion workbook that will come out with my book, I talk about how to cultivate curiosity. And…it usually starts with a question. “Would releasing my money blocks be interesting?” OR “Why am I not happy?” OR “I wonder how it would feel to…”

When your inner critic arises, thank them for their input and years of service. Tell them they can still ride in the car but they no longer get to drive OR choose the podcast. Tell them that your curious, brave, creative soul is in the driver’s seat.

Open yourself up to your inner curiosity. Let your voice be heard. Then, follow your curiosity up and down the winding roads. Breath and learn from the road blocks. Why? Because you’ll soon be driving alongside the joyful love of your life: YO.U.

SuperStep 2: Waking Up & Letting Go

Welcome to SuperStep 2: Waking Up & Letting Go. The Second of Five SuperSteps in the SoulSanity Everyday Superhero Method! (Here’s the First SuperStep!)

To Publish or not, is that the question?

November 2017 at my kitchen table.

ohhh! I wonder what heidi esther is publishing???

Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best

You made it to the last of the MomSanity Four Agreements Series! Wahooo! Here’s a link to more The Four Agreements info. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, the Fourth Agreement is: Always Do Your Best.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

Cold Shoulders

I sat at my desk, looking through my miniblinds to the parking lot. My hands retreated from my keyboard like wilted flowers as I watched two of my coworkers fast-walk to a car, out of view.

The two people I trust the most at my job went to lunch without me. And, even worse, they tried to hide it from me. I felt an old ego-driven defense spike up from my inside. I didn’t do anything wrong. They are the ones with issues.

AIEEE! doing her best might be challenging for heidi esther! read on!

Agreement 3: Don’t make assumptions

“Why would they not even tell me this when it happened – two years ago?”

We’re knee-deep in the MomSanity Four Agreements Series! This month-long series shows how I try to adopt the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, the third agreement is: Don’t make assumptions

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

Nothing like a 20th High School Reunion

I stood there, waiting to clean up,  in my long dress and tired feet. Stacey, my fiancee, squeezed my hand. Mmm mmm mmm mmm by the Crash Test Dummies played in the background. A calming base to the noise of my high school classmates leaving the bar. Six months of planning, and all I got were a night-full of cold shoulders and looks at me and Stacey. Damned anti-gay conservative suburban classmates. 

I sniffed up tears as I paid the bill. I did some quick math in my head, and the first smile of the night crept across my face. “Hey!” I exclaimed to the few who stayed after to clean up. “We raised almost fifteen hundred dollars towards our class gift!”

Now, you might have a question here. Don’t high school classes give gifts to their school at graduation? Yes, but…

oh no! What happened with heidi esther’s class gift? Read on, brave warrior!

The Great Cup Experiment of 2019

I have to get on his email list. This dude is legit. Oh no, what is Heidi Esther in for this time?

Tribe Conference Day 3: Sunday.

If you want to know where I am, read this story first.

First speaker: Joseph Michael

Holy crap! This man is a miracle. With three kids at home and his mortgage past due, what does he do? He records tutorials for Scrivener in his car on lunch breaks. In no time, he makes so much that he quits his day job & lives happily ever after. Now he is a motivational speaker.

I have to get on his email list. This dude is legit.

what does this joseph guy have to do with heidi Esther?? He’s not even a writer!

Am I a writer? I don’t feel like one…

Somehow, this all feels so dangerous to me. Shouldn’t I be at a conference for professional fundraisers? What am I doing here?

October 2018, Nashville

Oh my god, Jeff is walking towards me. Should I say something?? He’s, like, in charge of this whole thing. The side of my nose starts to heat, and so does one side of my neck. Yes, I look like a giraffe when I get nervous. A gift from my fifth decade of life. Super. I look down and pretend to interest myself in a giant potted plant nearby. What waxy leaves you have…

“Jeff, hey! How’s it going?” says someone else.

My whole body relaxes. Saved by the bell.

man, Jeff souns like a celebrity!

What happened to my new life: The grey days

Placing her hand on my heart.

Stacey: And you need time to see how amazing you are and love yourself, too.

God, thank you for putting Stacey in my life.

A crappy grey day in February, 8 years ago

Sitting at my dining room table, staring at my quiet phone.

The floor and trim, ebony. Walls, an impersonal white. One side, an equally ebony oversized Goodwill china cabinet, filled with my everyday dishes, glasses. My small kitchen sucks. The other wall, covered in preschool artwork. The table itself, awash with crayons, paper, glue. They went to Dad’s house in the middle of craft time. I’ll pick that up later, I said two days ago. An ass-cold day, throwing sleet on the window. The useless overhead light casting a smoke-stained glow. 

Nobody likes you.  

Say it ain’t so! How could that be? what’s going on with her?
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