2013 | Heidi Esther, Joyologist

Today’s Lesson from the Bullies

I shake my head. Over the next ten minutes, I fill the void of the house with swear words of technological frustration and install the software to see the files. I take a sip from my second cup of coffee, and click on the resume doc, hoping it will load.

Unlikely Discrimination Series 2 of 2. Read the first story here!

LIsten to this story on buzzsprout

The Next Lesson from the Bullies

The next weekend, I’m sitting at my crowded dining room table. Two stacks of papers, books, and an unopened laptop in front of me, connected to an external drive. Dark-wooded windows, heavy-lidded from the rainy early-Spring weekend afternoon. A tall dark buffet, inches behind my seat, taking up more air. A yellow-checkered Goodwill lamp across the room does nothing to combat the gloom.

I open up the laptop and take a deep breath. I have to leave my job. My hands clench in frustration. I can’t handle my boss anymore, ignoring me and not talking to me. I notice a clenched jaw to go along with the fists, and stretch them both out wide, ready to stretch open to a new job.

You ever have a job search to escape your current environment? i hear ya!

Discrimination from the most unlikely place (1 of 2)

There is as much love and connectedness at the country club as around my Goodwill-furniture living room.

(Unlikely Discrimination Series 1 of 2. Second story coming July 7) Click Here to Listen to this episode!

“Good morning, Deb. Good morning, Karen. Mornin’ Becky,” my boss says as he racewalks to his office. Various polite versions of Good Morning are said in exchange. He glances at me without saying a word, clutching his coffee. He stops next to my desk, turns his gaze, and peeks into the next office.

not even a hello for Heidi Esther? What is she gonna do? read on, compassionate soul!

What happened to my new life: The grey days

Placing her hand on my heart.

Stacey: And you need time to see how amazing you are and love yourself, too.

God, thank you for putting Stacey in my life.

A crappy grey day in February, 8 years ago

Sitting at my dining room table, staring at my quiet phone.

The floor and trim, ebony. Walls, an impersonal white. One side, an equally ebony oversized Goodwill china cabinet, filled with my everyday dishes, glasses. My small kitchen sucks. The other wall, covered in preschool artwork. The table itself, awash with crayons, paper, glue. They went to Dad’s house in the middle of craft time. I’ll pick that up later, I said two days ago. An ass-cold day, throwing sleet on the window. The useless overhead light casting a smoke-stained glow.

Nobody likes you.

Say it ain’t so! How could that be? what’s going on with her?

Damned, I mean, Thank You + Free Gift!

A gratitude story-poem. PLUS! A resilience-building gift for YOU. For all seasons!

I woke up, 
  mornings. 
My sky, 
  blinding aura. 
My head as 
  icepicks hammering. 
Sweat,
frozen feet
as a limp doll
on the bathroom floor, 
penance for 
  obeying the
  God of 
   Endless
    Doing.
Insides,
 blindly following.
What have I done? 
I've given myself
 a chance
 at perfect. 
For that 
 painful respite, 
 I am grateful.

Is this like when people make lemonade from lemons? Yes, and lemonade from sugar, too. BOOM! Read on!

Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring

Engagement Series 1/3: How Can I Love You? Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing, with love

**If you like it, do you have to put a ring on it?**

Me: I mean, yes. I’ll marry you. Someday. I love you. Truly, madly, deeply. You know.

Stacey (sheepishly): Yea, baby. I know.

Me: Can I see the ring?

will heidi put the ring on and (gasp!) become the ACCOMMODATING wife again? read on!

Engagement Series 1/3: How can I love you?

Engagement Series 1/3: How Can I Love You? Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing

Coffee with a caveat

Stacey walked down my narrow, dark, second-floor hallway. She has this rock-star swagger about her walk. When we walk, her Air Force service gives her the intuitive tools to lock-step together, which I find romantic. She held my morning coffee in her hand, which, of course, fully endeared her to me. Then, something unexpected happened.

She didn’t hand over the coffee and got down on one knee.

will heidi ever get her morning coffee? Read on!

Elvis Series 1/3: 10 Things I Hate about Her Dog

Elvis Series 1/3: 10 Things I hate about her dog . Elvis Series 2/3: The Fire Swamps. Elvis Series 3/3: The end of the Dog-inning

7 years ago: Meet the Satellite

Me: Doesn’t it ever bother you that Elvis is always following you around?

Stacey: No, I think it’s kinda cute.

Me: But, don’t you ever want a break from him?

Stacey: Why would I ever need a break from this handsome man?

I stared over to a long nose attached to a tiny black head. Brown-black eyes stared back at me intensely. I couldn’t see any other part of Elvis; he was hidden behind Stacey’s knee.

why is Heidi so sassy about ELVIS? What’s the deal? Read on!