What does it take to keep Enjoying The Ride that is life, when things are uncertain. When things are scary? When things are out of your control?
oh man, what kinda ride did heidi esther go on? read on, brave soul!Tag: boundaries
5 To Thrive
Jump to the 5 to Thrive Quiz!
A story… Recently, I woke up and I felt off. About 20 minutes into reorganizing my bathroom closet, I realized that I was in hard-core avoidance mode. As I weeded out the slimified old lotion bottles, I knew it was time.
I sat down and cried. I didn’t judge or question myself. I journaled. THEN, that afternoon, I connected with two friends to process the meltdown.
crying is so hard. that’s why god invented brownies.On Burnout.
When burnout happens, it’s time to love yourself with abandon + break out one small but mighty sentence: I quit.
A story on Burnout: Loving Mirror Walk
I walked next to a friend, in the crisp, late fall air. The heat generated from the first two miles let me know I’d need a shower when I got home, no matter how much i vented my coat. A fellow prolific creative, heart-centered momma, and woman finding her way to joy, we never tire of topics to connect over.Â
As an enneagram two, I invited her to share her recent experiences first; create that safe container for friendships. I used to think I did this because I didn’t think that much of myself. Now, I know I do it because it’s my nature.
As we started our second mile, she stopped, turned towards me, and stated
“Heidi, I don’t know if I could do what you do; sit and create every day at the same time and put out something once a week.”
As she said this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My legs turned as heavy as anchors; I caught my breath. I could tell my defensiveness (i.e. ego) kicked in as my insides were pointing me towards something I already knew, like one of those 1950’s arrowed diner signs.
“Well, I sat down and wrote my book at the same time every day, it’s a routine that feeds my joy of writing.” my ego spoke back, then the softening occurred.
“And I have felt like butter scraped over too much bread lately.” my non-ego part of me finished the thought.
- The next day, I sat down to write a story and poem. I couldn’t.
- The day after, I did twelve straight hours of housework and kid..
- The next, passive-aggressive-resentful Heidi woke up. I could feel her snarky valley girl voice weighing down my spirit. “Like that will ever happen,” “not like they care,” and “God, why can’t my teenagers parent themselves?” circled through my brain like a squeaky merry-go-round. I self-edited so much, I became an introvert.
- The day after was Monday. With my wife and kids gone to work, I couldn’t open my laptop. It felt like it would be one-thousand pounds. Instead of letting my head go into a death-to-Heidi’s-new-career spiral, I made healthy food and took two naps.
- Finally, the next day, I woke up and cried. Yes, a breakdown.
I spent the rest of the week eating and napping.
The next week, I started wondering what was going on. A word immediately came to me: Burnout. And it reminded me I’ve been blogging for eighteen months, podcasting for seven, growing Facebook for twelve, and co-hosting a Youtube show + Facebook Group for three. My focus has been on those things. Trying to be more helpful. For more people. Growing too slowly to help, at least in the monetary sense. And the hard truth, I couldn’t keep it all up. No matter how much I wanted to. Â
The SoulJourner QUESTion
The Solution >> I journaled about what will help me. The answer: Focus on my book and course. And another word came into my sphere: Alignment. I need to align my focus with who I am. Honor my needs for rest and quiet so I can share my deep, sometimes humorous, insights with you. To do this, I need to quit some things.
My wish for you: May you take time to ask yourself what’s important, and may you remember to bring your self, your vision, your personality, and your needs for self-care right alongside it. The universe wants you brilliant, whole, and loved. For that’s how you were born and how you were made to be. And May you create your very own Burnout Balm to soothe and heal your heart and soul!
The Solution: Burnout Balm
A special heartfelt thanks to the teachers who helped me uncover my own Burnout Balm: my walk with my creative friend, Alexandra Taketa’s blog post, and the books: Burnout, Miracle Morning for Entrepreneurs, and Dear Writer, You need to Quit.
Episode 4: Four Steps to your Personal Freedom
November 2021
Hello my dear friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? Yep, the rumors are true. I took a before-work nap today. Four nights this week, I’ve been in kid-shuffling-around mode at night. And then Elvis, my step-dog, woke me up twice right before wake up time. When my alarm went off, I groaned.
A little voice inside of me said please to go back to sleep. Then another said suck it up, you’ll be fine. A third said, get your stuff done, get the kids out of the house, and lay back down. Boom. I had my answer.
On this Thanksgiving eve, I have a word gift for you. You might associate it with a favorite hymn or your Thanksgiving meal. I assure you, this word is not only for church or holidays. The word is
Grace.
We sing about grace in the Church. We hope we receive it from God when we have fallen. We give grace for bountiful food and company that nourishes our bodies and souls.
Going forward, I challenge you to think of Grace in a new way. To take Grace, wrap it up, and give it back to yourself with passionate abandon. Let it rain on you as a watershed of compassion and love and forgiveness. Give yourself grace for being and living the miracle that is You. No matter how you woke up. No matter what “they” said or did. No matter what. Period.
But I mess up all the time, you might be saying to yourself. What then? You don’t make mistakes. You are not a mistake. You have unexpected, and sometimes uncomfortable, steps along your path. Why? So you learn what you’re meant to. Why? So you can unlock and live your happiness, freedom, and joy.
So, whadda ya say? Try it with me?
And would you like to know the three other steps that help me show up every day, guilt-free, worry-free, in joy, with freedom and love for myself? Listen to Heather and I talk Personal Freedom.
Sending you love, light, grace, and laughter, Heidi Esther
Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 4
Watch Episode 4: Four Steps to Your Personal Freedom
Did you like the show? Don’t forget to like and subscribe to our YouTube channel.
The SoulJourner QUESTion
Three ways to engage Grace.
- Will you take the Grace challenge?
- Facebook Question of the week: Who embodies Grace to you? Answer on my Facebook page.
- Facebook POLL of the week: What word do you most associate with grace? Join & answer in the Live with Heidi and Heather Group.
Ready for more Live with Heidi and Heather shows? Check out our page.
Or subscribe to our YouTube Channel!
Garage Sailing is a Dangerous Sport, Part 2
Garage Sailing is a dangerous sport for Heidi Esther. Will her recovering soul now figure out how to enjoy it with her practical adversary, her wife? For the first part of the story, click here!
The Ship takes a Nosedive
Stacey comes over and looks down to a colorful set of six plastic paper plate holders in my hand. She pauses, and begins.
“Sweetheart, we used to have these exact ones and we never used them. And we don’t have any paper plates. You remember – the last time we had paper plates was our wedding six years ago? And paper plate holders aren’t on the list,” she says, pointing to the piece of paper in my hand. A third cash register receipt.
I can’t take it any longer.
Will heidi esther say something she regrets? Oh no!Sailing is a Dangerous Sport, Part 1
Sailing is a dangerous sport for Heidi Esther. Though she’s recovering from her sorted past, can she now enjoy it? Or will her differences with her wife ruin it for good? For Part 2, the conclusion, click here!
I have a confession.
A dozen years ago, this summer, I had an addiction. Toward the end of every week, I’d get excited. Ready for my first hit. The adrenaline high coursing through my veins. I dreamt of it. I knew, as long as I was patient, it would come.
By Friday morning at seven, it was go-time. Sometimes Daddy wasn’t even awake. My two toddlers and I were like quiet and efficient mice. I buckled them into their toddler seats, cranked up the sing-a-long CD, and drove to Dunkin’ Donuts.
what the heck is she addicted to??? read on to find out!Your Gateway to Healing, A conversation
Heather and I came together for a conversation about her Gateway to Healing journey. Her dog. And her new book. Below the PDF is the video.
check out the convo!Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best
You made it to the last of the MomSanity Four Agreements Series! Wahooo! Here’s a link to more The Four Agreements info. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, the Fourth Agreement is: Always Do Your Best.
Agreement 1Â /Â Agreement 2Â / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4
Cold Shoulders
I sat at my desk, looking through my miniblinds to the parking lot. My hands retreated from my keyboard like wilted flowers as I watched two of my coworkers fast-walk to a car, out of view.
The two people I trust the most at my job went to lunch without me. And, even worse, they tried to hide it from me. I felt an old ego-driven defense spike up from my inside. I didn’t do anything wrong. They are the ones with issues.
AIEEE! doing her best might be challenging for heidi esther! read on!Family Night, Shamly-Night, Who needs Family Night?
Barbara’s spinning the recliner chair, again? I wonder what happened?
Post-Dinner Bliss
It is Wednesday at 6:27 pm. My belly content from a healthy dinner. My body hitting relaxation mode as I exit a clean kitchen. Like it never happened is our new family motto for the kitchen. That’s how clean it needs to look after breakfast, second breakfast, hot lunch, snack, tea time, and dinner. It’s working pretty well.
I pause as Stacey, my wife, wraps a block of frozen something in a kitchen towel to thaw overnight. I turn off the light.
With devilish excitement in my voice, as if suggesting dessert for breakfast, “jammies?” Stacey gives me the nod of approval.
Ohhh! I wonder what Jammy family night will be?? Read on!Naptime with the Sweetness
A story about napping sounds lovely. What could possibly go wrong?
The Starting Block
I wipe the corners of my mouth. My half cup of minestrone soup and a half slice of whole wheat bread are but a delicious memory now. Thank you, the fifth decade of my life, for letting me know that portion-control is a thing.
I have come to that soft, quiet, pause after lunch. The kids are still doing homework. Stacey is reading with her “Come any closer and I’ll punch” Hulk sign up. The sun warms even the floorboards. No thoughts of chugging Diet Cokes or “what should I be doing now?” invade my brain. No, there are more important games afoot…
Sitting at the kitchen table, I can feel it coming. I let it completely envelop me. My body relaxes, agrees. Yes, it’s
ohhh, this sounds nice! can’t you envision some massage music in the background? Read on!
