Stories

Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

Barbara: We’re going to the castle in the clouds.
The next 20 seconds is lovely. Our boat docks.
Barbara carries me and the egg over to…a plank??

Gaming Series 1/2: What happened when I tried playing Roblox, Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

Adopt Me!

Barbara and I go through the Roblox “stylizing” process once more (I don’t change a thing) and are dropped in a cartoon town at wintertime. Even when I fall in the lake, I still skate like Snoopy. Brilliant.

An egg starts following me around.

Me: Barbara, there’s an egg creepin’ on me…

I thought this game was about pets?? Maybe it’s about reptiles! Read on to see the hatch!

An infinite, ancient Christmas gift for you

Or, as Dr. Seuss more-eloquently said, “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you.”

It is four days after the winter solstice. The sun graces our northern hemisphere a couple more minutes each day. Bringing gifts of awakening and light. And the promise of vaccines bringing the gift of life at the end of this horrific pandemic tunnel, too.

And it’s Christmas!

What kind of gift is an ancient one??? Sounds interesting! read on!

Gaming Series 1/2: When I tried playing Roblox

Are we raising children who are too lazy to virtually work for virtual money? I don’t like my survivability prospects.

Gaming Series 1/2: What happened when I tried playing Roblox, Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

In sweet memory of childhood Christmas breaks filled with my brothers and I playing video games.

Me: Okay, Barbara, I’m ready if you are. 

Barbara in her thermals, and I in my fleece nightgown settled down for a long winter’s nap fun winter’s break. 

OHHH! I wonder what they’re going to play? Read on and find out, joyful spirit!

One Lunch that was too big to Stomach

Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a car. Not in a bar. Not here OR there.

PSST! Scroll to the bottom of One Lunch Too Big and claim your FREE Gift! Hint: It involves soap 🙂

God, I so miss going out to lunch…

My face turned hot. My lips pursed. My stomach lurched. I quickly grabbed my fork and knife and concentrated on cutting my pizza into toddler squares. Still listening to Betsy. 

Betsy: A woman I’ve known for a year. How could I not see? Was I, now, my own social media filter? Has she been presenting facts that I, simply, could not, would not – recognize? 

what’s so different about betsy? And why is heidi freaking out about it? read more!

Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the Most Aunt-Flo-der-ful, Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

After one beer and 14 hours of work

I’m sure it’s sweat. It’s after dark and still in the 90s. 

I scan the landscape. For the darkest path. In case Aunt Flo decided not to leave. Bee-atch.

Okay, can’t walk-run to my car. My purse is in the office. Breathe. My next steps:

  1. Cross the Welcome station
  2. Walk ½ way up the Circle Drive 
  3. Get past the Valet-guarded doors
  4. Dodge outcoming bathroom crowd
  5. Walk 20 feet into a No-Escaping-Notice office 

I’m sure I’m fine.

is she fine? OMG, I can’t even watch. Why didn’t she double up, dear god, why???

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the most Aunt Flo-der-ful…

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the Most Aunt-Flo-der-ful, Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

Biggest. Party. Of. The. Year.

Two giant tents – filled with properly-placed napkins and gourmet picnic food on silver chafing dishes. A live pop cover band tests their equipment, which means you don’t have to bring your 9-iron today. Or plaid pants. Unless you really want to. 

can you smell the cut grass and the grill? Read more to hear about “the wrinkle”

Thanksgiving Grace, and crying

Woken Grace, 2020

Dear God, Earth Mother, The Universe, Higher Power, or whatever you believe in,

We are, though we may not always show it, grateful for all you give us. For all you bless us to live with and love. For all you give us to eat that nourishes our souls, today and forward. Thank you.

Today is Thanksgiving.

I woke, laden and remorseful. For the immense suffering that it took to make my plate possible:

how long is this grace? about 4 min 🙂 read on, woken soul!

Damned, I mean, Thank You + Free Gift!

A gratitude story-poem. PLUS! A resilience-building gift for YOU. For all seasons! 

I woke up, 
  mornings. 
My sky, 
  blinding aura. 
My head as 
  icepicks hammering. 
Sweat,
frozen feet
as a limp doll
on the bathroom floor, 
penance for 
  obeying the
  God of 
   Endless
    Doing.
Insides,
 blindly following.
What have I done? 
I've given myself
 a chance
 at perfect. 
For that 
 painful respite, 
 I am grateful.
Is this like when people make lemonade from lemons? Yes, and lemonade from sugar, too. BOOM! Read on!

Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing, with love

Honestly, I just thought play meant sanitizing and rotating the kids’ toys. And you don’t care that I shave my toe knuckles or …

Engagement Series 1/3: How Can I Love You? Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing, with love

6 Months after Proposal, duffle bag on the floor

Me: I’m sorry. You know I love you, right?

Stacey (wiping tears): It doesn’t feel like it. 

Allllright, what did Heidi do now? And what does that have to do with sponge baths? read on!

Elvis Series 3/3: The end of the Dog-inning

What does a dog know about codependence? Apparently, a whole lot.

Elvis Series 1/3: 10 Things I hate about her dog , Elvis Series 2/3: The Fire Swamps, Elvis Series 3/3: The end of the Dog-inning

You CAN teach an old dog new tricks! 

I was witnessing a miracle! Every step was a God-send. 

Here’s how it went down:

Walking a bag of dirt is what it’s like walking elvis. Normally. Behold the miracle & read on!
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