Am I a writer? I don’t feel like one…

Somehow, this all feels so dangerous to me. Shouldn’t I be at a conference for professional fundraisers? What am I doing here?

October 2018, Nashville

Oh my god, Jeff is walking towards me. Should I say something?? He’s, like, in charge of this whole thing. The side of my nose starts to heat, and so does one side of my neck. Yes, I look like a giraffe when I get nervous. A gift from my fifth decade of life. Super. I look down and pretend to interest myself in a giant potted plant nearby. What waxy leaves you have…

“Jeff, hey! How’s it going?” says someone else.

My whole body relaxes. Saved by the bell.

man, Jeff souns like a celebrity!

The Loving Eye of the Heart-i-cane

Wow, Barbara. Your 13-year-old process of deduction while unconscious is most impressive.

Heart Attack Series 2 of 2. Read First Story Here.

4:28 am: The Hospital

We park in the ER lot. We don our masks and walk to the door in the cold, pre-dawn morning. I hold Stacey’s arm in her puffy green coat. Her whole body is trembling.  This is bad.

5 paces in: the Check-in desk. As casually as a conversation about the weather, Stacey is asked her reason for the visit. She nods. I tell the woman her signs of a pre-heart attack. She writes it down on a ledger, types something, and looks back up. Could this woman move any slower?

stacey might die if this woman doesn’t hurry up her cursive!!

Can you Dance in a Heart-i-cane?

What happens when Heidi Esther’s answer for everything – toast – doesn’t solve the problem? What else can she do?

(The Heart Attack Series, 1 of 2. Second Story coming March 10!)

A story, from Barbara


It’s the middle of the night. So, I’m sleeping, right? Minding my own business. Snuggled high in my Ikea loft bed under my Wiener-dog blanket and the crocheted one Stacey made me. She’s my step-mom. I’m thirteen years old. And I’m wearing my striped pajama pants with Christmas chihuahuas if you must know.

That’s when I woke up. From the scratching. What the heck? Like someone’s clawing at my window. I’m not scared; I’m the family member who picks up bugs and puts them back outside. Alive. So, I open my curtains.

what’s outside? read on, brave soul!

Attack of the Teenage Quarantine

Jason and his wife came over for football. New friends, who live next door, love wine, AND can talk football with my wife? A PANDEMIC MIRACLE. So, we went all out….

(Covid Series 1 of 2. Second Story is HERE)

The Wednesday that wasn’t

I cozied into my found-on-the-curb-and-it’s-perfectly-fine-with-two-pillows-see? desk chair. â…“ caff coffee on the candle warmer. Fairy lights twinkling in my Apple Knockers cider jug. My favorite daytime sweatpants, warm out of the dryer. It’s gonna be a great day. 

that sounds lovely! I wonder what happens next? Read on!

What happened to my new life: The grey days

Placing her hand on my heart.

Stacey: And you need time to see how amazing you are and love yourself, too.

God, thank you for putting Stacey in my life.

A crappy grey day in February, 8 years ago

Sitting at my dining room table, staring at my quiet phone.

The floor and trim, ebony. Walls, an impersonal white. One side, an equally ebony oversized Goodwill china cabinet, filled with my everyday dishes, glasses. My small kitchen sucks. The other wall, covered in preschool artwork. The table itself, awash with crayons, paper, glue. They went to Dad’s house in the middle of craft time. I’ll pick that up later, I said two days ago. An ass-cold day, throwing sleet on the window. The useless overhead light casting a smoke-stained glow. 

Nobody likes you.  

Say it ain’t so! How could that be? what’s going on with her?

A Pocket of Sanity for the New Year!

How is 2021 going to be better? With a Pocket Full of Sanity, of course. by Heidi Esther

How is 2021 Gonna Be Better?

The year stretches gloriously ahead, beckoning you to think about what to make of 2021. Like a stretch of untouched snow begging you to romp and sled and make snow angels.

Oh! I just love fresh snow. I wonder what heidi esther got for me this time!

Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

Barbara: We’re going to the castle in the clouds.
The next 20 seconds is lovely. Our boat docks.
Barbara carries me and the egg over to…a plank??

Gaming Series 1/2: What happened when I tried playing Roblox, Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

Adopt Me!

Barbara and I go through the Roblox “stylizing” process once more (I don’t change a thing) and are dropped in a cartoon town at wintertime. Even when I fall in the lake, I still skate like Snoopy. Brilliant.

An egg starts following me around.

Me: Barbara, there’s an egg creepin’ on me…

I thought this game was about pets?? Maybe it’s about reptiles! Read on to see the hatch!

Gaming Series 1/2: When I tried playing Roblox

Are we raising children who are too lazy to virtually work for virtual money? I don’t like my survivability prospects.

Gaming Series 1/2: What happened when I tried playing Roblox, Gaming Series 2/2: What is the internet teaching my daughter?

In sweet memory of childhood Christmas breaks filled with my brothers and I playing video games.

Me: Okay, Barbara, I’m ready if you are. 

Barbara in her thermals, and I in my fleece nightgown settled down for a long winter’s nap fun winter’s break. 

OHHH! I wonder what they’re going to play? Read on and find out, joyful spirit!

One Lunch that was too big to Stomach

Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a car. Not in a bar. Not here OR there.

PSST! Scroll to the bottom of One Lunch Too Big and claim your FREE Gift! Hint: It involves soap 🙂

God, I so miss going out to lunch…

My face turned hot. My lips pursed. My stomach lurched. I quickly grabbed my fork and knife and concentrated on cutting my pizza into toddler squares. Still listening to Betsy. 

Betsy: A woman I’ve known for a year. How could I not see? Was I, now, my own social media filter? Has she been presenting facts that I, simply, could not, would not – recognize? 

what’s so different about betsy? And why is heidi freaking out about it? read more!
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