Stories

Focus, Mad Libs, Dead Dragons, and Empowered Joy

Ready to get to Empowered Joy? Then you’ll need some Mad Libs, Dead Dragons, and Focus!

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Hello, my beautiful friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? How was your Thanksgiving, if you celebrated it? Did you mask or vax up and see family? Would love to know! While I absolutely love Thanksgiving, I’m extra thankful for leftovers. (a.k.a. I don’t have to cook for the next ten days. 🦃🙏💕So….

CONFESSION: I can’t do everything. Once in awhile, I get caught up in a mindset where I tell myself “I can do everything, I got this!” I have a pretty creative and analytical brain, so both sides are always on board. What’s not on board: my time and sanity. So, inevitably, I end up taking a ton more time to do things that would be better outsourced, like to one of my kids, my wife, or to a professional.

SECOND Confession: I’ve been sitting on my book and companion workbook, telling myself I can format them myself. I have come to learn that the learning curve is steep and the results for my book could be a disaster. I am seeking help this week and starting to record it and put it in professional hands. I am becoming focused on what will help my message reach the most souls: my book.

My plan of attack: I am focusing on what I can do quickly, outsourcing what keeps me stuck, and keeping my important goal as my line of focus.

Which leads me to my new Facebook Group, My Joyfully Ever After (yes, you want to join!) My poll of the week in the group is: how do you stay focused on the important stuff with all life’s distractions? And my Question of the week is also up: what is one goal you are committed and focused on in the next 3-6 months?

FIVE things for you today!

1) FYI: I am launching my book MARCH 2022. Before then, I will be exclusively focused on sending you encouraging messages + becoming more visible + getting my book out.

2) Get ready to soak in more Heidi stories via video and podcast. I just launched my own YouTube Channel and will also be the guest on some podcasts as well.

3) Speaking of Shows, Heather and I are going live today at NOON CST to talk “From Hot Mess to Empowered Joy” I’ll also be reading from my upcoming book, too! Join us? We’ll be live on our YouTube Channel OR Facebook Group!

4) AND speaking of podcasts, I was on one and talked about my journey from Waking up to Transforming my life. Catch my episode on Apple Podcasts here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/find-your-joyfully-ever-after-with-heidi-esther/id1577159495?i=1000542891954 OR on Katharine Loranger’s YouTube Channel here:   

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0e6ZSPcMDQ7HWdVP4h_Yfw/videos. If you want to see other places I’ve been featured, pop over to my Featured Page.

5) Don’t forget to pick up your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs! Get your copy at http://freebie.heidiesther.com/MadLibs. Once you do that, join me in the new Facebook Group to do the prompts in December. I promise, it will be fun! Here’s more info!

Sending you peace and focus to spend time getting to know the person who matters a lot in your life…Beautiful You!

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Focusing on what matters

1) What’s your goal? Name it and give it a time frame.

2) Answer these three questions: What are you joyfully looking forward to doing as it relates to your goal? What do you need to learn? What are you absolutely not looking forward to?

3) Ask for help with what you are not looking forward to doing. Be creatively resourceful if you don’t have funds. Find resources to help you learn. Keep Joy as your compass. AND ask for help with or let go of anything else in your life that is taking up time or sucking your joy away. Yes, it’s hard to ask for help. And also liberating!

Episode 4: Four Steps to your Personal Freedom

November 2021

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Hello my dear friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? Yep, the rumors are true. I took a before-work nap today. Four nights this week, I’ve been in kid-shuffling-around mode at night. And then Elvis, my step-dog, woke me up twice right before wake up time. When my alarm went off, I groaned.

A little voice inside of me said please to go back to sleep. Then another said suck it up, you’ll be fine. A third said, get your stuff done, get the kids out of the house, and lay back down. Boom. I had my answer.

On this Thanksgiving eve, I have a word gift for you. You might associate it with a favorite hymn or your Thanksgiving meal. I assure you, this word is not only for church or holidays. The word is

Grace.

We sing about grace in the Church. We hope we receive it from God when we have fallen. We give grace for bountiful food and company that nourishes our bodies and souls.

Going forward, I challenge you to think of Grace in a new way. To take Grace, wrap it up, and give it back to yourself with passionate abandon. Let it rain on you as a watershed of compassion and love and forgiveness. Give yourself grace for being and living the miracle that is You. No matter how you woke up. No matter what “they” said or did. No matter what. Period.

But I mess up all the time, you might be saying to yourself. What then? You don’t make mistakes. You are not a mistake. You have unexpected, and sometimes uncomfortable, steps along your path. Why? So you learn what you’re meant to. Why? So you can unlock and live your happiness, freedom, and joy.

So, whadda ya say? Try it with me?

And would you like to know the three other steps that help me show up every day, guilt-free, worry-free, in joy, with freedom and love for myself? Listen to Heather and I talk Personal Freedom.

Sending you love, light, grace, and laughter, Heidi Esther

Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 4

Watch Episode 4: Four Steps to Your Personal Freedom

Did you like the show? Don’t forget to like and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Three ways to engage Grace.

  1. Will you take the Grace challenge?
  2. Facebook Question of the week: Who embodies Grace to you? Answer on my Facebook page.
  3. Facebook POLL of the week: What word do you most associate with grace? Join & answer in the Live with Heidi and Heather Group.

Ready for more Live with Heidi and Heather shows? Check out our page.

Or subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger

Welcome to SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger! Here is more info for you on the Everyday Superhero Method. Squashy story is right below! ⬇️

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Who will win: Heidi or the Squash?

The warm, autumn afternoon sunshine beamed down on our living room dog bed. Which was repositioned for the third time that day in its journey to stay with the sun. Olive, my Chiweenie, lay over the side with her front paws in prayer position, holding her orange chewy bone.

don’t pets have the best lives? IKR! read on curious soul >>>

Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 003

Is Happiness a Red Herring?

Join Heidi Esther and Heather Kokx as they delve into the dark corners of…the ever-elusive Happiness in Episode 003 Happiness.

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https://youtu.be/Lbrkb73htME

Or watch on You tube

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Calling in my Winnie Exercise

In the Tao of Pooh, author Benjamin Hoff breaks each A.A. Milne character down into their core way of being. For Winnie the Pooh, he is the epitome of Taoism: he allows life, he lives in present, he is calm and joyful. For all the other characters, they have an overage of something that prevents them from fully enjoying life. If they could only see! (Here’s a slideshow if you want more info on the characters.)

After this exercise, you’ll be able to see when you’re a little off and Calling in Your Winnie. Embracing the values of Winnie the Pooh will help you find your inner Zen master, literally! More peace. More happiness. More flow. Boom, baby!

First, please note that it’s totally OKAY to have a favorite character who is NOT Winnie the Pooh! They are all adorable, beautiful, loyal friends.

STEP 1: Pause

When you’re feeling crappy or not enjoying all that life has for you, take a break. Take care of yourself. When you’re ready…

STEP 2: Forgiveness

Remind yourself:

  • I am Enough.
  • I am a human-in-progress.
  • As such, you will go through all the feelings of all the characters (because you are human)! The key is to just not stay stuck in the unhelpful ones. 🙂

STEP 3: Congratulate

Take 30 seconds, a couple deep breaths, and try and cultivate some feelings of Pride. Be proud of yourself (maybe give yourself a bear hug!) for taking time to listen to and

STEP 4: Identify

What character most resembles how you are feeling right now?

Eeyore frets. He assumes the worst and isolates himself. He keeps his head and expectations lower than low.

Piglet hesitates and, as a result, fears for the future. Even if that’s walking under a tree! He second-guesses himself. He leans on Winnie to be brave and to take action.

Owl Pontificates. He gathers much but does not act on it. He waits to see others to share his knowledge, whether he is invited or not.

Rabbit calculates. Man, I used to totally identify with this workaholic-plan-for-everything bunny. With so much going on in Rabbit’s brain, however, there’s no room to enjoy anything. And he often overthinks things and overcomplicates situations.

Tigger is like a lightening bolt. He has energy for everything, but he does not take a break to focus it. Or think about his future. Thus, he gets caught in trees and other sticky situations.

STEP 5: Be honest.

Journal or talk with a trusted friend about what inner character(s) could be getting in your way. Yes, you can have more than one. Process what character(s) you are resonating with. What thoughts have you had or actions are you taking that are….

  • Eeyore: Isolating you from taking care of yourself, seeing friends/family more often, or avoiding other responsibilities? Common symptoms of this are depression, hopelessness, I-give-up-ness, excessive-hermit-syndrome.
  • Piglet: Preventing you from taking steps forward towards your next goal or dream? A first date? Applying for that job? Common symptoms are worry/anxiety that keeps you from enjoying things you normally like to do (like sleeping or eating, or Pac Man). Or catching yourself saying “I’m afraid that…” or “I worry that…”
  • Owl: Amassing knowledge BUT not putting it into practice or using it to help others? Common symptoms are perfectionism, always trying to teach people things you know they don’t wanna hear, interrupting others to make sure they know the right answer, impostor syndrome.
  • Rabbit: Focusing your energies on the Doing and Planning instead of the Feeling and Enjoying of life? Common symptoms of this are being a woman, burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion, feeling like you have to be doing something or you feel guilty, always preparing for life but feeling like you’re missing it.
  • Tigger: Enjoying many things and pursuits, but not pausing to listen to yourself on what to focus on for the future or what feels right for you? Common symptoms of this are rollercoaster emotions, The No-Purpose-Zone, The Squirrel-Syndrome, and Exhaustion.

STEP 6: Calling in your Winnie

Now that you’ve brought the light of awareness to what might be keeping you from living a more joyful and authentic life, here are the next steps to Call in your Winnie based on how you answered the above.

  1. For all characters:
    1. Self-compassion: Make an effort to meet yourself every morning with this question: how can I take care of myself best today? And, NO excuses, follow through on what you need! You matter.
    2. Claim your Freedom: Can you forgive and let go? Can you learn your lesson and then let it go? Can you be grateful for the opportunity and then let it go? If not, write out what is keeping you stuck and write out PROS and CONS of holding onto this (feeling/person/situation). Be sure you add in Personal Freedom into the PROS column.
  2. Eeyore: Make time for play. Be brave and try something out of your comfort zone. Call a friend and hangout. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy. I am loved.
  3. Piglet: Make a plan. Write down your next important goal. Visualize yourself accomplishing that goal every day. Feel how you will feel when you get there. Find an accountability buddy. Then, take a baby step every day to get there. What is your first step? Adopt a mantra like: I am brave. I can do this.
  4. Owl: Make a list of your knowledge, skills, and gifts. On the next page, write down ways that feel good to you to use those in the world. Then, do something! ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I use my gifts to help others. I am kind.
  5. Rabbit: Build non-doing into your life. Take a walk, smell the hot chocolate, pet your dog. Meditate. Watch clouds. Enjoy being YOU. Practice Boundaries. Let go of the responsibilities that are the shoulds. Keep those that bring you joy. Ask for help. ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy because I am, or I treat myself as a friend.
  6. Tigger: Build breathing room into your life. Look at your fun and goals and prioritize them. Can you focus on your top few goals and say NO to some others? Adopt a mantra like: I make a difference or I create balance in my life.

Once you take a few simple steps, you’ll soon be Calling in your Winnie! 🧸😌

Love and Light Warrior: Laurie Herbers

Hello beautiful! Here’s a message from truth-teller Laurie Herbers. with love, light and laughter, Heidi Esther

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Opening to Love

You are not lost or broken. There is nothing wrong with you. Everyone is on a journey and every journey is beautiful. No matter what circumstances you may be living in right now or lived in previously, you are not defined by them. No one tells you who you are. Everything you need to be successful, everything you need to feel loved and accepted, is already inside of you. You came forth with the knowledge, gifts, and skills you need to have everything you ever dreamed of. It is possible your subconscious holds a world of pain, of remembrance, of things spoken to you that were never meant to be yours. You do not have to carry any of it with you.

The weight of guilt and shame is heavy and all consuming, but you do not own them. You do not have to accept what was given to you. You can turn the page, start a new chapter, nothing holds you back except you. You can be free from the past, from the memories, from the moments that tore at your heart and scarred your soul. Little by little you can heal. Little by little you can reconnect with the love that you are, for all things come from love, including you. Love is an energy that you have inside of you. it is not necessary to go looking outside of yourself, not necessary for someone to give it to you because it is what lives inside of you.

If you feel alone, unworthy, unwanted or anything that causes you to feel less than you are only means that you are disconnected from love’s energy. You can reconnect for love is in all things and is everywhere. It is in you at this very moment. Nature is a great place to see love energy in motion. From the birds to the trees, from the flowers to the bees, all is connected within the whole, all is connected within the love. All of nature works within the laws of the universe, doing what it was created to do, filling the world with love energy. The seasons change, the sun rises and sets, the ocean’s waves always reach the shore. Each grain of sand, every atom, vibrating in love’s energy. All tapped into the frequency of love. All tuned in and balanced. You, too, can tune in to love’s frequency.

Walk in the grass with bare feet and connect with the earth. Place your hands on the trunk of a tree. Imagine and see with your mind the energy that permeates everything, including you. Inhale and feel the love energy fill you up. With every breath revel in the love that fills your lungs filling you from your toes to tip of your head. With every exhale, breathe out what does not serve you. Imagine all the guilt and shame released and replaced with the next breath of love. Do this until you are so full, love permeates from your pores and creates a bubble of love that surrounds and protects you.

Do this as many times as necessary to keep you in love’s frequency. Use love to heal every soul wound you may have. Find yourself in the love. Find your piece of the whole. The more you understand the whole, the more you understand your piece. The more you understand your piece, the more you understand the whole. You matter. Your piece of the whole is important. Live from the love and watch your entire world change. 

About Laurie Herbers

laurie herbers headshot

Laurie Herbers is an Empowerment & Spiritual Love Coach and Author. Her books are Second Chances: How I Turned Hate into Love and Found My Purpose; and Becoming Abundance: Embracing and Enhancing Your Unique Design.

In her youth she struggled in abuse and trauma, carrying the pain forth into adulthood. Hating life was her home and daily struggle until the day she decided to change her thoughts and beliefs and pursued love with a fervor that superseded everything else. She is passionate about others never having to go another day feeling worthless, guilt, shame, and judgment. She guides individuals struggling in life or business to gain clarity, become empowered, love all of their pieces, find their purpose, heal their soul wounds, own their own power, and use the power of their mind to manifest all the good things.  

The SoulJourner Question

So, whadda ya say? Check out one of her books, trainings, or social media platforms? I’m in her Becoming Abundance Facebook Group: would love to see you there!

https://www.instagram.com/soullovelegacy

https://www.facebook.com/groups/becomingabundance

https://www.tiktok.com/@abundancewithlaurie

Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 002: Who’s your teacher?

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What’s up, my beautiful friend? How are you and how are you taking care of your learning spirit today? I am cuddled under two blankets on a couch next to two dogs who know something’s up.

Yep, there are suitcases, snacks, and pillows next to the front door. My wife and I are heading out for a weekend away. And (sound the trumpets!) I’ve slept in the last two days. I almost feel like my-rested self again. Kinda like I finished finals. Makes me wonder what grades I got. 🧐

Which reminds me. I grew up with two parents as teachers. I learned the deep value of learning. Somehow, I also developed a belief that, if you weren’t a teacher in a school, then I wasn’t listening. I was closed. Before I was self aware, I even told people they were wrong. 🤦‍♀️ No wonder I ended up on work assignments surrounded by potatoes. 🥔

Once I opened up to the humble possibility that anything could be a teacher, magic happened. My healing accelerated. Relationships improved. My anxiety got better. I’ve since learned from wise men, friends, sidewalks, my stepdog, and being quiet.

Like, thanks to what I learned from my sleep deprivation, I know I need support with my son’s soccer stuff. I’m setting up a carpool for his next soccer group. Regular bedtimes, here I come! 👊 🛌

So, my beautiful friend. Here’s an invitation for you.

Stay humble, open, and curious. The world can be your teacher. You can learn from the least and most of beings. Even the sky on your dog’s potty break can reveal to you that presence is a precious gift.

Heidi Esther
caption for image

And with that, I give you Episode 002 of Live with Heidi and Heather. We talk about personal development, and why, like teachers, it can make your life.

Cheshire Cat Exercise

Sometimes we get so focused on what we’re doing, or how much we got accomplished, we forget to stay open. To all the world is trying to teach us.

Curiosity. In my upcoming book, it is one of the first mindsets I adopted before I could move forward. In the companion workbook that will come out with my book, I talk about how to cultivate curiosity. And…it usually starts with a question. “Would releasing my money blocks be interesting?” OR “Why am I not happy?” OR “I wonder how it would feel to…”

When your inner critic arises, thank them for their input and years of service. Tell them they can still ride in the car but they no longer get to drive OR choose the podcast. Tell them that your curious, brave, creative soul is in the driver’s seat.

Open yourself up to your inner curiosity. Let your voice be heard. Then, follow your curiosity up and down the winding roads. Breath and learn from the road blocks. Why? Because you’ll soon be driving alongside the joyful love of your life: YO.U.

Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 001: Why do we care?

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What happens when Diet Coke won’t fix it?

Hello, my beautiful friend! How is your heart these days? And how are you taking care of your gentle, bright spirit?

I have a random question for you…would you say you’re a soul-searcher? Like, someone who’s not afraid to look inside, connect with, and dig up (the good and the bad) to find more in your life? More You? More Joy? I came across that word, and then I wrote this about what I’m trying to do here:

I encourage fellow soul-searchers to greater Joy and Authenticity with relatable true stories, playful printables & mindfulness tools.

Anyway, that one sentence is the culmination of a book I read, called Building a Story Brand. It’s draft #1. Would love to know how you feel about that sentence. It could be why you and I click, or why you feel I’m coming from outer-space sometimes! Or Both!

Speaking of outer space… My new show that aired last Wednesday, Live with Heidi and Heather, is somewhere out there. 😂 🪐I don’t know where it went, but it didn’t go where it was planned. So, it’s now in the NEW! Live Heidi and Heather Facebook Group. Or you can listen to it on my pod!

So, all future live shows will stream to our Live With Heidi and Heather YouTube channel. Next one is October 20th at noon CDT. Don’t Forget, Please go to our YouTube channel and subscribe!

So, all social media aside, I’m learning lots of lessons these days. I’ve got an interrupting-chicken sleep schedule with some late nights, some early mornings. I’ve been a little “spicy and stressed. Somedays I drink Diet Coke, cry, or nap. Or all three! Yesterday, I journaled. And uncovered my feelings.

I wrote down what I could control (how I take care of myself / my attitude) and what I couldn’t (my son’s soccer, my wife’s work.) I admitted something I would NEVER have before. Back when I was perfectionistic-codependent stay at home mom. I’m having a hard time. And I need help.

It felt like I unlocked a door from a dark room and bathed in a warm flood of sunshine. ☀️So, my dear friend, may you know that you are strong and brave. And loved and supported. May you take time to be honest with yourself. So you know what you need. And ask for it. Like a car-pooling buddy, a friend to lean on, or some takeout. 🌮🥡🍕

Why ask for help? Because Your Joy Matters. Because you deserve the sunshine. Because you are strong and you need help.

Which brings me to Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 001…

The SoulJourner QUESTion

So, being honest with oneself is hard. Harder than you might think. Here’s what I did to uncover my honest truth.

Gaining Clarity Hurdles Exercise

You have to overcome some hurdles to get to your truth. When you find yourself saying “I just wish..” or “I should…” or “Why me?” take out your journal or talk these things out with a trusted friend.

  1. Share how you feel. Get it out, soul-searcher! When you’ve felt the peak and ebb of your feelings, ask yourself the following.
  2. What am I in control of?
  3. What am I not in control of?
  4. What am I expecting to happen?
  5. Is what I’m expecting to happen/what happened in my direct control?
    1. If YES: (your thoughts/actions/attitude/putting your phone down) take those steps. Write down a revised positive mantra that you can use to replace the unhelpful “i wish” or “I should” statement.
    2. If NO, ask yourself: What do I need to let go of? What can I ask for help with?
  6. The checker question: After the above steps, write down how you can best take care of yourself, your health, and your happiness, regardless of the outcome. Make sure – whatever you do – is aligned with taking care of yourself and your values.

SuperStep5 (Getting Stronger) EveryDay Superhero Method EXTRA CREDIT: Do the above exercise, then ask yourself what kinds of lessons the universe might be showing you right now. Then, practice feeling gratitude for those lessons!

SuperStep 3: Letting In

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Welcome to SuperStep 3: Letting In. The Third of Five SuperSteps in the Everyday Superhero Method! (Here are the the First SuperStep and the Second SuperStep.)

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Christmas, a four-letter word

December 2009

The sleigh bells jingled against the front door. They left. I couldn’t. 

I lay in bed, unable to move. Sharp hammers of pain pierce through my eye socket. My body shivers cold, covered in blankets. A couple minutes prior, it was uncovered, covered in sweat. A couple minutes before, it was laying on the bathroom floor, gripping the toilet like a safety bar on a rollercoaster.

Migraine.

I get them about once a month. It’s been this way since I was a teen. Unfortunately, there are periods where I get them more often, like around Christmas. And as a mom.

I missed my kids’ preschool music party. Tears run down my cheeks. I let them down. 

And I’m messing up my…

It’s-gonna-be-a-Perfect-Christmas List:

  • 300-page annual Grandkid photo album? Check.
  • 12 loaves of Cranberry Apple bread? Check.
  • Food and presents for six preschool parties? In progress.
  • Church Nativity Play. Ugh.
  • 200 Candy cane reindeers? Well…I let my three-year-old help. Fixing cyclops reindeers soon.
  • All the usual decorating and shopping and baking and cleaning and wrapping and coffee and volunteering and crying in bathroom stalls…

My heart and head pound like the Kentucky Derby start line.

After two more trips to the bathroom, I am back in bed with a cold rag on my forehead. I close my eyes and picture my goal: January first.

I’m laying in a quiet winter woodland, with the snow blanketing my body in a soft sheet of glittery peace. I have nothing to do but breathe the cold, crisp air.

The Battle Begins

“Excuse me? I hate to interrupt, but you should use this extra time to make the Christmas cut out cookies!” Traditional Heidi jabs me with her pointed words. Who is Traditional Heidi? Lemme explain.

Imagine me with a miniature llama on each of my shoulders. The first is a miniature beige llama. She wears a 1950s housewife apron, has salon-perfect hair, and red glossy fingernails. She carries with her a dust mop, a well-behaved child on one hip, and to-do lists. This is Traditional Heidi. Traditional Heidi’s words layer on like thick frosting, with resentment and sarcasm. She likes waggling her finger at people and muttering things under her breath.

On my other shoulder stands a miniature rainbow-colored llama. She has long blonde dreads and a Holly Hobby patchwork skirt. She is Feminist Heidi. She comes with a bow and arrow, a couple of pom-poms, and a journal. Her eyes glow wild, confident, mischievous. She is herself unto no one. She gets enough sleep, and she is unafraid to speak her truth. 

“You need to rest. This is your third holiday migraine…” Feminist Heidi warns. 

“Your migraine is a PAIN, but you can operate a mixer. Your medicine only warns against heavy machinery,” Traditional Heidi puffs out her chest.

“But I don’t even LIKE cut out cookies,” Feminist Heidi whines.

“That’s no excuse. It’s not Christmas without them. Remember your childhood?” Traditional Heidi says while pinning on her Christmas brooch-of-the-day.

“Yes, it was a special time. You know what I liked most about Christmas growing up? Doing my homework behind the tree, surrounded by bubble lights and ornaments…” Feminist Heidi sighs, a broad smile spreading across her face, lost in her reverie…

Sharp as a needle, Traditional Heidi’s voice pricks the air.

“Focus, woman. You got perfect grades with that homework. Now, Perfect Christmas is up to you.”

I open my eyes and think of my It’s-Gonna-Be-A-Perfect-Christmas List. A little more rest, and I’ll get in the kitchen.

October First, three years later.

In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back. Only three months until PAIN. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas.

I sit down at the kitchen table. What am I going to do about Christmas? I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I stare at the buffalo.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in my Codependents Anonymous meeting this week. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is I learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is a f*cking impossible goal, and she would hand me a drink?

Yep, you got it, sister, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Thanks, Mr. Buffalo. I’ll try to do something to not hate Christmas this year.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Treat yourself as a friend.” I smile a broad smile. 

SuperStep 3: Letting In Quote

You can only open new doors after you decide to shut others. Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Heidi Esther

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Listening, honesty, kindness, responsibility. Four of the pieces in SuperStep Three of the Everyday Superhero Method. For today, let’s focus on kindness. 

SuperStep 3 Exercise: Treat Yourself as a Friend. 

The next time you feel that inner struggle. That guilt. That tensing of your shoulders. That knot in your stomach. That “I have to” or “I should…” or “I can grit through this…” language come up. Stop.

  1. Take a break. Breathe 4 deep breaths. Or take a quick walk. 
  2. Notice how you felt in your body before and after. When you feel a little looser, move onto the next step. 
  3. Write down what you feel you have to do on one side of the paper. 
  4. On the other side, write down what you will give up to do that thing. (For example: sleep/down time/dinner/your weekend)
  5. Below those two answers, write down the answer to one of these questions: “How would my friend respond if I told them this dilemma? What would they say?” OR “What if my best friend told me this, what would I suggest they do?” 

GOAL: Over time, Beautiful Soul, you will realize that YOU are worth feeling good. You are worth all the time you need to feel fabulous, even! If, for no one else, yourself. And that’s not selfish, it’s how you become the Superhero of your Everyday. Realizing that you f*cking matter. Even more than Christmas.

Before the Everyday Superhero Course and book come out, how can you work on SuperStep 3? Stories tagged with SuperStep 3 highlight a small piece of the Letting In method. Search for SuperStep 3 on the homepage!

Overview of the Everyday Superhero Method
SuperStep 1 of 5: Three Legs of Support
SuperStep 2 of 5: Waking Up & Letting Go 
SuperStep 3 of 5: Letting In
SuperStep 4 of 5: Moving Forward 
SuperStep 5 of 5: Getting Stronger
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