5 Caring Mindset Tips when life gives you lemons + 2 Best Mindset Books

dreamy woman with cat resting on sofa at home

When life gives you lemons, how can you develop a positive, caring mindset to process and move forward with more knowledge and confidence? Here’s your answer.

TL:DR Go straight to 5 Positive, Caring Mindset Tips or 2 Best Mindset Book Recommendations

Don’t gloss over your hardship. Greet it like a dear friend, who is ready to help you clear the way for more of your brilliance. For in the clearing, new buds will emerge to provide you new light, breath, and growth. Yes, Phoenix, you will rise again.
Heidi Esther, when life gives you lemons

read on for story and tips!

Living Guilt Free

I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”

But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.

OMG, IS HEIDI ESTHER’S COMPUTER HAUNTED???

Ukraine: What can you do?

Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.

Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.

oh no. is denis okay?

What if you had No More Guilt?

Hello beautiful! How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself today? Have you had a chance to put the cold weather aside and practice gratitude for the sun bathing your bed or your favorite chair? You guessed it, my dogs and I have been jockeying over sun spots.

Me? Well, other than winter sunning, I’ve been working like a surgeon. Carefully piecing apart, investigating, and putting together how I feel about all that I’m doing. About what drains me. What brings me energy. What brings me joy. Life asks a lot of us: to take care of family, dogs, work, passions, house, bills, Facebook, volunteering, and even ingrown toenails. (Yep, I’m in-between procedures and the first was a Doozie!) So, all those important things had to be put to the side to listen.

And to do that, I had to do something that would have been impossible, just a couple years ago.

I had to show guilt the door.

How did I do this>> I had to say that rebalancing my energy, dreaming my future, and reconnecting with my joy, had to come first. I asked for help with dinner. I meditated, napped, and stayed off Facebook. I actively told myself that I am worth my dream. That it’s okay to take time to figure out what that is, if the way is unclear. That it’s okay to love myself even though I’m a hot mess. I am worth putting my happiness first.

The Result>> Once I believed in my worth and joy, there was no more guilt. I stood up for my worth and my joy, unencumbered by what others thought or did.

So, my beautiful friend, this is what I want to share with you: You are worth all the time and quiet and space you need to connect with your love, joy, and purpose. Period. Because you are a magnificent gift to our world. You are worth standing up for. 🧍‍♀️🥰 🌎 💕

For you>> I’m going to be chatting weekly about the path I took from an unaware, guilt-ridden, and isolated young momma to finding my joy. I call it “Peeling Your Onion”. I’ll also have some new conversations with some new friends. Also, the Live with Heidi and Heather Shows is airing monthly on YouTube, too, to talk Joy, Happiness, and Freedom.

My first “Peeling the Onion” chat airs today on my Facebook and Youtube pages. Go here to watch it live or I’ll send it to you next week via email. Would love to know if showing guilt the door is something that you would like to know more about 🙂

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but…

listen on the pod

Hello my joyful, beautiful friend! How are you? And how are you taking care of yourself this season? I’m so CURIOUS to know…

Because, my beautiful friend, there are so many fruitful things that come out of a habit of curiosity. Being open to new ideas. Putting on your courageous panties and walking forward. Or taking care of your needs in new ways. Allowing all the parts of you to be. (Even those you are, like, “why me, God?”)

So, my dear, my wish for you. May you embrace curiosity as a way to shine the light on all parts of your beautiful, evolving, messy, limitless, sometimes-troubled, sometimes-doubting, soul. And may you allow all your gifts to have a home in your heart. No. Matter. What.

And if you would like to hear more about curiosity…

click here to listen to go directly my curiosity convo with valeria

Episode 4: Four Steps to your Personal Freedom

November 2021

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Hello my dear friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? Yep, the rumors are true. I took a before-work nap today. Four nights this week, I’ve been in kid-shuffling-around mode at night. And then Elvis, my step-dog, woke me up twice right before wake up time. When my alarm went off, I groaned.

A little voice inside of me said please to go back to sleep. Then another said suck it up, you’ll be fine. A third said, get your stuff done, get the kids out of the house, and lay back down. Boom. I had my answer.

On this Thanksgiving eve, I have a word gift for you. You might associate it with a favorite hymn or your Thanksgiving meal. I assure you, this word is not only for church or holidays. The word is

Grace.

We sing about grace in the Church. We hope we receive it from God when we have fallen. We give grace for bountiful food and company that nourishes our bodies and souls.

Going forward, I challenge you to think of Grace in a new way. To take Grace, wrap it up, and give it back to yourself with passionate abandon. Let it rain on you as a watershed of compassion and love and forgiveness. Give yourself grace for being and living the miracle that is You. No matter how you woke up. No matter what “they” said or did. No matter what. Period.

But I mess up all the time, you might be saying to yourself. What then? You don’t make mistakes. You are not a mistake. You have unexpected, and sometimes uncomfortable, steps along your path. Why? So you learn what you’re meant to. Why? So you can unlock and live your happiness, freedom, and joy.

So, whadda ya say? Try it with me?

And would you like to know the three other steps that help me show up every day, guilt-free, worry-free, in joy, with freedom and love for myself? Listen to Heather and I talk Personal Freedom.

Sending you love, light, grace, and laughter, Heidi Esther

Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 4

Watch Episode 4: Four Steps to Your Personal Freedom

Did you like the show? Don’t forget to like and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Three ways to engage Grace.

Will you take the Grace challenge?
Facebook Question of the week: Who embodies Grace to you? Answer on my Facebook page.
Facebook POLL of the week: What word do you most associate with grace? Join & answer in the Live with Heidi and Heather Group.

Ready for more Live with Heidi and Heather shows? Check out our page.

Or subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 002: Who’s your teacher?

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What’s up, my beautiful friend? How are you and how are you taking care of your learning spirit today? I am cuddled under two blankets on a couch next to two dogs who know something’s up.

Yep, there are suitcases, snacks, and pillows next to the front door. My wife and I are heading out for a weekend away. And (sound the trumpets!) I’ve slept in the last two days. I almost feel like my-rested self again. Kinda like I finished finals. Makes me wonder what grades I got. 🧐

Which reminds me. I grew up with two parents as teachers. I learned the deep value of learning. Somehow, I also developed a belief that, if you weren’t a teacher in a school, then I wasn’t listening. I was closed. Before I was self aware, I even told people they were wrong. 🤦‍♀️ No wonder I ended up on work assignments surrounded by potatoes. 🥔

Once I opened up to the humble possibility that anything could be a teacher, magic happened. My healing accelerated. Relationships improved. My anxiety got better. I’ve since learned from wise men, friends, sidewalks, my stepdog, and being quiet.

Like, thanks to what I learned from my sleep deprivation, I know I need support with my son’s soccer stuff. I’m setting up a carpool for his next soccer group. Regular bedtimes, here I come! 👊 🛌

So, my beautiful friend. Here’s an invitation for you.

Stay humble, open, and curious. The world can be your teacher. You can learn from the least and most of beings. Even the sky on your dog’s potty break can reveal to you that presence is a precious gift.
Heidi Esther

And with that, I give you Episode 002 of Live with Heidi and Heather. We talk about personal development, and why, like teachers, it can make your life.

Cheshire Cat Exercise

Sometimes we get so focused on what we’re doing, or how much we got accomplished, we forget to stay open. To all the world is trying to teach us.

Curiosity. In my upcoming book, it is one of the first mindsets I adopted before I could move forward. In the companion workbook that will come out with my book, I talk about how to cultivate curiosity. And…it usually starts with a question. “Would releasing my money blocks be interesting?” OR “Why am I not happy?” OR “I wonder how it would feel to…”

When your inner critic arises, thank them for their input and years of service. Tell them they can still ride in the car but they no longer get to drive OR choose the podcast. Tell them that your curious, brave, creative soul is in the driver’s seat.

Open yourself up to your inner curiosity. Let your voice be heard. Then, follow your curiosity up and down the winding roads. Breath and learn from the road blocks. Why? Because you’ll soon be driving alongside the joyful love of your life: YO.U.

SuperStep 3: Letting In

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Welcome to SuperStep 3: Letting In. The Third of Five SuperSteps in the Everyday Superhero Method! (Here are the the First SuperStep and the Second SuperStep.)

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Christmas, a four-letter word

December 2009

The sleigh bells jingled against the front door. They left. I couldn’t.

I lay in bed, unable to move. Sharp hammers of pain pierce through my eye socket. My body shivers cold, covered in blankets. A couple minutes prior, it was uncovered, covered in sweat. A couple minutes before, it was laying on the bathroom floor, gripping the toilet like a safety bar on a rollercoaster.

Migraine.

I get them about once a month. It’s been this way since I was a teen. Unfortunately, there are periods where I get them more often, like around Christmas. And as a mom.

I missed my kids’ preschool music party. Tears run down my cheeks. I let them down.

And I’m messing up my…

It’s-gonna-be-a-Perfect-Christmas List:

300-page annual Grandkid photo album? Check.
12 loaves of Cranberry Apple bread? Check.
Food and presents for six preschool parties? In progress.
Church Nativity Play. Ugh.
200 Candy cane reindeers? Well…I let my three-year-old help. Fixing cyclops reindeers soon.
All the usual decorating and shopping and baking and cleaning and wrapping and coffee and volunteering and crying in bathroom stalls…

My heart and head pound like the Kentucky Derby start line.

After two more trips to the bathroom, I am back in bed with a cold rag on my forehead. I close my eyes and picture my goal: January first.

I’m laying in a quiet winter woodland, with the snow blanketing my body in a soft sheet of glittery peace. I have nothing to do but breathe the cold, crisp air.

The Battle Begins

“Excuse me? I hate to interrupt, but you should use this extra time to make the Christmas cut out cookies!” Traditional Heidi jabs me with her pointed words. Who is Traditional Heidi? Lemme explain.

Imagine me with a miniature llama on each of my shoulders. The first is a miniature beige llama. She wears a 1950s housewife apron, has salon-perfect hair, and red glossy fingernails. She carries with her a dust mop, a well-behaved child on one hip, and to-do lists. This is Traditional Heidi. Traditional Heidi’s words layer on like thick frosting, with resentment and sarcasm. She likes waggling her finger at people and muttering things under her breath.

On my other shoulder stands a miniature rainbow-colored llama. She has long blonde dreads and a Holly Hobby patchwork skirt. She is Feminist Heidi. She comes with a bow and arrow, a couple of pom-poms, and a journal. Her eyes glow wild, confident, mischievous. She is herself unto no one. She gets enough sleep, and she is unafraid to speak her truth.

“You need to rest. This is your third holiday migraine…” Feminist Heidi warns.

“Your migraine is a PAIN, but you can operate a mixer. Your medicine only warns against heavy machinery,” Traditional Heidi puffs out her chest.

“But I don’t even LIKE cut out cookies,” Feminist Heidi whines.

“That’s no excuse. It’s not Christmas without them. Remember your childhood?” Traditional Heidi says while pinning on her Christmas brooch-of-the-day.

“Yes, it was a special time. You know what I liked most about Christmas growing up? Doing my homework behind the tree, surrounded by bubble lights and ornaments…” Feminist Heidi sighs, a broad smile spreading across her face, lost in her reverie…

Sharp as a needle, Traditional Heidi’s voice pricks the air.

“Focus, woman. You got perfect grades with that homework. Now, Perfect Christmas is up to you.”

I open my eyes and think of my It’s-Gonna-Be-A-Perfect-Christmas List. A little more rest, and I’ll get in the kitchen.

October First, three years later.

In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back. Only three months until PAIN. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas.

I sit down at the kitchen table. What am I going to do about Christmas? I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I stare at the buffalo.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in my Codependents Anonymous meeting this week. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is I learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is a f*cking impossible goal, and she would hand me a drink?

Yep, you got it, sister, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Thanks, Mr. Buffalo. I’ll try to do something to not hate Christmas this year.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Treat yourself as a friend.” I smile a broad smile.

SuperStep 3: Letting In Quote

You can only open new doors after you decide to shut others. Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.
Heidi Esther

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Listening, honesty, kindness, responsibility. Four of the pieces in SuperStep Three of the Everyday Superhero Method. For today, let’s focus on kindness.

SuperStep 3 Exercise: Treat Yourself as a Friend.

The next time you feel that inner struggle. That guilt. That tensing of your shoulders. That knot in your stomach. That “I have to” or “I should…” or “I can grit through this…” language come up. Stop.

Take a break. Breathe 4 deep breaths. Or take a quick walk.
Notice how you felt in your body before and after. When you feel a little looser, move onto the next step.
Write down what you feel you have to do on one side of the paper.
On the other side, write down what you will give up to do that thing. (For example: sleep/down time/dinner/your weekend)
Below those two answers, write down the answer to one of these questions: “How would my friend respond if I told them this dilemma? What would they say?” OR “What if my best friend told me this, what would I suggest they do?”

GOAL: Over time, Beautiful Soul, you will realize that YOU are worth feeling good. You are worth all the time you need to feel fabulous, even! If, for no one else, yourself. And that’s not selfish, it’s how you become the Superhero of your Everyday. Realizing that you f*cking matter. Even more than Christmas.

Before the Everyday Superhero Course and book come out, how can you work on SuperStep 3? Stories tagged with SuperStep 3 highlight a small piece of the Letting In method. Search for SuperStep 3 on the homepage!

Overview of the Everyday Superhero Method
SuperStep 1 of 5: Three Legs of Support
SuperStep 2 of 5: Waking Up & Letting Go 
SuperStep 3 of 5: Letting In
SuperStep 4 of 5: Moving Forward 
SuperStep 5 of 5: Getting Stronger

SuperStep 1: Your Three Legs of Support

Welcome to SuperStep 1: Your Three Legs of Support. The First of Five SuperSteps in the SoulSanity Everyday Superhero Method!

listen here 🙂

yes, of course there’s a story! read on, curious human!

Today’s Lesson from the Bullies

I shake my head. Over the next ten minutes, I fill the void of the house with swear words of technological frustration and install the software to see the files. I take a sip from my second cup of coffee, and click on the resume doc, hoping it will load.

Unlikely Discrimination Series 2 of 2. Read the first story here!

LIsten to this story on buzzsprout

The Next Lesson from the Bullies

The next weekend, I’m sitting at my crowded dining room table. Two stacks of papers, books, and an unopened laptop in front of me, connected to an external drive. Dark-wooded windows, heavy-lidded from the rainy early-Spring weekend afternoon. A tall dark buffet, inches behind my seat, taking up more air. A yellow-checkered Goodwill lamp across the room does nothing to combat the gloom.

I open up the laptop and take a deep breath. I have to leave my job. My hands clench in frustration. I can’t handle my boss anymore, ignoring me and not talking to me. I notice a clenched jaw to go along with the fists, and stretch them both out wide, ready to stretch open to a new job.

You ever have a job search to escape your current environment? i hear ya!