Professional Coach | Speaker | Author
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A story… Recently, I woke up and I felt off. About 20 minutes into reorganizing my bathroom closet, I realized that I was in hard-core avoidance mode. As I weeded out the slimified old lotion bottles, I knew it was time.
I sat down and cried. I didn’t judge or question myself. I journaled. THEN, that afternoon, I connected with two friends to process the meltdown.
crying is so hard. that’s why god invented brownies.
When life gives you lemons, how can you develop a positive, caring mindset to process and move forward with more knowledge and confidence? Here’s your answer.
TL:DR Go straight to 5 Positive, Caring Mindset Tips or 2 Best Mindset Book Recommendations
Don’t gloss over your hardship. Greet it like a dear friend, who is ready to help you clear the way for more of your brilliance. For in the clearing, new buds will emerge to provide you new light, breath, and growth. Yes, Phoenix, you will rise again.
Heidi Esther, when life gives you lemons
I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”
But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.
Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.
Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.
oh no. is denis okay?Hello beautiful! How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself today? Have you had a chance to put the cold weather aside and practice gratitude for the sun bathing your bed or your favorite chair? You guessed it, my dogs and I have been jockeying over sun spots.
Me? Well, other than winter sunning, I’ve been working like a surgeon. Carefully piecing apart, investigating, and putting together how I feel about all that I’m doing. About what drains me. What brings me energy. What brings me joy. Life asks a lot of us: to take care of family, dogs, work, passions, house, bills, Facebook, volunteering, and even ingrown toenails. (Yep, I’m in-between procedures and the first was a Doozie!) So, all those important things had to be put to the side to listen.
And to do that, I had to do something that would have been impossible, just a couple years ago.
I had to show guilt the door.
How did I do this>> I had to say that rebalancing my energy, dreaming my future, and reconnecting with my joy, had to come first. I asked for help with dinner. I meditated, napped, and stayed off Facebook. I actively told myself that I am worth my dream. That it’s okay to take time to figure out what that is, if the way is unclear. That it’s okay to love myself even though I’m a hot mess. I am worth putting my happiness first.
The Result>> Once I believed in my worth and joy, there was no more guilt. I stood up for my worth and my joy, unencumbered by what others thought or did.
So, my beautiful friend, this is what I want to share with you: You are worth all the time and quiet and space you need to connect with your love, joy, and purpose. Period. Because you are a magnificent gift to our world. You are worth standing up for. 🧍♀️🥰 🌎 💕
For you>> I’m going to be chatting weekly about the path I took from an unaware, guilt-ridden, and isolated young momma to finding my joy. I call it “Peeling Your Onion”. I’ll also have some new conversations with some new friends. Also, the Live with Heidi and Heather Shows is airing monthly on YouTube, too, to talk Joy, Happiness, and Freedom.
My first “Peeling the Onion” chat airs today on my Facebook and Youtube pages. Go here to watch it live or I’ll send it to you next week via email. Would love to know if showing guilt the door is something that you would like to know more about 🙂
Hello my joyful, beautiful friend! How are you? And how are you taking care of yourself this season? I’m so CURIOUS to know…
Because, my beautiful friend, there are so many fruitful things that come out of a habit of curiosity. Being open to new ideas. Putting on your courageous panties and walking forward. Or taking care of your needs in new ways. Allowing all the parts of you to be. (Even those you are, like, “why me, God?”)
So, my dear, my wish for you. May you embrace curiosity as a way to shine the light on all parts of your beautiful, evolving, messy, limitless, sometimes-troubled, sometimes-doubting, soul. And may you allow all your gifts to have a home in your heart. No. Matter. What.
And if you would like to hear more about curiosity…
Hello my dear friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? Yep, the rumors are true. I took a before-work nap today. Four nights this week, I’ve been in kid-shuffling-around mode at night. And then Elvis, my step-dog, woke me up twice right before wake up time. When my alarm went off, I groaned.
A little voice inside of me said please to go back to sleep. Then another said suck it up, you’ll be fine. A third said, get your stuff done, get the kids out of the house, and lay back down. Boom. I had my answer.
On this Thanksgiving eve, I have a word gift for you. You might associate it with a favorite hymn or your Thanksgiving meal. I assure you, this word is not only for church or holidays. The word is
We sing about grace in the Church. We hope we receive it from God when we have fallen. We give grace for bountiful food and company that nourishes our bodies and souls.
Going forward, I challenge you to think of Grace in a new way. To take Grace, wrap it up, and give it back to yourself with passionate abandon. Let it rain on you as a watershed of compassion and love and forgiveness. Give yourself grace for being and living the miracle that is You. No matter how you woke up. No matter what “they” said or did. No matter what. Period.
But I mess up all the time, you might be saying to yourself. What then? You don’t make mistakes. You are not a mistake. You have unexpected, and sometimes uncomfortable, steps along your path. Why? So you learn what you’re meant to. Why? So you can unlock and live your happiness, freedom, and joy.
So, whadda ya say? Try it with me?
And would you like to know the three other steps that help me show up every day, guilt-free, worry-free, in joy, with freedom and love for myself? Listen to Heather and I talk Personal Freedom.
Sending you love, light, grace, and laughter, Heidi Esther
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Three ways to engage Grace.
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What’s up, my beautiful friend? How are you and how are you taking care of your learning spirit today? I am cuddled under two blankets on a couch next to two dogs who know something’s up.
Yep, there are suitcases, snacks, and pillows next to the front door. My wife and I are heading out for a weekend away. And (sound the trumpets!) I’ve slept in the last two days. I almost feel like my-rested self again. Kinda like I finished finals. Makes me wonder what grades I got. 🧐
Which reminds me. I grew up with two parents as teachers. I learned the deep value of learning. Somehow, I also developed a belief that, if you weren’t a teacher in a school, then I wasn’t listening. I was closed. Before I was self aware, I even told people they were wrong. 🤦♀️ No wonder I ended up on work assignments surrounded by potatoes. 🥔
Once I opened up to the humble possibility that anything could be a teacher, magic happened. My healing accelerated. Relationships improved. My anxiety got better. I’ve since learned from wise men, friends, sidewalks, my stepdog, and being quiet.
Like, thanks to what I learned from my sleep deprivation, I know I need support with my son’s soccer stuff. I’m setting up a carpool for his next soccer group. Regular bedtimes, here I come! 👊 🛌
So, my beautiful friend. Here’s an invitation for you.
Stay humble, open, and curious. The world can be your teacher. You can learn from the least and most of beings. Even the sky on your dog’s potty break can reveal to you that presence is a precious gift.
Heidi Esther
And with that, I give you Episode 002 of Live with Heidi and Heather. We talk about personal development, and why, like teachers, it can make your life.
Sometimes we get so focused on what we’re doing, or how much we got accomplished, we forget to stay open. To all the world is trying to teach us.
Curiosity. In my upcoming book, it is one of the first mindsets I adopted before I could move forward. In the companion workbook that will come out with my book, I talk about how to cultivate curiosity. And…it usually starts with a question. “Would releasing my money blocks be interesting?” OR “Why am I not happy?” OR “I wonder how it would feel to…”
When your inner critic arises, thank them for their input and years of service. Tell them they can still ride in the car but they no longer get to drive OR choose the podcast. Tell them that your curious, brave, creative soul is in the driver’s seat.
Open yourself up to your inner curiosity. Let your voice be heard. Then, follow your curiosity up and down the winding roads. Breath and learn from the road blocks. Why? Because you’ll soon be driving alongside the joyful love of your life: YO.U.
Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.
Keywords: self-awareness, emotional intelligence self-awareness, the opposite of perfectionism, case study emotional intelligence
In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back.
Only three months until migraine-season. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas. Let me rephrase: Perfect Christmas.
“Ugggggh,” I audibly sigh.
I sit down at the kitchen table like an old lady. What am I going to do about Christmas? I want it to be PERFECT. I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I’m exhausted.
I stare at the buffalo.
Okay, maybe this is an Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness moment. I relax all the ways I imagine I’m making my veins popping out and breathe into the knot in my lower back.
Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.
In reality, somebody said that in a Codependents Anonymous meeting. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is to learn to treat myself as a friend.
What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?
I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is impossible, and she would hand me a drink? What is the Opposite of Perfectionism, anyway?
You can practice being your own friend, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Hmmm, practice. That’s an interesting word.
I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Practice Being my own friend.” I underline the word Practice and smile a broad smile. My inner perfectionist eases the knot in my back a little more. Maybe Practice has something to do with the opposite of perfectionism.
Over the next few Christmases, I Practice being my own friend around Christmas. Guess what happens?
Judgement (read: Criticism, Perfectionism, Worry) is like a whip. We’re wired to conserve energy – so we avoid suffering, accept the whip, and unconsciously stay within learned thinking patterns. The result?
The whipping continues and we don’t suffer, because our brains are comfortable with it – and its wounds. We normalize our pain.
When we realize the whip is in our hand, we have a choice.
One sure-fire way to move past this is to adopt a fail-forward internal culture, or the culture of Practicing. It’s time we practice being our own friends first. This is the opposite of perfectionism.
Because, honestly, what’s the point of freedom if we’re jailed?
Heidi Esther
Your Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness Builder: Next time you are in a critical, perfectionistic, or worry-spiral, pause and ask yourself these questions: “What am I practicing here? What might a good friend say if I told them my challenge?“
Below are two ways to help you build Practicing + a Fail-Forward Internal Culture.
The Fail Forward culture is under EQ – Teams and Support. Practice Shoes are under The inner Critic.
You too will soon be enjoying more Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness and living the Opposite of Perfectionism!
Welcome to SuperStep 1: Your Three Legs of Support. The First of Five SuperSteps in the SoulSanity Everyday Superhero Method!
yes, of course there’s a story! read on, curious human!