Agreement 1: Can you Be Impeccable with your Word?

I came back to work early. Then, I heard my name, loud and clear, from the other side of the door. My manager’s door.

Welcome to the SoulSanity Four Agreements Series! These stories show how I, Heidi Esther, work on adopting the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, I welcome you to the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

A quiet office

I stepped into my shared office. My post-lunch belly as happy as a dolphin. The afternoon sun glowing through the mini-blinds.

While it’s nothing fancy, I like my non-profit office. Two uncluttered desks surrounded by filing cabinets, and a clean floor as often as we vacuum.

The office lights were off. My officemate was behind the door, a few feet from my desk. That’s right, today is her review. Like a ninja, I put away my afternoon chocolate and drew my chair.

And that’s when it happened.

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Yea, and Heidi…”

it never feels good when people talk about you behind your back…. read more here!

Naptime with the Sweetness

A story about napping sounds lovely. What could possibly go wrong?

The Starting Block

I wipe the corners of my mouth. My half cup of minestrone soup and a half slice of whole wheat bread are but a delicious memory now. Thank you, the fifth decade of my life, for letting me know that portion-control is a thing.

I have come to that soft, quiet, pause after lunch. The kids are still doing homework. Stacey is reading with her “Come any closer and I’ll punch” Hulk sign up. The sun warms even the floorboards. No thoughts of chugging Diet Cokes or “what should I be doing now?” invade my brain. No, there are more important games afoot…

Sitting at the kitchen table, I can feel it coming. I let it completely envelop me. My body relaxes, agrees. Yes, it’s

ohhh, this sounds nice! can’t you envision some massage music in the background? Read on!

Am I a writer? I don’t feel like one…

Somehow, this all feels so dangerous to me. Shouldn’t I be at a conference for professional fundraisers? What am I doing here?

October 2018, Nashville

Oh my god, Jeff is walking towards me. Should I say something?? He’s, like, in charge of this whole thing. The side of my nose starts to heat, and so does one side of my neck. Yes, I look like a giraffe when I get nervous. A gift from my fifth decade of life. Super. I look down and pretend to interest myself in a giant potted plant nearby. What waxy leaves you have…

“Jeff, hey! How’s it going?” says someone else.

My whole body relaxes. Saved by the bell.

man, Jeff souns like a celebrity!

The Loving Eye of the Heart-i-cane

Wow, Barbara. Your 13-year-old process of deduction while unconscious is most impressive.

Heart Attack Series 2 of 2. Read First Story Here.

4:28 am: The Hospital

We park in the ER lot. We don our masks and walk to the door in the cold, pre-dawn morning. I hold Stacey’s arm in her puffy green coat. Her whole body is trembling. This is bad.

5 paces in: the Check-in desk. As casually as a conversation about the weather, Stacey is asked her reason for the visit. She nods. I tell the woman her signs of a pre-heart attack. She writes it down on a ledger, types something, and looks back up. Could this woman move any slower?

stacey might die if this woman doesn’t hurry up her cursive!!

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball

Wow. I’ve never seen her hold anything with so much care.

Me: You’re like a hamster-whisperer.

Barbara: LOL, Mom.

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

A Texted Conversation from the Humane Society

Barbara (My 11-year-old daughter): OMG Mom! Is that a hamster?

Me: Yep! What do you think? He just came in.

Barbara: He is super cute! And not like Herman.

Me: Do you mean because he’s a different color?

Barbara: Yes, and he’s so small.

Me: No, it’s just the black fur, he’s another Siberian hamster. We’ll still have to use the rat cage.

Barbara: LOL, OK 😀

loving this hammy? what will happen next? Read on!

So, I didn’t know I was IN a closet…

Yes, I’m not going to pay $25 for two Panera Salads for lunch for someone I don’t like!

Playdate Gone South

She slammed a door in my face!

Mary, my best friend.

I just couldn’t believe it – I froze. I don’t know if the source of our toddlers’ fight was my son or her daughter. Whatever. That was bullshit.

For the record, no friend has ever slammed a door in my face.

seriously, i made 3 new year’s resolutions to be a better friend. see what – or who – knocks on heidi’s door next!

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the most Aunt Flo-der-ful…

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the Most Aunt-Flo-der-ful, Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

Biggest. Party. Of. The. Year.

Two giant tents – filled with properly-placed napkins and gourmet picnic food on silver chafing dishes. A live pop cover band tests their equipment, which means you don’t have to bring your 9-iron today. Or plaid pants. Unless you really want to.

can you smell the cut grass and the grill? Read more to hear about “the wrinkle”

God hides under the kitchen table for 35 years?

Hello,
this is God.
I’ll be handling all of your problems today.
Have a miraculous day.

Heidi Esther’s negative-ninny mind has got her cornered again. How is she supposed to live when she feels like – she’s – a mistake? She finds an answer under the kitchen table…

8 years ago in a treehouse

I blew my nose in the last kleenex. I sat in a dark corner of my bedroom, my arms hugging my knees. Across from me: a wall of windows. The day was bright. My view was shaded, showing a lush, leafy vista. I pulled my hoodie strings tighter around my head.

Why was Heidi so sad? It looks like such a nice day outside! Read on to find out…

Are you there, dear son? It’s me, mommy.

Should I just give up?

I knew I already lost the battle.

Jonathan (apathetically, on the phone): I know, Mom.

Really? Does he know that his “streak” of 11, 13, and 14-hour days of screen time is making him dumber? And the other days at his Dad’s were equally impressive or horrifying (depending on how you look at it): 8, 9, and 12 hours.

Seriously, what does he do all that time online? and how can his mom even compete? Read ON!

Engagement Series 1/3: How can I love you?

Engagement Series 1/3: How Can I Love You? Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing

Coffee with a caveat

Stacey walked down my narrow, dark, second-floor hallway. She has this rock-star swagger about her walk. When we walk, her Air Force service gives her the intuitive tools to lock-step together, which I find romantic. She held my morning coffee in her hand, which, of course, fully endeared her to me. Then, something unexpected happened.

She didn’t hand over the coffee and got down on one knee.

will heidi ever get her morning coffee? Read on!