Staring at the horizon above the meadow at a tree-lined subdivison, my anger smokes out my fingertips. My body is in a yoga pose, called Warrior Two. Which always looks to me like an archer stance, ready for battle.
oooh! This sounds tough. Let’s go.Category: Personal Transformation
Are you ready to make your life work for you? Are you ready for more joy and more of what you want? Dig into tiny steps to create BIG change with a relatable and proven guide, Heidi Esther, Joy and Life Coach.
So, I disappointed my wife…
A story (Yes, I disappointed my wife, it’s true) that leads to the magical elixir that will keep You from feeling guilt AND will pave the way for you to shine as bright as a galaxy!
what is this magical elixir? And will I need a mortar and pestle? >>5 To Thrive
Jump to the 5 to Thrive Quiz!
A story… Recently, I woke up and I felt off. About 20 minutes into reorganizing my bathroom closet, I realized that I was in hard-core avoidance mode. As I weeded out the slimified old lotion bottles, I knew it was time.
I sat down and cried. I didn’t judge or question myself. I journaled. THEN, that afternoon, I connected with two friends to process the meltdown.
crying is so hard. that’s why god invented brownies.Living Guilt Free
I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”
But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.
Do you like to watch?
Hello, my dear! How are you, and how’s it going this week? We are bracing for a winter storm of sorts, so I made some peach sourdough bread and unearthed the snowblower. How’s the weather your way? Would love to know how you are taking care of yourself.
Just a sweet reminder that I’m thinking of you and I am also embracing my own one-of-a-kindness. And I am understanding my energetic limits and how I need to take care of myself.
The Result? I hope you like to watch because I am sharing my messages via Facebook and Youtube every week. (I’m saving my writing for launching For Cryin’ Out Loud, writing the next book, and help with Peeling Your Onion, in case you were wondering!)
Long story short, you can find all you need on my site!
- Go to This page for the most recent YouTube Episode or
- Come here for the most recent POD
- Check out the Facebook & Apple Podcast links, so you can join or subscribe there if you want!
Oh! Before I forget, I have a couple conversations coming up with some very interesting folks, plus a live storytelling (TODAY ON Facebook/Youtube), and Live with Heidi and Heather is coming back on February 16.
Sending you love, light, and laughter,
Heidi Esther
On Burnout.
When burnout happens, it’s time to love yourself with abandon + break out one small but mighty sentence: I quit.
A story on Burnout: Loving Mirror Walk
I walked next to a friend, in the crisp, late fall air. The heat generated from the first two miles let me know I’d need a shower when I got home, no matter how much i vented my coat. A fellow prolific creative, heart-centered momma, and woman finding her way to joy, we never tire of topics to connect over.
As an enneagram two, I invited her to share her recent experiences first; create that safe container for friendships. I used to think I did this because I didn’t think that much of myself. Now, I know I do it because it’s my nature.
As we started our second mile, she stopped, turned towards me, and stated
“Heidi, I don’t know if I could do what you do; sit and create every day at the same time and put out something once a week.”
As she said this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My legs turned as heavy as anchors; I caught my breath. I could tell my defensiveness (i.e. ego) kicked in as my insides were pointing me towards something I already knew, like one of those 1950’s arrowed diner signs.
“Well, I sat down and wrote my book at the same time every day, it’s a routine that feeds my joy of writing.” my ego spoke back, then the softening occurred.
“And I have felt like butter scraped over too much bread lately.” my non-ego part of me finished the thought.
- The next day, I sat down to write a story and poem. I couldn’t.
- The day after, I did twelve straight hours of housework and kid..
- The next, passive-aggressive-resentful Heidi woke up. I could feel her snarky valley girl voice weighing down my spirit. “Like that will ever happen,” “not like they care,” and “God, why can’t my teenagers parent themselves?” circled through my brain like a squeaky merry-go-round. I self-edited so much, I became an introvert.
- The day after was Monday. With my wife and kids gone to work, I couldn’t open my laptop. It felt like it would be one-thousand pounds. Instead of letting my head go into a death-to-Heidi’s-new-career spiral, I made healthy food and took two naps.
- Finally, the next day, I woke up and cried. Yes, a breakdown.
I spent the rest of the week eating and napping.
The next week, I started wondering what was going on. A word immediately came to me: Burnout. And it reminded me I’ve been blogging for eighteen months, podcasting for seven, growing Facebook for twelve, and co-hosting a Youtube show + Facebook Group for three. My focus has been on those things. Trying to be more helpful. For more people. Growing too slowly to help, at least in the monetary sense. And the hard truth, I couldn’t keep it all up. No matter how much I wanted to.
The SoulJourner QUESTion
The Solution >> I journaled about what will help me. The answer: Focus on my book and course. And another word came into my sphere: Alignment. I need to align my focus with who I am. Honor my needs for rest and quiet so I can share my deep, sometimes humorous, insights with you. To do this, I need to quit some things.
My wish for you: May you take time to ask yourself what’s important, and may you remember to bring your self, your vision, your personality, and your needs for self-care right alongside it. The universe wants you brilliant, whole, and loved. For that’s how you were born and how you were made to be. And May you create your very own Burnout Balm to soothe and heal your heart and soul!
The Solution: Burnout Balm
A special heartfelt thanks to the teachers who helped me uncover my own Burnout Balm: my walk with my creative friend, Alexandra Taketa’s blog post, and the books: Burnout, Miracle Morning for Entrepreneurs, and Dear Writer, You need to Quit.
One Big Toe + One Bigger Label
Twelve Days Until Christmas, 2004
I sat there, with my vanity chair drawn next to our bed, in my flannel pjs with the legs rolled up. My ears delighting in the snow tapping on the window pane. The air, a pungent perfume of nail polish. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I reach to my side and cross off two items from my list:
- 100 handmade beaded snowmen ornaments. Check.
- Perfect toenails for Christmas. Check.
I look down with pride. Ten glossy red nails and smooth feet. I am so glad that God gave me these feet. If all else fails, I can always be a foot-model. Definitely my top physical quality.
Three Years + Two kids + One Big Toe later
The podiatrist continues his lecture, bent over a tray of sterilized shiny objects. I fidget on the table and try not to stare at them. Instead I point and flex my right foot, trying to warm it up without a sock on.
“So, Heidi, because you didn’t notice your toe hurting until it was too late, this is your only option.” he finishes. A nurse comes into the room with a large needle.
Well, I bet he wouldn’t remember to do his nails if he had to change and launder 100 diapers a week. Geeze. Maybe it won’t be that noticeable. I can still be a mommy-foot-model.
Two days later, post ingrown-toenail-surgery, during my kids’ nap, I decide it’s time. I get out a flashlight. I go to the bathroom and survey the wreckage. Up-close, the perfect nail is no more. It’s clean and straight and pain-free. But looks unnatural.
What am I going to do now? Tears start cascading down my cheeks. I wipe them away faster than a jack rabbit.
The SoulJourner QUESTion
Without even knowing it, we all adopt labels, from ourselves and others. Mommy’s-little-helper, slow-learner, loudmouth, spender, saver, good son, good daughter, introvert, extrovert, directionally-challenged, indirect-communicator, Proud-member-of-the-tired-parent’s-club, slacker, workaholic, chocoholic. Mommy-foot-model.
There’s a price we pay for these labels. We let ourselves become too attached to them. The consequence? Unhelpful labels keep us suffering when we don’t measure up AND hesitating to learn new stuff. Because the label will shout back at us. Hey! You can’t go zip-lining. You’re afraid of heights! or Hey! You’re an introvert, you don’t want to meet those new people. How to master our labels before they master us? Make your labels like a post-it note.
The Post-it Note Exercise
Are you hesitant to do something you haven’t before? Are you mad at yourself about how something went? Check in with your labels.
STEP 1: Find-your-label prompt: Fill in the following
- Because I am a _____, I don’t want to or feel able to ______.
- Why do I have to be such a ____? If I wasn’t, I would be able to ________.
- I was made to be ____________; there’s nothing I can do about it.
STEP 2: Name it + feel it
The first part of the sentence is your label. This is a lens you are looking at life through right now. Note how it makes you feel. If it’s not helpful and empowering, it’s time to move onto Step 3.
STEP 3: Make it a Post-It
Life is flowing and changing around us. And we give and get different labels at different times. There are two ways you can let go of the grip of your label.
1) Be like Frozen: It might be time to visualize letting that word go. (Or even writing it down and burning it.)
2) Make it an ‘and’. Combine it with another label that feels like it contradicts it to you. Here are some of my ‘and’ labels that help me. Divorced AND Happy. Mommy AND Top-Priority. Writer AND Extrovert. Kind AND Assertive. People AND Animal person.
To be honest, there’s only one label that will let you discover how limitless you are:
Human Being.👊💕🙏
PS I just downloaded an affirmations app called “I am…” It has many different types of affirmations and LOADS of empowering labels. Let me know if you try it!
If you can’t be with the one you love…
So, if you can’t be with the one you love, do you really have to love the one you’re with? No, but it makes life a whole lot more awesome! A message of love for you for the holiday season! Or, really, any time of year 🙂
Dear miraculous and beautiful soul,
How the hell are you, my friend? Are you ramping up for the holidays a.la. caffeine-nation or finding some sweet time next to a lit tree or in a cozy nook? Or a little of both? Would love to know how you are taking care of yourself this season.
Over the past ten years, I’ve gone on a major Christmas-season transformation. From one fraught with parties, perfection, migraines, and lists longer than Santa’s. To one with fewer presents, commitments, and stillness to enjoy the darkness rising. Where are you on that holiday scale? More importantly, how do you feel about where you are at?
My family jokes every year that I used to hate Christmas. Which isn’t true.
The Truth>> I used to dread the holidays. All the doing. I am sure it was all the internal beatings I would give myself if things didn’t work out or get done in time. Yep, I was my own Nightmare before Christmas.
And, even with my resilience and mindfulness tools in my belt, I felt the pressure this holiday season. Pressure to move my business ahead. Faster.
The Messy Middle >> One day, I woke up and couldn’t work. Instead, I released some big, sad, been-workin-too-much-not-seeing-my-progress emotions. (Yes, I cried.) After beating myself up for a day, I woke up and said enough is enough.
The Answer >> Next, I opened up to Heather Kokx’s insightful words and gave myself mercy. I sat in long stillness, looking for guidance. And it came. The answer: Love myself. (Is love always the answer? 🧐)
And no matter if you hate or love all the festivities, may you dig deep to find your balance, your stillness, and your appreciation for the miracle of you.
So, would you like a quick reminder of how awesome you are? How you need to be a priority in your life? How you need to take care of yourself? 💌Get your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs here (pdf). 💌 And please do join us in my Facebook Group to chat about it. Would love to see your smiling heart there 🙂
More LOVE >> This week, I’m focused around helping you cultivate self-love (or self-friendliness!) in my Facebook Group. 💕Don’t forget, I’m live every Wednesday morning 9:30 am Central in the group and on YouTube Channel. Today, I’m talking about, you guessed it, self-love!
Sending you much peace and stillness to enjoy and be proud of the miraculous gift that is YOU.
With love, light and laughter,
Heidi Esther
ANNOUNCEMENTS
⍰ of the WEEK (DEC 6): What’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for accomplishing in 2021? Answer here!
📺 NEXT WED, DEC 15, 2021 @ 6:30 Central: Holiday #LikeABoss on the Live with Heidi and Heather show on YouTube. Bring a fav drink, holiday recipe, and gift received and tune in!
🐉⚔️ What do you need in your life to move forward with confidence? The answer is in my Dead Dragon story! Loving The Dead Dragon show? Try another of Katherine’s other empowering interviews!
➡ Pick up your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs! ⬇️
SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger
Welcome to SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger! Here is more info for you on the Everyday Superhero Method. Squashy story is right below! ⬇️
- OVERVIEW of the Everyday Superhero Method
- SuperStep 1: The Stepstool of Support
- SuperStep 2: Wake up and Let Go
- SuperStep 3: Letting In
- SuperStep 4: Moving Forward
Who will win: Heidi or the Squash?
The warm, autumn afternoon sunshine beamed down on our living room dog bed. Which was repositioned for the third time that day in its journey to stay with the sun. Olive, my Chiweenie, lay over the side with her front paws in prayer position, holding her orange chewy bone.
don’t pets have the best lives? IKR! read on curious soul >>>Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 003
Is Happiness a Red Herring?
Join Heidi Esther and Heather Kokx as they delve into the dark corners of…the ever-elusive Happiness in Episode 003 Happiness.
The SoulJourner QUESTion
Calling in my Winnie Exercise
In the Tao of Pooh, author Benjamin Hoff breaks each A.A. Milne character down into their core way of being. For Winnie the Pooh, he is the epitome of Taoism: he allows life, he lives in present, he is calm and joyful. For all the other characters, they have an overage of something that prevents them from fully enjoying life. If they could only see! (Here’s a slideshow if you want more info on the characters.)
After this exercise, you’ll be able to see when you’re a little off and Calling in Your Winnie. Embracing the values of Winnie the Pooh will help you find your inner Zen master, literally! More peace. More happiness. More flow. Boom, baby!
First, please note that it’s totally OKAY to have a favorite character who is NOT Winnie the Pooh! They are all adorable, beautiful, loyal friends.
STEP 1: Pause
When you’re feeling crappy or not enjoying all that life has for you, take a break. Take care of yourself. When you’re ready…
STEP 2: Forgiveness
Remind yourself:
- I am Enough.
- I am a human-in-progress.
- As such, you will go through all the feelings of all the characters (because you are human)! The key is to just not stay stuck in the unhelpful ones. 🙂
STEP 3: Congratulate
Take 30 seconds, a couple deep breaths, and try and cultivate some feelings of Pride. Be proud of yourself (maybe give yourself a bear hug!) for taking time to listen to and
STEP 4: Identify
What character most resembles how you are feeling right now?
Eeyore frets. He assumes the worst and isolates himself. He keeps his head and expectations lower than low.
Piglet hesitates and, as a result, fears for the future. Even if that’s walking under a tree! He second-guesses himself. He leans on Winnie to be brave and to take action.
Owl Pontificates. He gathers much but does not act on it. He waits to see others to share his knowledge, whether he is invited or not.
Rabbit calculates. Man, I used to totally identify with this workaholic-plan-for-everything bunny. With so much going on in Rabbit’s brain, however, there’s no room to enjoy anything. And he often overthinks things and overcomplicates situations.
Tigger is like a lightening bolt. He has energy for everything, but he does not take a break to focus it. Or think about his future. Thus, he gets caught in trees and other sticky situations.
STEP 5: Be honest.
Journal or talk with a trusted friend about what inner character(s) could be getting in your way. Yes, you can have more than one. Process what character(s) you are resonating with. What thoughts have you had or actions are you taking that are….
- Eeyore: Isolating you from taking care of yourself, seeing friends/family more often, or avoiding other responsibilities? Common symptoms of this are depression, hopelessness, I-give-up-ness, excessive-hermit-syndrome.
- Piglet: Preventing you from taking steps forward towards your next goal or dream? A first date? Applying for that job? Common symptoms are worry/anxiety that keeps you from enjoying things you normally like to do (like sleeping or eating, or Pac Man). Or catching yourself saying “I’m afraid that…” or “I worry that…”
- Owl: Amassing knowledge BUT not putting it into practice or using it to help others? Common symptoms are perfectionism, always trying to teach people things you know they don’t wanna hear, interrupting others to make sure they know the right answer, impostor syndrome.
- Rabbit: Focusing your energies on the Doing and Planning instead of the Feeling and Enjoying of life? Common symptoms of this are being a woman, burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion, feeling like you have to be doing something or you feel guilty, always preparing for life but feeling like you’re missing it.
- Tigger: Enjoying many things and pursuits, but not pausing to listen to yourself on what to focus on for the future or what feels right for you? Common symptoms of this are rollercoaster emotions, The No-Purpose-Zone, The Squirrel-Syndrome, and Exhaustion.
STEP 6: Calling in your Winnie
Now that you’ve brought the light of awareness to what might be keeping you from living a more joyful and authentic life, here are the next steps to Call in your Winnie based on how you answered the above.
- For all characters:
- Self-compassion: Make an effort to meet yourself every morning with this question: how can I take care of myself best today? And, NO excuses, follow through on what you need! You matter.
- Claim your Freedom: Can you forgive and let go? Can you learn your lesson and then let it go? Can you be grateful for the opportunity and then let it go? If not, write out what is keeping you stuck and write out PROS and CONS of holding onto this (feeling/person/situation). Be sure you add in Personal Freedom into the PROS column.
- Eeyore: Make time for play. Be brave and try something out of your comfort zone. Call a friend and hangout. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy. I am loved.
- Piglet: Make a plan. Write down your next important goal. Visualize yourself accomplishing that goal every day. Feel how you will feel when you get there. Find an accountability buddy. Then, take a baby step every day to get there. What is your first step? Adopt a mantra like: I am brave. I can do this.
- Owl: Make a list of your knowledge, skills, and gifts. On the next page, write down ways that feel good to you to use those in the world. Then, do something! ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I use my gifts to help others. I am kind.
- Rabbit: Build non-doing into your life. Take a walk, smell the hot chocolate, pet your dog. Meditate. Watch clouds. Enjoy being YOU. Practice Boundaries. Let go of the responsibilities that are the shoulds. Keep those that bring you joy. Ask for help. ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy because I am, or I treat myself as a friend.
- Tigger: Build breathing room into your life. Look at your fun and goals and prioritize them. Can you focus on your top few goals and say NO to some others? Adopt a mantra like: I make a difference or I create balance in my life.
Once you take a few simple steps, you’ll soon be Calling in your Winnie! 🧸😌
