Professional Coach | Speaker | Author
I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”
But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.
Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.
Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.
oh no. is denis okay?Hello beautiful! How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself today? Have you had a chance to put the cold weather aside and practice gratitude for the sun bathing your bed or your favorite chair? You guessed it, my dogs and I have been jockeying over sun spots.
Me? Well, other than winter sunning, I’ve been working like a surgeon. Carefully piecing apart, investigating, and putting together how I feel about all that I’m doing. About what drains me. What brings me energy. What brings me joy. Life asks a lot of us: to take care of family, dogs, work, passions, house, bills, Facebook, volunteering, and even ingrown toenails. (Yep, I’m in-between procedures and the first was a Doozie!) So, all those important things had to be put to the side to listen.
And to do that, I had to do something that would have been impossible, just a couple years ago.
I had to show guilt the door.
How did I do this>> I had to say that rebalancing my energy, dreaming my future, and reconnecting with my joy, had to come first. I asked for help with dinner. I meditated, napped, and stayed off Facebook. I actively told myself that I am worth my dream. That it’s okay to take time to figure out what that is, if the way is unclear. That it’s okay to love myself even though I’m a hot mess. I am worth putting my happiness first.
The Result>> Once I believed in my worth and joy, there was no more guilt. I stood up for my worth and my joy, unencumbered by what others thought or did.
So, my beautiful friend, this is what I want to share with you: You are worth all the time and quiet and space you need to connect with your love, joy, and purpose. Period. Because you are a magnificent gift to our world. You are worth standing up for. 🧍♀️🥰 🌎 💕
For you>> I’m going to be chatting weekly about the path I took from an unaware, guilt-ridden, and isolated young momma to finding my joy. I call it “Peeling Your Onion”. I’ll also have some new conversations with some new friends. Also, the Live with Heidi and Heather Shows is airing monthly on YouTube, too, to talk Joy, Happiness, and Freedom.
My first “Peeling the Onion” chat airs today on my Facebook and Youtube pages. Go here to watch it live or I’ll send it to you next week via email. Would love to know if showing guilt the door is something that you would like to know more about 🙂
Hello my joyful, beautiful friend! How are you? And how are you taking care of yourself this season? I’m so CURIOUS to know…
Because, my beautiful friend, there are so many fruitful things that come out of a habit of curiosity. Being open to new ideas. Putting on your courageous panties and walking forward. Or taking care of your needs in new ways. Allowing all the parts of you to be. (Even those you are, like, “why me, God?”)
So, my dear, my wish for you. May you embrace curiosity as a way to shine the light on all parts of your beautiful, evolving, messy, limitless, sometimes-troubled, sometimes-doubting, soul. And may you allow all your gifts to have a home in your heart. No. Matter. What.
And if you would like to hear more about curiosity…
When burnout happens, it’s time to love yourself with abandon + break out one small but mighty sentence: I quit.
I walked next to a friend, in the crisp, late fall air. The heat generated from the first two miles let me know I’d need a shower when I got home, no matter how much i vented my coat. A fellow prolific creative, heart-centered momma, and woman finding her way to joy, we never tire of topics to connect over.
As an enneagram two, I invited her to share her recent experiences first; create that safe container for friendships. I used to think I did this because I didn’t think that much of myself. Now, I know I do it because it’s my nature.
As we started our second mile, she stopped, turned towards me, and stated
“Heidi, I don’t know if I could do what you do; sit and create every day at the same time and put out something once a week.”
As she said this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My legs turned as heavy as anchors; I caught my breath. I could tell my defensiveness (i.e. ego) kicked in as my insides were pointing me towards something I already knew, like one of those 1950’s arrowed diner signs.
“Well, I sat down and wrote my book at the same time every day, it’s a routine that feeds my joy of writing.” my ego spoke back, then the softening occurred.
“And I have felt like butter scraped over too much bread lately.” my non-ego part of me finished the thought.
I spent the rest of the week eating and napping.
The next week, I started wondering what was going on. A word immediately came to me: Burnout. And it reminded me I’ve been blogging for eighteen months, podcasting for seven, growing Facebook for twelve, and co-hosting a Youtube show + Facebook Group for three. My focus has been on those things. Trying to be more helpful. For more people. Growing too slowly to help, at least in the monetary sense. And the hard truth, I couldn’t keep it all up. No matter how much I wanted to.
The Solution >> I journaled about what will help me. The answer: Focus on my book and course. And another word came into my sphere: Alignment. I need to align my focus with who I am. Honor my needs for rest and quiet so I can share my deep, sometimes humorous, insights with you. To do this, I need to quit some things.
My wish for you: May you take time to ask yourself what’s important, and may you remember to bring your self, your vision, your personality, and your needs for self-care right alongside it. The universe wants you brilliant, whole, and loved. For that’s how you were born and how you were made to be. And May you create your very own Burnout Balm to soothe and heal your heart and soul!
A special heartfelt thanks to the teachers who helped me uncover my own Burnout Balm: my walk with my creative friend, Alexandra Taketa’s blog post, and the books: Burnout, Miracle Morning for Entrepreneurs, and Dear Writer, You need to Quit.
I sat there, with my vanity chair drawn next to our bed, in my flannel pjs with the legs rolled up. My ears delighting in the snow tapping on the window pane. The air, a pungent perfume of nail polish. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I reach to my side and cross off two items from my list:
I look down with pride. Ten glossy red nails and smooth feet. I am so glad that God gave me these feet. If all else fails, I can always be a foot-model. Definitely my top physical quality.
The podiatrist continues his lecture, bent over a tray of sterilized shiny objects. I fidget on the table and try not to stare at them. Instead I point and flex my right foot, trying to warm it up without a sock on.
“So, Heidi, because you didn’t notice your toe hurting until it was too late, this is your only option.” he finishes. A nurse comes into the room with a large needle.
Well, I bet he wouldn’t remember to do his nails if he had to change and launder 100 diapers a week. Geeze. Maybe it won’t be that noticeable. I can still be a mommy-foot-model.
Two days later, post ingrown-toenail-surgery, during my kids’ nap, I decide it’s time. I get out a flashlight. I go to the bathroom and survey the wreckage. Up-close, the perfect nail is no more. It’s clean and straight and pain-free. But looks unnatural.
What am I going to do now? Tears start cascading down my cheeks. I wipe them away faster than a jack rabbit.
Without even knowing it, we all adopt labels, from ourselves and others. Mommy’s-little-helper, slow-learner, loudmouth, spender, saver, good son, good daughter, introvert, extrovert, directionally-challenged, indirect-communicator, Proud-member-of-the-tired-parent’s-club, slacker, workaholic, chocoholic. Mommy-foot-model.
There’s a price we pay for these labels. We let ourselves become too attached to them. The consequence? Unhelpful labels keep us suffering when we don’t measure up AND hesitating to learn new stuff. Because the label will shout back at us. Hey! You can’t go zip-lining. You’re afraid of heights! or Hey! You’re an introvert, you don’t want to meet those new people. How to master our labels before they master us? Make your labels like a post-it note.
Are you hesitant to do something you haven’t before? Are you mad at yourself about how something went? Check in with your labels.
The first part of the sentence is your label. This is a lens you are looking at life through right now. Note how it makes you feel. If it’s not helpful and empowering, it’s time to move onto Step 3.
Life is flowing and changing around us. And we give and get different labels at different times. There are two ways you can let go of the grip of your label.
1) Be like Frozen: It might be time to visualize letting that word go. (Or even writing it down and burning it.)
2) Make it an ‘and’. Combine it with another label that feels like it contradicts it to you. Here are some of my ‘and’ labels that help me. Divorced AND Happy. Mommy AND Top-Priority. Writer AND Extrovert. Kind AND Assertive. People AND Animal person.
To be honest, there’s only one label that will let you discover how limitless you are:
Human Being.👊💕🙏
PS I just downloaded an affirmations app called “I am…” It has many different types of affirmations and LOADS of empowering labels. Let me know if you try it!
Ready to get to Empowered Joy? Then you’ll need some Mad Libs, Dead Dragons, and Focus!
Hello, my beautiful friend! How are you and how are you taking care of yourself today? How was your Thanksgiving, if you celebrated it? Did you mask or vax up and see family? Would love to know! While I absolutely love Thanksgiving, I’m extra thankful for leftovers. (a.k.a. I don’t have to cook for the next ten days. 🦃🙏💕So….
CONFESSION: I can’t do everything. Once in awhile, I get caught up in a mindset where I tell myself “I can do everything, I got this!” I have a pretty creative and analytical brain, so both sides are always on board. What’s not on board: my time and sanity. So, inevitably, I end up taking a ton more time to do things that would be better outsourced, like to one of my kids, my wife, or to a professional.
SECOND Confession: I’ve been sitting on my book and companion workbook, telling myself I can format them myself. I have come to learn that the learning curve is steep and the results for my book could be a disaster. I am seeking help this week and starting to record it and put it in professional hands. I am becoming focused on what will help my message reach the most souls: my book.
My plan of attack: I am focusing on what I can do quickly, outsourcing what keeps me stuck, and keeping my important goal as my line of focus.
Which leads me to my new Facebook Group, My Joyfully Ever After (yes, you want to join!) My poll of the week in the group is: how do you stay focused on the important stuff with all life’s distractions? And my Question of the week is also up: what is one goal you are committed and focused on in the next 3-6 months?
FIVE things for you today!
1) FYI: I am launching my book MARCH 2022. Before then, I will be exclusively focused on sending you encouraging messages + becoming more visible + getting my book out.
2) Get ready to soak in more Heidi stories via video and podcast. I just launched my own YouTube Channel and will also be the guest on some podcasts as well.
3) Speaking of Shows, Heather and I are going live today at NOON CST to talk “From Hot Mess to Empowered Joy” I’ll also be reading from my upcoming book, too! Join us? We’ll be live on our YouTube Channel OR Facebook Group!
4) AND speaking of podcasts, I was on one and talked about my journey from Waking up to Transforming my life. Catch my episode on Apple Podcasts here: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/find-your-joyfully-ever-after-with-heidi-esther/id1577159495?i=1000542891954 OR on Katharine Loranger’s YouTube Channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0e6ZSPcMDQ7HWdVP4h_Yfw/videos. If you want to see other places I’ve been featured, pop over to my Featured Page.
5) Don’t forget to pick up your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs! Get your copy at http://freebie.heidiesther.com/MadLibs. Once you do that, join me in the new Facebook Group to do the prompts in December. I promise, it will be fun! Here’s more info!
Sending you peace and focus to spend time getting to know the person who matters a lot in your life…Beautiful You!
1) What’s your goal? Name it and give it a time frame.
2) Answer these three questions: What are you joyfully looking forward to doing as it relates to your goal? What do you need to learn? What are you absolutely not looking forward to?
3) Ask for help with what you are not looking forward to doing. Be creatively resourceful if you don’t have funds. Find resources to help you learn. Keep Joy as your compass. AND ask for help with or let go of anything else in your life that is taking up time or sucking your joy away. Yes, it’s hard to ask for help. And also liberating!
What’s up, my beautiful friend? How are you and how are you taking care of your learning spirit today? I am cuddled under two blankets on a couch next to two dogs who know something’s up.
Yep, there are suitcases, snacks, and pillows next to the front door. My wife and I are heading out for a weekend away. And (sound the trumpets!) I’ve slept in the last two days. I almost feel like my-rested self again. Kinda like I finished finals. Makes me wonder what grades I got. 🧐
Which reminds me. I grew up with two parents as teachers. I learned the deep value of learning. Somehow, I also developed a belief that, if you weren’t a teacher in a school, then I wasn’t listening. I was closed. Before I was self aware, I even told people they were wrong. 🤦♀️ No wonder I ended up on work assignments surrounded by potatoes. 🥔
Once I opened up to the humble possibility that anything could be a teacher, magic happened. My healing accelerated. Relationships improved. My anxiety got better. I’ve since learned from wise men, friends, sidewalks, my stepdog, and being quiet.
Like, thanks to what I learned from my sleep deprivation, I know I need support with my son’s soccer stuff. I’m setting up a carpool for his next soccer group. Regular bedtimes, here I come! 👊 🛌
So, my beautiful friend. Here’s an invitation for you.
Stay humble, open, and curious. The world can be your teacher. You can learn from the least and most of beings. Even the sky on your dog’s potty break can reveal to you that presence is a precious gift.
Heidi Esther
And with that, I give you Episode 002 of Live with Heidi and Heather. We talk about personal development, and why, like teachers, it can make your life.
Sometimes we get so focused on what we’re doing, or how much we got accomplished, we forget to stay open. To all the world is trying to teach us.
Curiosity. In my upcoming book, it is one of the first mindsets I adopted before I could move forward. In the companion workbook that will come out with my book, I talk about how to cultivate curiosity. And…it usually starts with a question. “Would releasing my money blocks be interesting?” OR “Why am I not happy?” OR “I wonder how it would feel to…”
When your inner critic arises, thank them for their input and years of service. Tell them they can still ride in the car but they no longer get to drive OR choose the podcast. Tell them that your curious, brave, creative soul is in the driver’s seat.
Open yourself up to your inner curiosity. Let your voice be heard. Then, follow your curiosity up and down the winding roads. Breath and learn from the road blocks. Why? Because you’ll soon be driving alongside the joyful love of your life: YO.U.
Hello, my beautiful friend! How is your heart these days? And how are you taking care of your gentle, bright spirit?
I have a random question for you…would you say you’re a soul-searcher? Like, someone who’s not afraid to look inside, connect with, and dig up (the good and the bad) to find more in your life? More You? More Joy? I came across that word, and then I wrote this about what I’m trying to do here:
I encourage fellow soul-searchers to greater Joy and Authenticity with relatable true stories, playful printables & mindfulness tools.
Anyway, that one sentence is the culmination of a book I read, called Building a Story Brand. It’s draft #1. Would love to know how you feel about that sentence. It could be why you and I click, or why you feel I’m coming from outer-space sometimes! Or Both!
Speaking of outer space… My new show that aired last Wednesday, Live with Heidi and Heather, is somewhere out there. 😂 🪐I don’t know where it went, but it didn’t go where it was planned. So, it’s now in the NEW! Live Heidi and Heather Facebook Group. Or you can listen to it on my pod!
So, all future live shows will stream to our Live With Heidi and Heather YouTube channel. Next one is October 20th at noon CDT. Don’t Forget, Please go to our YouTube channel and subscribe!
So, all social media aside, I’m learning lots of lessons these days. I’ve got an interrupting-chicken sleep schedule with some late nights, some early mornings. I’ve been a little “spicy and stressed. Somedays I drink Diet Coke, cry, or nap. Or all three! Yesterday, I journaled. And uncovered my feelings.
I wrote down what I could control (how I take care of myself / my attitude) and what I couldn’t (my son’s soccer, my wife’s work.) I admitted something I would NEVER have before. Back when I was perfectionistic-codependent stay at home mom. I’m having a hard time. And I need help.
It felt like I unlocked a door from a dark room and bathed in a warm flood of sunshine. ☀️So, my dear friend, may you know that you are strong and brave. And loved and supported. May you take time to be honest with yourself. So you know what you need. And ask for it. Like a car-pooling buddy, a friend to lean on, or some takeout. 🌮🥡🍕
Why ask for help? Because Your Joy Matters. Because you deserve the sunshine. Because you are strong and you need help.
So, being honest with oneself is hard. Harder than you might think. Here’s what I did to uncover my honest truth.
You have to overcome some hurdles to get to your truth. When you find yourself saying “I just wish..” or “I should…” or “Why me?” take out your journal or talk these things out with a trusted friend.
SuperStep5 (Getting Stronger) EveryDay Superhero Method EXTRA CREDIT: Do the above exercise, then ask yourself what kinds of lessons the universe might be showing you right now. Then, practice feeling gratitude for those lessons!
Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.
Welcome to SuperStep 3: Letting In. The Third of Five SuperSteps in the Everyday Superhero Method! (Here are the the First SuperStep and the Second SuperStep.)
The sleigh bells jingled against the front door. They left. I couldn’t.
I lay in bed, unable to move. Sharp hammers of pain pierce through my eye socket. My body shivers cold, covered in blankets. A couple minutes prior, it was uncovered, covered in sweat. A couple minutes before, it was laying on the bathroom floor, gripping the toilet like a safety bar on a rollercoaster.
Migraine.
I get them about once a month. It’s been this way since I was a teen. Unfortunately, there are periods where I get them more often, like around Christmas. And as a mom.
I missed my kids’ preschool music party. Tears run down my cheeks. I let them down.
And I’m messing up my…
It’s-gonna-be-a-Perfect-Christmas List:
My heart and head pound like the Kentucky Derby start line.
After two more trips to the bathroom, I am back in bed with a cold rag on my forehead. I close my eyes and picture my goal: January first.
I’m laying in a quiet winter woodland, with the snow blanketing my body in a soft sheet of glittery peace. I have nothing to do but breathe the cold, crisp air.
“Excuse me? I hate to interrupt, but you should use this extra time to make the Christmas cut out cookies!” Traditional Heidi jabs me with her pointed words. Who is Traditional Heidi? Lemme explain.
Imagine me with a miniature llama on each of my shoulders. The first is a miniature beige llama. She wears a 1950s housewife apron, has salon-perfect hair, and red glossy fingernails. She carries with her a dust mop, a well-behaved child on one hip, and to-do lists. This is Traditional Heidi. Traditional Heidi’s words layer on like thick frosting, with resentment and sarcasm. She likes waggling her finger at people and muttering things under her breath.
On my other shoulder stands a miniature rainbow-colored llama. She has long blonde dreads and a Holly Hobby patchwork skirt. She is Feminist Heidi. She comes with a bow and arrow, a couple of pom-poms, and a journal. Her eyes glow wild, confident, mischievous. She is herself unto no one. She gets enough sleep, and she is unafraid to speak her truth.
“You need to rest. This is your third holiday migraine…” Feminist Heidi warns.
“Your migraine is a PAIN, but you can operate a mixer. Your medicine only warns against heavy machinery,” Traditional Heidi puffs out her chest.
“But I don’t even LIKE cut out cookies,” Feminist Heidi whines.
“That’s no excuse. It’s not Christmas without them. Remember your childhood?” Traditional Heidi says while pinning on her Christmas brooch-of-the-day.
“Yes, it was a special time. You know what I liked most about Christmas growing up? Doing my homework behind the tree, surrounded by bubble lights and ornaments…” Feminist Heidi sighs, a broad smile spreading across her face, lost in her reverie…
Sharp as a needle, Traditional Heidi’s voice pricks the air.
“Focus, woman. You got perfect grades with that homework. Now, Perfect Christmas is up to you.”
I open my eyes and think of my It’s-Gonna-Be-A-Perfect-Christmas List. A little more rest, and I’ll get in the kitchen.
In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back. Only three months until PAIN. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas.
I sit down at the kitchen table. What am I going to do about Christmas? I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I stare at the buffalo.
Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.
In reality, somebody said that in my Codependents Anonymous meeting this week. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is I learn to treat myself as a friend.
What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?
I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is a f*cking impossible goal, and she would hand me a drink?
Yep, you got it, sister, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Thanks, Mr. Buffalo. I’ll try to do something to not hate Christmas this year.
I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Treat yourself as a friend.” I smile a broad smile.
You can only open new doors after you decide to shut others. Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.
Heidi Esther
Listening, honesty, kindness, responsibility. Four of the pieces in SuperStep Three of the Everyday Superhero Method. For today, let’s focus on kindness.
The next time you feel that inner struggle. That guilt. That tensing of your shoulders. That knot in your stomach. That “I have to” or “I should…” or “I can grit through this…” language come up. Stop.
GOAL: Over time, Beautiful Soul, you will realize that YOU are worth feeling good. You are worth all the time you need to feel fabulous, even! If, for no one else, yourself. And that’s not selfish, it’s how you become the Superhero of your Everyday. Realizing that you f*cking matter. Even more than Christmas.
Before the Everyday Superhero Course and book come out, how can you work on SuperStep 3? Stories tagged with SuperStep 3 highlight a small piece of the Letting In method. Search for SuperStep 3 on the homepage!
Overview of the Everyday Superhero Method SuperStep 1 of 5: Three Legs of Support SuperStep 2 of 5: Waking Up & Letting Go SuperStep 3 of 5: Letting In SuperStep 4 of 5: Moving Forward SuperStep 5 of 5: Getting Stronger
