Stories

Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 001: Why do we care?

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What happens when Diet Coke won’t fix it?

Hello, my beautiful friend! How is your heart these days? And how are you taking care of your gentle, bright spirit?

I have a random question for you…would you say you’re a soul-searcher? Like, someone who’s not afraid to look inside, connect with, and dig up (the good and the bad) to find more in your life? More You? More Joy? I came across that word, and then I wrote this about what I’m trying to do here:

I encourage fellow soul-searchers to greater Joy and Authenticity with relatable true stories, playful printables & mindfulness tools.

Anyway, that one sentence is the culmination of a book I read, called Building a Story Brand. It’s draft #1. Would love to know how you feel about that sentence. It could be why you and I click, or why you feel I’m coming from outer-space sometimes! Or Both!

Speaking of outer space… My new show that aired last Wednesday, Live with Heidi and Heather, is somewhere out there. 😂 🪐I don’t know where it went, but it didn’t go where it was planned. So, it’s now in the NEW! Live Heidi and Heather Facebook Group. Or you can listen to it on my pod!

So, all future live shows will stream to our Live With Heidi and Heather YouTube channel. Next one is October 20th at noon CDT. Don’t Forget, Please go to our YouTube channel and subscribe!

So, all social media aside, I’m learning lots of lessons these days. I’ve got an interrupting-chicken sleep schedule with some late nights, some early mornings. I’ve been a little “spicy and stressed. Somedays I drink Diet Coke, cry, or nap. Or all three! Yesterday, I journaled. And uncovered my feelings.

I wrote down what I could control (how I take care of myself / my attitude) and what I couldn’t (my son’s soccer, my wife’s work.) I admitted something I would NEVER have before. Back when I was perfectionistic-codependent stay at home mom. I’m having a hard time. And I need help.

It felt like I unlocked a door from a dark room and bathed in a warm flood of sunshine. ☀️So, my dear friend, may you know that you are strong and brave. And loved and supported. May you take time to be honest with yourself. So you know what you need. And ask for it. Like a car-pooling buddy, a friend to lean on, or some takeout. 🌮🥡🍕

Why ask for help? Because Your Joy Matters. Because you deserve the sunshine. Because you are strong and you need help.

Which brings me to Live with Heidi and Heather Episode 001…

The SoulJourner QUESTion

So, being honest with oneself is hard. Harder than you might think. Here’s what I did to uncover my honest truth.

Gaining Clarity Hurdles Exercise

You have to overcome some hurdles to get to your truth. When you find yourself saying “I just wish..” or “I should…” or “Why me?” take out your journal or talk these things out with a trusted friend.

  1. Share how you feel. Get it out, soul-searcher! When you’ve felt the peak and ebb of your feelings, ask yourself the following.
  2. What am I in control of?
  3. What am I not in control of?
  4. What am I expecting to happen?
  5. Is what I’m expecting to happen/what happened in my direct control?
    1. If YES: (your thoughts/actions/attitude/putting your phone down) take those steps. Write down a revised positive mantra that you can use to replace the unhelpful “i wish” or “I should” statement.
    2. If NO, ask yourself: What do I need to let go of? What can I ask for help with?
  6. The checker question: After the above steps, write down how you can best take care of yourself, your health, and your happiness, regardless of the outcome. Make sure – whatever you do – is aligned with taking care of yourself and your values.

SuperStep5 (Getting Stronger) EveryDay Superhero Method EXTRA CREDIT: Do the above exercise, then ask yourself what kinds of lessons the universe might be showing you right now. Then, practice feeling gratitude for those lessons!

Practicing: The Opposite of Perfectionism

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Keywords: self-awareness, emotional intelligence self-awareness, the opposite of perfectionism, case study emotional intelligence

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In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back.

Only three months until migraine-season. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas. Let me rephrase: Perfect Christmas.

“Ugggggh,” I audibly sigh.

I sit down at the kitchen table like an old lady. What am I going to do about Christmas? I want it to be PERFECT. I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I’m exhausted.

I stare at the buffalo.

Okay, maybe this is an Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness moment. I relax all the ways I imagine I’m making my veins popping out and breathe into the knot in my lower back.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in a Codependents Anonymous meeting. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is to learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is impossible, and she would hand me a drink? What is the Opposite of Perfectionism, anyway?

You can practice being your own friend, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Hmmm, practice. That’s an interesting word.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Practice Being my own friend.” I underline the word Practice and smile a broad smile. My inner perfectionist eases the knot in my back a little more. Maybe Practice has something to do with the opposite of perfectionism.

Over the next few Christmases, I Practice being my own friend around Christmas. Guess what happens?

  1. I have significantly reduced migraines
  2. I carve time for my own Christmas Celebrations -filled with silence, writing, and prayer instead of Go-Go-Go
  3. I prioritize connection and done over perfect. I experience the Opposite of Perfectionis!

The Opposite of Perfectionism

Judgement (read: Criticism, Perfectionism, Worry) is like a whip. We’re wired to conserve energy – so we avoid suffering, accept the whip, and unconsciously stay within learned thinking patterns. The result?

The whipping continues and we don’t suffer, because our brains are comfortable with it – and its wounds. We normalize our pain.

When we realize the whip is in our hand, we have a choice.

One sure-fire way to move past this is to adopt a fail-forward internal culture, or the culture of Practicing. It’s time we practice being our own friends first. This is the opposite of perfectionism.

Because, honestly, what’s the point of freedom if we’re jailed?

Heidi Esther

The Question

Your Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness Builder: Next time you are in a critical, perfectionistic, or worry-spiral, pause and ask yourself these questions: “What am I practicing here? What might a good friend say if I told them my challenge?“

Below are two ways to help you build Practicing + a Fail-Forward Internal Culture.

Subscribe to my Linked In Vault below – growing every week – to get the following High-Res PDFs

The Fail Forward culture is under EQ – Teams and Support. Practice Shoes are under The inner Critic.

You too will soon be enjoying more Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness and living the Opposite of Perfectionism!

Heidi Esther’s Linked In Vault

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