3 Keys to Live with no Regrets for today’s Resilient Woman

Are your kids are growing up too fast? Wish things had turned out differently? Looking for positive mindset hacks to Live with No regrets without bypassing the work? Here is your answer, Resilient woman!

TL;DR You, brilliant soul, are worthy of loving yourself free of regrets. – Heidi Esther

“Hey mom, I’ll be your Tik Tok manager. I can do that.” my son suggested in between shovels of dinner.

My heart soared. I envisioned him stopping by on weekends from college. Helping me navigate the new platform with ease. Each of us laughing and weaving our bond stronger.

In my heart, I knew he needed his time. I could feel a catch in my throat.

“How about we see how your first year goes, then maybe I can pay you next summer?” I asked and winked.

Later that night, I sat down and reflected. I knew exactly where that catch came from. Regret. Honestly, I live with almost no regrets, as crazy as that sounds. Not from Unemployment. Not from Divorce.

Regret pops in from time to time from the most unlikely place: When I was home with my kids.

Why? I wasn’t present; I was too busy trying to be perfect. I took all the pictures and was never in them. I don’t remember the smell of my babies or watching them in wonder and awe.

I went through this process to make peace with that me; that time. To reinforce my resilient woman.

3 keys To Live with no Regret?

woman wearing gray notch lapel suit jacket

1) Compassionate Copilot. First, send love, grace, and forgiveness to yourself. As if you were your best friend. What will the committee in your head get you? Just more headaches.

2) Lucky Penny. Sometimes we regret things that happened. Whether or not they were in our control, our job in life is to accept. Not accepting keeps our energy locked up and us not living our best lives. What was one lesson you learned and one thing you can be grateful for?

3) Try your best? Can you honestly say you tried your best with what you knew and who you were? If not, can you make a promise to yourself for next time? Realizing you tried your best reduces your shame and regret.

By engaging our compassion, gratitude, and making a promise to our future selves, we carve a heart-centered way to process, accept, and step forward as more resilient women. In the end, we lessen the shame and regret and tune into more present moment goodness and joy.

YES! The Joy that you deserve!

Your HUG

My dear, You are so Loved and Supported. You are here for a reason. You are made to be a unique, Brilliant Leader who lives in Joy.

It’s time to rewrite your story and Free your inner, Confident self.

In honor of all you are, I send you this Hug. Hug yourself or look at yourself in the mirror and say…

I am grateful for who I was and who I am.

Here’s another read about maintaining a Positive, Caring Mindset you might be interested in, resilient woman!

3 Unconventional Presents for Working Moms

Get ready for some affirmations and unconventional presents for working moms of any cloth. You’ll be surprised – they work for pretty much ANYONE. And you can’t buy them in a store…

A Story

As we went around the discussion circle, it became apparent. Being a working mom in the summer is its own dilemma. Each woman was asked to answer this question:

What would Success look like for you this summer?

“I love spending time with my kids, but…”

“How can I keep up the momentum and stay present for my kids?”

“I am not taking on any new clients.”

“…I know I’ll never get this time back.”

“Because I’m not the primary breadwinner…”

I could see the hope and despair in every woman’s eyes. The joy and exhaustion. The guilt and the longing.

In the midwest, summer can be glorious. And it can be full of competing priorities and values. Enough to flatten any strong hard working mom and send her pleading for Sleigh Bells and Stuffed Schedules.

My turn was coming up; my head was spinning. What to say?

My logical brain started: My kids are self-sufficient. Well, in most ways. But, to be honest, my son is leaving for college soon. (insert sadness) Homelife has been (insert: stressful.) And I’m still trying to figure out what a solid foundation for my business is. (insert worry)

Though the kids are picking their own blended schedules over the summer for the first time, I felt only one answer scream at me.

what are the gifts???!?

Never Grateful

Does the prospect of practicing gratitude annoy you? Gratitude used to bother the crap outta me, to be honest. A voice in my head was like “so what? it’s not like gratitude puts the food on the table, drives the kids around, or helps me deal with my ex.” Right?

ahhhhh, therein lies the secret sauce of gratitude.

ahhh! read on for the sauce!

An Unlimited Permission Slip

What’s a permission slip and what can it do for your life? Anything you want or everything that’s , depending on who’s writing it.

“T-minus one hour, ladies!” a Cheer-Bear voice booms from behind my door. I look up and stare at a new version of me in a round bulb-encased mirror. I’m sixty minutes from sharing my truth with a thousand people. Almost nine hundred more than I’ve ever been in front of, if you’d like to know.

My brain starts chucking thoughts at me.

MAN! Why does the head always get in the way! read on, brave >

5 Caring Mindset Tips when life gives you lemons + 2 Best Mindset Books

dreamy woman with cat resting on sofa at home

When life gives you lemons, how can you develop a positive, caring mindset to process and move forward with more knowledge and confidence? Here’s your answer.

TL:DR Go straight to 5 Positive, Caring Mindset Tips or 2 Best Mindset Book Recommendations

Don’t gloss over your hardship. Greet it like a dear friend, who is ready to help you clear the way for more of your brilliance. For in the clearing, new buds will emerge to provide you new light, breath, and growth. Yes, Phoenix, you will rise again.
Heidi Esther, when life gives you lemons

read on for story and tips!

Ukraine: What can you do?

Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.

Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.

oh no. is denis okay?

Practicing: The Opposite of Perfectionism

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Keywords: self-awareness, emotional intelligence self-awareness, the opposite of perfectionism, case study emotional intelligence

listen to the original story

In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back.

Only three months until migraine-season. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas. Let me rephrase: Perfect Christmas.

“Ugggggh,” I audibly sigh.

I sit down at the kitchen table like an old lady. What am I going to do about Christmas? I want it to be PERFECT. I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I’m exhausted.

I stare at the buffalo.

Okay, maybe this is an Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness moment. I relax all the ways I imagine I’m making my veins popping out and breathe into the knot in my lower back.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in a Codependents Anonymous meeting. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is to learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is impossible, and she would hand me a drink? What is the Opposite of Perfectionism, anyway?

You can practice being your own friend, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Hmmm, practice. That’s an interesting word.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Practice Being my own friend.” I underline the word Practice and smile a broad smile. My inner perfectionist eases the knot in my back a little more. Maybe Practice has something to do with the opposite of perfectionism.

Over the next few Christmases, I Practice being my own friend around Christmas. Guess what happens?

I have significantly reduced migraines
I carve time for my own Christmas Celebrations -filled with silence, writing, and prayer instead of Go-Go-Go
I prioritize connection and done over perfect. I experience the Opposite of Perfectionis!

The Opposite of Perfectionism

Judgement (read: Criticism, Perfectionism, Worry) is like a whip. We’re wired to conserve energy – so we avoid suffering, accept the whip, and unconsciously stay within learned thinking patterns. The result?

The whipping continues and we don’t suffer, because our brains are comfortable with it – and its wounds. We normalize our pain.

When we realize the whip is in our hand, we have a choice.

One sure-fire way to move past this is to adopt a fail-forward internal culture, or the culture of Practicing. It’s time we practice being our own friends first. This is the opposite of perfectionism.

Because, honestly, what’s the point of freedom if we’re jailed?
Heidi Esther

The Question

Your Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness Builder: Next time you are in a critical, perfectionistic, or worry-spiral, pause and ask yourself these questions: “What am I practicing here? What might a good friend say if I told them my challenge?“

Below are two ways to help you build Practicing + a Fail-Forward Internal Culture.

Subscribe to my Linked In Vault below – growing every week – to get the following High-Res PDFs

The Fail Forward culture is under EQ – Teams and Support. Practice Shoes are under The inner Critic.

You too will soon be enjoying more Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness and living the Opposite of Perfectionism!

Agreement 1: Can you Be Impeccable with your Word?

I came back to work early. Then, I heard my name, loud and clear, from the other side of the door. My manager’s door.

Welcome to the SoulSanity Four Agreements Series! These stories show how I, Heidi Esther, work on adopting the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, I welcome you to the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

A quiet office

I stepped into my shared office. My post-lunch belly as happy as a dolphin. The afternoon sun glowing through the mini-blinds.

While it’s nothing fancy, I like my non-profit office. Two uncluttered desks surrounded by filing cabinets, and a clean floor as often as we vacuum.

The office lights were off. My officemate was behind the door, a few feet from my desk. That’s right, today is her review. Like a ninja, I put away my afternoon chocolate and drew my chair.

And that’s when it happened.

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Yea, and Heidi…”

it never feels good when people talk about you behind your back…. read more here!

When one door is barred off…

I can’t go anywhere without my pillow, which, to be honest, can be replaced by one towel.

I sat there, in a looks-like-Voldemort’s-Ministry-of-Magic-Boardroom. The third story of a law office in our midwestern downtown. My cold, clammy hands clutched a legal agreement. I looked up from the papers to the outside.

but what does the paper say??? read on, valiant soul!

Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Two days later, in the early morning.

Barbara (shuffling in the kitchen with a long face): Mom, Batgirl is shaking again.

She hugs my robed-self tightly from the side. I wrap my arms around her.

Me: People also get like this, at the end, too. It’s just that we give them medicine.

Barbara: It’s not fair.

Yes, it might be time for a kleenex. Read on, sweet animal-loving soul!

Category: positive-mindset