3 Keys to Live with no Regrets for today’s Resilient Woman

despaired woman touching head in room

Are your kids are growing up too fast? Wish things had turned out differently? Looking for positive mindset hacks to Live with No regrets without bypassing the work? Here is your answer, Resilient woman!

TL;DR You, brilliant soul, are worthy of loving yourself free of regrets. – Heidi Esther

“Hey mom, I’ll be your Tik Tok manager. I can do that.” my son suggested in between shovels of dinner.

My heart soared. I envisioned him stopping by on weekends from college. Helping me navigate the new platform with ease. Each of us laughing and weaving our bond stronger.

In my heart, I knew he needed his time. I could feel a catch in my throat.

“How about we see how your first year goes, then maybe I can pay you next summer?” I asked and winked.

Later that night, I sat down and reflected. I knew exactly where that catch came from. Regret. Honestly, I live with almost no regrets, as crazy as that sounds. Not from Unemployment. Not from Divorce.

Regret pops in from time to time from the most unlikely place: When I was home with my kids.

Why? I wasn’t present; I was too busy trying to be perfect. I took all the pictures and was never in them. I don’t remember the smell of my babies or watching them in wonder and awe.

I went through this process to make peace with that me; that time. To reinforce my resilient woman.

3 keys To Live with no Regret?

woman wearing gray notch lapel suit jacket

1) Compassionate Copilot. First, send love, grace, and forgiveness to yourself. As if you were your best friend. What will the committee in your head get you? Just more headaches.

2) Lucky Penny. Sometimes we regret things that happened. Whether or not they were in our control, our job in life is to accept. Not accepting keeps our energy locked up and us not living our best lives. What was one lesson you learned and one thing you can be grateful for?

3) Try your best? Can you honestly say you tried your best with what you knew and who you were? If not, can you make a promise to yourself for next time? Realizing you tried your best reduces your shame and regret.

By engaging our compassion, gratitude, and making a promise to our future selves, we carve a heart-centered way to process, accept, and step forward as more resilient women. In the end, we lessen the shame and regret and tune into more present moment goodness and joy.

YES! The Joy that you deserve!

Your HUG

women hugging each other

My dear, You are so Loved and Supported. You are here for a reason. You are made to be a unique, Brilliant Leader who lives in Joy.

It’s time to rewrite your story and Free your inner, Confident self.

In honor of all you are, I send you this Hug. Hug yourself or look at yourself in the mirror and say…

I am grateful for who I was and who I am.

Here’s another read about maintaining a Positive, Caring Mindset you might be interested in, resilient woman!

3 Unconventional Presents for Working Moms

Get ready for some affirmations and unconventional presents for working moms of any cloth. You’ll be surprised – they work for pretty much ANYONE. And you can’t buy them in a store…

A Story

As we went around the discussion circle, it became apparent. Being a working mom in the summer is its own dilemma. Each woman was asked to answer this question:

What would Success look like for you this summer?

“I love spending time with my kids, but…”

“How can I keep up the momentum and stay present for my kids?”

“I am not taking on any new clients.”

“…I know I’ll never get this time back.”

“Because I’m not the primary breadwinner…”

I could see the hope and despair in every woman’s eyes. The joy and exhaustion. The guilt and the longing.

In the midwest, summer can be glorious. And it can be full of competing priorities and values. Enough to flatten any strong hard working mom and send her pleading for Sleigh Bells and Stuffed Schedules.

My turn was coming up; my head was spinning. What to say?

My logical brain started: My kids are self-sufficient. Well, in most ways. But, to be honest, my son is leaving for college soon. (insert sadness) Homelife has been (insert: stressful.) And I’m still trying to figure out what a solid foundation for my business is. (insert worry)

Though the kids are picking their own blended schedules over the summer for the first time, I felt only one answer scream at me.

what are the gifts???!?

Never Grateful

Does the prospect of practicing gratitude annoy you? Gratitude used to bother the crap outta me, to be honest. A voice in my head was like “so what? it’s not like gratitude puts the food on the table, drives the kids around, or helps me deal with my ex.” Right?

ahhhhh, therein lies the secret sauce of gratitude.

ahhh! read on for the sauce!

An Unlimited Permission Slip

What’s a permission slip and what can it do for your life? Anything you want or everything that’s , depending on who’s writing it.

“T-minus one hour, ladies!” a Cheer-Bear voice booms from behind my door. I look up and stare at a new version of me in a round bulb-encased mirror. I’m sixty minutes from sharing my truth with a thousand people. Almost nine hundred more than I’ve ever been in front of, if you’d like to know.

My brain starts chucking thoughts at me.

MAN! Why does the head always get in the way! read on, brave >

5 Caring Mindset Tips when life gives you lemons + 2 Best Mindset Books

dreamy woman with cat resting on sofa at home

When life gives you lemons, how can you develop a positive, caring mindset to process and move forward with more knowledge and confidence? Here’s your answer.

TL:DR Go straight to 5 Positive, Caring Mindset Tips or 2 Best Mindset Book Recommendations

Don’t gloss over your hardship. Greet it like a dear friend, who is ready to help you clear the way for more of your brilliance. For in the clearing, new buds will emerge to provide you new light, breath, and growth. Yes, Phoenix, you will rise again.

Heidi Esther, when life gives you lemons
read on for story and tips!

Ukraine: What can you do?

Hello, beautiful. How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself these days? I have one word for you today. Ukraine. Have you been following the news? I know, even for me, who doesn’t watch much news, the crisis in Ukraine is filling up the corners of my heart’s attention.

Denis, the person who compiled my audiobook, lives in Ukraine. His house and the city where he lives, Kharkiv, are in ruins. He’s evacuating his family to a different city now. I know from the news that he, as an able-bodied man, may have to fight if things get worse.

oh no. is denis okay?

SuperStep 3: Letting In

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Welcome to SuperStep 3: Letting In. The Third of Five SuperSteps in the Everyday Superhero Method! (Here are the the First SuperStep and the Second SuperStep.)

Christmas, a four-letter word

December 2009

The sleigh bells jingled against the front door. They left. I couldn’t. 

I lay in bed, unable to move. Sharp hammers of pain pierce through my eye socket. My body shivers cold, covered in blankets. A couple minutes prior, it was uncovered, covered in sweat. A couple minutes before, it was laying on the bathroom floor, gripping the toilet like a safety bar on a rollercoaster.

Migraine.

I get them about once a month. It’s been this way since I was a teen. Unfortunately, there are periods where I get them more often, like around Christmas. And as a mom.

I missed my kids’ preschool music party. Tears run down my cheeks. I let them down. 

And I’m messing up my…

It’s-gonna-be-a-Perfect-Christmas List:

  • 300-page annual Grandkid photo album? Check.
  • 12 loaves of Cranberry Apple bread? Check.
  • Food and presents for six preschool parties? In progress.
  • Church Nativity Play. Ugh.
  • 200 Candy cane reindeers? Well…I let my three-year-old help. Fixing cyclops reindeers soon.
  • All the usual decorating and shopping and baking and cleaning and wrapping and coffee and volunteering and crying in bathroom stalls…

My heart and head pound like the Kentucky Derby start line.

After two more trips to the bathroom, I am back in bed with a cold rag on my forehead. I close my eyes and picture my goal: January first.

I’m laying in a quiet winter woodland, with the snow blanketing my body in a soft sheet of glittery peace. I have nothing to do but breathe the cold, crisp air.

The Battle Begins

“Excuse me? I hate to interrupt, but you should use this extra time to make the Christmas cut out cookies!” Traditional Heidi jabs me with her pointed words. Who is Traditional Heidi? Lemme explain.

Imagine me with a miniature llama on each of my shoulders. The first is a miniature beige llama. She wears a 1950s housewife apron, has salon-perfect hair, and red glossy fingernails. She carries with her a dust mop, a well-behaved child on one hip, and to-do lists. This is Traditional Heidi. Traditional Heidi’s words layer on like thick frosting, with resentment and sarcasm. She likes waggling her finger at people and muttering things under her breath.

On my other shoulder stands a miniature rainbow-colored llama. She has long blonde dreads and a Holly Hobby patchwork skirt. She is Feminist Heidi. She comes with a bow and arrow, a couple of pom-poms, and a journal. Her eyes glow wild, confident, mischievous. She is herself unto no one. She gets enough sleep, and she is unafraid to speak her truth. 

“You need to rest. This is your third holiday migraine…” Feminist Heidi warns. 

“Your migraine is a PAIN, but you can operate a mixer. Your medicine only warns against heavy machinery,” Traditional Heidi puffs out her chest.

“But I don’t even LIKE cut out cookies,” Feminist Heidi whines.

“That’s no excuse. It’s not Christmas without them. Remember your childhood?” Traditional Heidi says while pinning on her Christmas brooch-of-the-day.

“Yes, it was a special time. You know what I liked most about Christmas growing up? Doing my homework behind the tree, surrounded by bubble lights and ornaments…” Feminist Heidi sighs, a broad smile spreading across her face, lost in her reverie…

Sharp as a needle, Traditional Heidi’s voice pricks the air.

“Focus, woman. You got perfect grades with that homework. Now, Perfect Christmas is up to you.”

I open my eyes and think of my It’s-Gonna-Be-A-Perfect-Christmas List. A little more rest, and I’ll get in the kitchen.

October First, three years later.

In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back. Only three months until PAIN. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas.

I sit down at the kitchen table. What am I going to do about Christmas? I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I stare at the buffalo.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in my Codependents Anonymous meeting this week. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is I learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is a f*cking impossible goal, and she would hand me a drink?

Yep, you got it, sister, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Thanks, Mr. Buffalo. I’ll try to do something to not hate Christmas this year.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Treat yourself as a friend.” I smile a broad smile. 

SuperStep 3: Letting In Quote

You can only open new doors after you decide to shut others. Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Heidi Esther

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Listening, honesty, kindness, responsibility. Four of the pieces in SuperStep Three of the Everyday Superhero Method. For today, let’s focus on kindness. 

SuperStep 3 Exercise: Treat Yourself as a Friend. 

The next time you feel that inner struggle. That guilt. That tensing of your shoulders. That knot in your stomach. That “I have to” or “I should…” or “I can grit through this…” language come up. Stop.

  1. Take a break. Breathe 4 deep breaths. Or take a quick walk. 
  2. Notice how you felt in your body before and after. When you feel a little looser, move onto the next step. 
  3. Write down what you feel you have to do on one side of the paper. 
  4. On the other side, write down what you will give up to do that thing. (For example: sleep/down time/dinner/your weekend)
  5. Below those two answers, write down the answer to one of these questions: “How would my friend respond if I told them this dilemma? What would they say?” OR “What if my best friend told me this, what would I suggest they do?” 

GOAL: Over time, Beautiful Soul, you will realize that YOU are worth feeling good. You are worth all the time you need to feel fabulous, even! If, for no one else, yourself. And that’s not selfish, it’s how you become the Superhero of your Everyday. Realizing that you f*cking matter. Even more than Christmas.

Before the Everyday Superhero Course and book come out, how can you work on SuperStep 3? Stories tagged with SuperStep 3 highlight a small piece of the Letting In method. Search for SuperStep 3 on the homepage!

Overview of the Everyday Superhero Method
SuperStep 1 of 5: Three Legs of Support
SuperStep 2 of 5: Waking Up & Letting Go 
SuperStep 3 of 5: Letting In
SuperStep 4 of 5: Moving Forward 
SuperStep 5 of 5: Getting Stronger

Agreement 1: Can you Be Impeccable with your Word?

I came back to work early. Then, I heard my name, loud and clear, from the other side of the door. My manager’s door.

Welcome to the SoulSanity Four Agreements Series! These stories show how I, Heidi Esther, work on adopting the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, I welcome you to the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

A quiet office

I stepped into my shared office. My post-lunch belly as happy as a dolphin. The afternoon sun glowing through the mini-blinds.

While it’s nothing fancy, I like my non-profit office. Two uncluttered desks surrounded by filing cabinets, and a clean floor as often as we vacuum. 

The office lights were off. My officemate was behind the door, a few feet from my desk. That’s right, today is her review. Like a ninja, I put away my afternoon chocolate and drew my chair.

And that’s when it happened.

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Yea, and Heidi…”

it never feels good when people talk about you behind your back…. read more here!

When one door is barred off…

I can’t go anywhere without my pillow, which, to be honest, can be replaced by one towel.

I sat there, in a looks-like-Voldemort’s-Ministry-of-Magic-Boardroom. The third story of a law office in our midwestern downtown. My cold, clammy hands clutched a legal agreement. I looked up from the papers to the outside.

but what does the paper say??? read on, valiant soul!

Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Two days later, in the early morning.

Barbara (shuffling in the kitchen with a long face): Mom, Batgirl is shaking again.

She hugs my robed-self tightly from the side. I wrap my arms around her. 

Me: People also get like this, at the end, too. It’s just that we give them medicine. 

Barbara: It’s not fair. 

Yes, it might be time for a kleenex. Read on, sweet animal-loving soul!
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