Are You the Hero, Damsel, or Evil Stepmother?

How are you, beautiful? My wish for you today is to welcome in the darkness with stillness and curiosity, while also holding space for hope and light. As my dear friend and astrologer says (I’m paraphrasing) “may you welcome in the yin and yang, the duality of life.” The duality of the knowledge in the dying and rebirth of the light within you. After all, it’s only after we let things go that we can let in the new. Speaking of letting go and letting in, I feel called to share a little story with you.

Are you the Hero, The Damsel, or The Evil Stepmother?

When my kids were little, I was a bit of an exhausted perfectionistic doormat-y mommy. Who tried to do it all. Who tried to create a life for my kids where they learned, thrived, and were properly bathed and socialized… I called my mom everyday, to learn things from how to mash potatoes and even plant something in the ground.

But, as if all that wasn’t enough…

Something always followed me around, from the time I was a teen through the next two decades of my life. A sinking pit in my stomach. Every time there was a movement, I would jump. Every time I got in the car and looked in my rearview mirror. Every time I was on the sidewalk and someone walked towards me, that sinking sensation in my stomach would happen, and I would move to the side and apologize for my double-wide (stroller.)

YEA, it’s like I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was waiting to be “found out”. I was at-the-ready to apologize for whatever came up, whatever I did, just to make sure everyone had the best experience. It’s like I was constantly feeling that I was doing something wrong. In reality, I was overhelping and people pleasing to exhaustion.

But I thought, all this time: I am a Helper, after all! That’s my superpower. I’m the best Robin that Batman ever saw!

So, what was the problem?

When my life fell apart in all its kaleidoscope of colors, being the helper and the sidekick didn’t work. I had to work on myself and my mess.

And that’s when it happened.

I realized I was not meant to live my life as Robin.

HONEST EDIT > (I did try living my life as a damsel in distress and also as my own evil stepmother, those didn’t work either, fyi)

After a fractal journey of learning through pain points, ( < welcome to the hero’s fractal journey and my logo) I realized that…

To live authentically,

while having the most joy, and

no longer “waiting for the other shoe to drop”…

I had to let go of living in the shadow and embrace standing in my own Heroic light.

I had to embrace being someone who doesn’t get pits in their stomach. Who doesn’t apologize for taking up space.

So, I had to ask myself this question all the time. And now I’m asking it of you (in each little situation you get into…) Are You the Hero, the Damsel, or the Evil Stepmother?

AND, if you notice you’re NOT the hero, here’s your #JoyChallenge!

Hero Step >> Believe You are Equally Worthy

I had to believe that I am just as worthy as everyone else of living life as The Hero. Having this belief was the first step to claiming my Heroic Joy.

Now, I walk alongside women through the process of believing and owning their worth. Of feeling they are just as divine and as much as a gift to our world as Mother Theresa.

How do I do this? I hold space to reflect your unique brilliance. I walk you through Three Frameworks: Emotional Intelligence, Self-Leadership, and Co-active Coaching for fulfillment and balance. I provide the questions. Because I know, beautiful {{ subscriber.first_name }}, you have the answers inside.

So, are you ready to Embrace your Hero?

Here are two steps you can do any day, beautiful 💃 💃

Share how you are Embracing your own Inner Hero in the My Joyfully Ever After Facebook group!
Chat with me about your journey and see if support is what you need to unleash your inner Hero (FYI I have only 2 OPENINGS left in January)

💝 💝 💝 What a better present to give YOU and YOUR LIFE than one of empowered Joy, amIright? 💝 💝 💝

sending you love, light, and worthiness to light a thousand galaxies,

heidi esther

*What does this phrase mean, anyway? According to grammarist.com… The phrase wait for the other shoe to drop became popular at the turn of the twentieth century, and originated in New York tenements. Tenements were usually poorly constructed, crowded apartment buildings. A resident could certainly hear his upstairs neighbor dropping his shoes on the floor as he took them off at night–first one, then the other.

PS Let us know how you embrace the Hero! Pop over to my Joyfully Ever After Facebook Group!

PPS Are you ready to stop waiting to be the Hero of your life? Book a Joy Discovery chat here.

HONESTLY, it’s pretty much impossible to live a life that brings you Joy if you are always treating yourself not as equally brilliant as everyone else. So, if you want more joy, then give yourself permission to be the Hero of your day! And, if that’s too hard, try being the hero of your morning, first. Rooting for you 💕 💕

Never Grateful

Does the prospect of practicing gratitude annoy you? Gratitude used to bother the crap outta me, to be honest. A voice in my head was like “so what? it’s not like gratitude puts the food on the table, drives the kids around, or helps me deal with my ex.” Right?

ahhhhh, therein lies the secret sauce of gratitude.

ahhh! read on for the sauce!

You are a Rock Star. So, why don’t you feel it?

Read on for your rock star guide, beautiful!

I stared up at the stage, in awe, gratitude, and wonder. TV screens one hundred feet tall flanked the stage, creating live music videos of her performance, as she sang. She sang of jealousy. Of rage. Of abandonment. Of being an outsider. In between songs, she talked of motherhood and how people accuse her of having a secret penis.

At the end of two hours and over fifteen outfit changes, she sang while doing flips in a harness attached to a system that lifted her peter-pan style to the corners of a filled Major League baseball stadium. 🤯

P!nk.

During this performance, in over one hundred degree heat, I danced, massaged my sore legs, drank an inordinate amount of water, and basked in the glow of my wife, shining and radiant. However, If I’d gone to this experience just a few years ago, the key words would have been oppressive, loud, frustrated, painful, and tired.

But a lot has happened inside between then and now. Especially two key words. What are they? Well, answer coming…

So, we call famous people peculiar and eccentric. We think we’re sooooo different. But, maybe outside of the economics, we’re not. Maybe…

We are all weird and eccentric.

The difference? They have fully incorporated and radically accepted (<-THE ANSWER) their strange beautiful. Some people call it their shadow selves. No matter what it’s called, they bring these dark pieces of themselves into the light, for all to see. And we love them for it. Let me rephrase: our strange, sad, raging, queer, misunderstood, hidden peculiar parts feel not as alone. We feel more whole when we see the strangeness up there.

Seeing them gives us hope that we, too, aren’t broken. That we, too, have peculiar genius. That we, too, can love our whole selves into the light.

And the real magic?

These rock stars surround themselves with those who love and support their entire essence, too. They have turned their kryptonite into superpower. And have support doing it. Let me repeat that: The rock stars find people who don’t cut them down for being different. Who help lift them up because of it.

I stood there, closed my eyes, and soaked in the love. Over forty thousand humans, practicing radical love and acceptance and support of one another and the peculiar, eccentric rock star.

I felt kinship to everyone in the stadium, even the Rock Star. Not better, not worse, just awe and love. In my own way, I felt like my own kinda rock star.

And for you, dear beautiful, weird, in-progress, divine soul?

What about you? Do you wake up feeling like a rock star? If not, how are your dark pieces? Are you done with beating yourself up yet about what you need to improve or change? Are you ready to love yourself into the light, so you can enjoy your time on this spinning rock to the fullest? Are you ready to see what radical acceptance can do for you? Are you ready to clear away the busyness, turmoil, and pressures to make more room for Your Joyfully Ever After?

Seriously, what do you want your life to look like? To feel like? Do you have unconditional support + radical acceptance of all of you? Intuition? Resilience? Badass boundaries? Let’s chat to see if I am the right person to walk with you.

Go here to book a 30 min Joy Discovery chat with me. Sending love and hugs to all the magnificent rock star brilliance that you are.

with love, light, and flippin’ joyfully ever afters,

Heidi Esther

PS P!nk vid 👇

A Joyful Home in Unknown Territory

How can you refind your ground and joy when thrown into unknown territory?

My heart pounded louder and louder in my chest. I hunched over on the bed, a large friendship bracelet-in-progress pinned to a pillow, knotting and knotting like I was behind quota. Breathing in for four counts, holding for four, and out for eight. Letting the pause after the exhale settle into the stillness of a pond. When my heart didn’t settle, I turned my ears to the outside.

Read on, brave soul!

Two unfamiliar noises filtered in through the single window. The first sounded like rain on my window (my favorite!) but was the wind whipping through palm trees. Second, I heard bright, warbling chirps that reminded me I wasn’t in Kansas, er, Illinois.

Hawaii.

Why me? Why now? Why this?

I’m like a fish out of water. Complete Unknown Territory.

These questions shook the shoulders of my sleepy, family-vacation brain. One used to only coming up for air to hand out fresh Twizzlers, help everyone pack a lunch, and put dinner on the table.

It had been a landmark week. Snorkeling with turtles. Kid surfing lessons. Chocolate-covered Macademia nuts. AAA-mazing beach days. Connecting with my kids in the corners of the day.

Yet, sitting on the bed, weaving the bracelet, my heart pounded. I felt the worry lines dig further into my forehead crease. Why these questions?

The night before, my wife and I went to listen to a native Hawaiian storyteller. We learned of the parts the United States and native Hawaii both played in becoming a state. (Neither side of the story is flattering, fyi.) We learned of cultural erosion, the land abuse, and the mental and physical decline in the native Hawaiian community. My highly sensitive soul cried.

With this newborn awareness, I asked, “What can we do?”

And he said two words. Words that seemed like someone gave me a piece of tape to stop a dam from breaking.

“Practice Aloha,” he pleaded. “Use our words so they are not lost.”

Now, you might think Aloha is just hello, but it’s more.

It’s a warm welcome coupled with a recognition of seeing the spirit of another divine soul. Kinda like a combination of a “Howdy, neighbor!” and “namaste.”

A few days later, we came home. My heaviest souvenirs were grief and questions that I see no answer to. I felt as an alien from a different planet. My relationship to my life, our country, this land, my purpose had shifted. At first, I busied myself to avoid the discomfort. After a week or so, I stopped being a broken, sad, complaining record to my wife and faced it. Here’s one tool I used.

Not unlike how I found joy during the pandemic shutdown, I am working on my Self-Leadership skills of Support, Resilience, Emotional Intelligence, taking Responsibility and asserting boundaries. And now I can say that I accept myself, my path towards joy, and my lack of answers with comfortable ferocity. I am, finally, at home in Unknown Territory.

I am stronger and more steadfast in my love and joy because of the discomfort and unknown and am faithful that answers will come in their time.

And that is where I plan to make camp.

Join me?

The Soul-Journer Questions for Unknown Territory

Are you trying to figure out what’s next for you? Are you ready to get at Home in Unknown Territory so you can walk towards the life of your dreams – the life you deserve? Are you ready to lean in and say YES! to more Joy – on your own terms vs. taking care of everyone else and leaving your desires to gather dust in the corners? Then let’s have a heart-centered convo 👇 💕

Click HERE to book a free 30-min Joy Discovery Sesh!

Sending much love, light, and Aloha for your travels,

Heidi Esther

Yard Sale, brought to you by Impostor Syndrome

I stood there, clutching the fake microphone. The words dripped out of my mouth like cold honey. I could not heat them up, no matter how much I tried. All of the energy I had left pooled in my feet, anchoring me down to sleepy depths.

To try to muster some energy, I started pacing, but the lights in the room reflected upon the words on my pages, making me feel that I couldn’t even see what I was supposed to be talking about. And the longer the cold honey dripped out of my mouth, my throat started to resist speaking. It starting to close like a flower at sunset, closing up shop. I coughed. And soldiered on.

how is she gonna get out of this one? spoiler alert: she doesn’t!!

When You’re Stuck

What do you do when you’re stuck? Actually, you might not be stuck, you might be full. This story and the following revelation were inspired by 100 coffee dates in 2022 + 2023. Many thanks to the beautiful souls I connected with who were vulnerable enough to share their hopes, struggles, and stories.

How are we so full that we get stuck? That’s weird!