Get ready for some affirmations and unconventional presents for working moms of any cloth. You’ll be surprised – they work for pretty much ANYONE. And you can’t buy them in a store…
A Story
As we went around the discussion circle, it became apparent. Being a working mom in the summer is its own dilemma. Each woman was asked to answer this question:
What would Success look like for you this summer?
“I love spending time with my kids, but…”
“How can I keep up the momentum and stay present for my kids?”
“I am not taking on any new clients.”
“…I know I’ll never get this time back.”
“Because I’m not the primary breadwinner…”
I could see the hope and despair in every woman’s eyes. The joy and exhaustion. The guilt and the longing.
In the midwest, summer can be glorious. And it can be full of competing priorities and values. Enough to flatten any strong hard working mom and send her pleading for Sleigh Bells and Stuffed Schedules.
My turn was coming up; my head was spinning. What to say?
My logical brain started: My kids are self-sufficient. Well, in most ways. But, to be honest, my son is leaving for college soon. (insert sadness) Homelife has been (insert: stressful.) And I’m still trying to figure out what a solid foundation for my business is. (insert worry)
Though the kids are picking their own blended schedules over the summer for the first time, I felt only one answer scream at me.
Does the prospect of practicing gratitude annoy you? Gratitude used to bother the crap outta me, to be honest. A voice in my head was like “so what? it’s not like gratitude puts the food on the table, drives the kids around, or helps me deal with my ex.” Right?
ahhhhh, therein lies the secret sauce of gratitude.
I stared up at the stage, in awe, gratitude, and wonder. TV screens one hundred feet tall flanked the stage, creating live music videos of her performance, as she sang. She sang of jealousy. Of rage. Of abandonment. Of being an outsider. In between songs, she talked of motherhood and how people accuse her of having a secret penis.
At the end of two hours and over fifteen outfit changes, she sang while doing flips in a harness attached to a system that lifted her peter-pan style to the corners of a filled Major League baseball stadium. 🤯
P!nk.
During this performance, in over one hundred degree heat, I danced, massaged my sore legs, drank an inordinate amount of water, and basked in the glow of my wife, shining and radiant. However, If I’d gone to this experience just a few years ago, the key words would have been oppressive, loud, frustrated, painful, and tired.
But a lot has happened inside between then and now. Especially two key words. What are they? Well, answer coming…
So, we call famous people peculiar and eccentric. We think we’re sooooo different. But, maybe outside of the economics, we’re not. Maybe…
We are all weird and eccentric.
The difference? They have fully incorporated and radically accepted (<-THE ANSWER) their strange beautiful. Some people call it their shadow selves. No matter what it’s called, they bring these dark pieces of themselves into the light, for all to see. And we love them for it. Let me rephrase: our strange, sad, raging, queer, misunderstood, hidden peculiar parts feel not as alone. We feel more whole when we see the strangeness up there.
Seeing them gives us hope that we, too, aren’t broken. That we, too, have peculiar genius. That we, too, can love our whole selves into the light.
And the real magic?
These rock stars surround themselves with those who love and support their entire essence, too. They have turned their kryptonite into superpower. And have support doing it. Let me repeat that: The rock stars find people who don’t cut them down for being different. Who help lift them up because of it.
I stood there, closed my eyes, and soaked in the love. Over forty thousand humans, practicing radical love and acceptance and support of one another and the peculiar, eccentric rock star.
I felt kinship to everyone in the stadium, even the Rock Star. Not better, not worse, just awe and love. In my own way, I felt like my own kinda rock star.
And for you, dear beautiful, weird, in-progress, divine soul?
What about you? Do you wake up feeling like a rock star? If not, how are your dark pieces? Are you done with beating yourself up yet about what you need to improve or change? Are you ready to love yourself into the light, so you can enjoy your time on this spinning rock to the fullest? Are you ready to see what radical acceptance can do for you? Are you ready to clear away the busyness, turmoil, and pressures to make more room for Your Joyfully Ever After?
Seriously, what do you want your life to look like? To feel like? Do you have unconditional support + radical acceptance of all of you? Intuition? Resilience? Badass boundaries? Let’s chat to see if I am the right person to walk with you.
How can you refind your ground and joy when thrown into unknown territory?
My heart pounded louder and louder in my chest. I hunched over on the bed, a large friendship bracelet-in-progress pinned to a pillow, knotting and knotting like I was behind quota. Breathing in for four counts, holding for four, and out for eight. Letting the pause after the exhale settle into the stillness of a pond. When my heart didn’t settle, I turned my ears to the outside.
Two unfamiliar noises filtered in through the single window. The first sounded like rain on my window (my favorite!) but was the wind whipping through palm trees. Second, I heard bright, warbling chirps that reminded me I wasn’t in Kansas, er, Illinois.
Hawaii.
Why me? Why now? Why this?
I’m like a fish out of water. Complete Unknown Territory.
These questions shook the shoulders of my sleepy, family-vacation brain. One used to only coming up for air to hand out fresh Twizzlers, help everyone pack a lunch, and put dinner on the table.
It had been a landmark week. Snorkeling with turtles. Kid surfing lessons. Chocolate-covered Macademia nuts. AAA-mazing beach days. Connecting with my kids in the corners of the day.
Yet, sitting on the bed, weaving the bracelet, my heart pounded. I felt the worry lines dig further into my forehead crease. Why these questions?
The night before, my wife and I went to listen to a native Hawaiian storyteller. We learned of the parts the United States and native Hawaii both played in becoming a state. (Neither side of the story is flattering, fyi.) We learned of cultural erosion, the land abuse, and the mental and physical decline in the native Hawaiian community. My highly sensitive soul cried.
With this newborn awareness, I asked, “What can we do?”
And he said two words. Words that seemed like someone gave me a piece of tape to stop a dam from breaking.
“Practice Aloha,” he pleaded. “Use our words so they are not lost.”
Now, you might think Aloha is just hello, but it’s more.
It’s a warm welcome coupled with a recognition of seeing the spirit of another divine soul. Kinda like a combination of a “Howdy, neighbor!” and “namaste.”
A few days later, we came home. My heaviest souvenirs were grief and questions that I see no answer to. I felt as an alien from a different planet. My relationship to my life, our country, this land, my purpose had shifted. At first, I busied myself to avoid the discomfort. After a week or so, I stopped being a broken, sad, complaining record to my wife and faced it. Here’s one tool I used.
Not unlike how I found joy during the pandemic shutdown, I am working on my Self-Leadership skills of Support, Resilience, Emotional Intelligence, taking Responsibility and asserting boundaries. And now I can say that I accept myself, my path towards joy, and my lack of answers with comfortable ferocity. I am, finally, at home in Unknown Territory.
I am stronger and more steadfast in my love and joy because of the discomfort and unknown and am faithful that answers will come in their time.
And that is where I plan to make camp.
Join me?
The Soul-Journer Questions for Unknown Territory
Are you trying to figure out what’s next for you? Are you ready to get at Home in Unknown Territory so you can walk towards the life of your dreams – the life you deserve? Are you ready to lean in and say YES! to more Joy – on your own terms vs. taking care of everyone else and leaving your desires to gather dust in the corners? Then let’s have a heart-centered convo 👇 💕
I stood there, clutching the fake microphone. The words dripped out of my mouth like cold honey. I could not heat them up, no matter how much I tried. All of the energy I had left pooled in my feet, anchoring me down to sleepy depths.
To try to muster some energy, I started pacing, but the lights in the room reflected upon the words on my pages, making me feel that I couldn’t even see what I was supposed to be talking about. And the longer the cold honey dripped out of my mouth, my throat started to resist speaking. It starting to close like a flower at sunset, closing up shop. I coughed. And soldiered on.
What do you do when you’re stuck? Actually, you might not be stuck, you might be full. This story and the following revelation were inspired by 100 coffee dates in 2022 + 2023. Many thanks to the beautiful souls I connected with who were vulnerable enough to share their hopes, struggles, and stories.
A 1988 middle-school story of the beginnings of my journey to faith and love.
My 12-year-old eyes opened to greet the early dark and quiet of my new-to-me house on a Sunday. Teenage-hood had not set in entirely, and my babysitting gig Saturday night thankfully didn’t go much past 10pm as I was waiting for the toddler’s parents to come home.
