Living Guilt Free

I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”

But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.

OMG, IS HEIDI ESTHER’S COMPUTER HAUNTED???

(Poem) You are Lovable, Loving, and Loved

I wrote Lovable, Loving, and Loved for you. For all the beautiful, hard-working, helping, brilliant Yous within. For all the sometimes messy, anxious, infuriated, depressed, over-worked, tired Yous within. May you take time every day to rejoice and replenish the timeless, worthy soul who is you.

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click here to read the poem

Do you like to watch?

Hello, my dear! How are you, and how’s it going this week? We are bracing for a winter storm of sorts, so I made some peach sourdough bread and unearthed the snowblower. How’s the weather your way? Would love to know how you are taking care of yourself.

Just a sweet reminder that I’m thinking of you and I am also embracing my own one-of-a-kindness. And I am understanding my energetic limits and how I need to take care of myself.

The Result? I hope you like to watch because I am sharing my messages via Facebook and Youtube every week. (I’m saving my writing for launching For Cryin’ Out Loud, writing the next book, and help with Peeling Your Onion, in case you were wondering!)

Long story short, you can find all you need on my site!

Go to This page for the most recent YouTube Episode or
Come here for the most recent POD
Check out the Facebook & Apple Podcast links, so you can join or subscribe there if you want!

Oh! Before I forget, I have a couple conversations coming up with some very interesting folks, plus a live storytelling (TODAY ON Facebook/Youtube), and Live with Heidi and Heather is coming back on February 16.

Sending you love, light, and laughter,

Heidi Esther

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but…

listen on the pod

Hello my joyful, beautiful friend! How are you? And how are you taking care of yourself this season? I’m so CURIOUS to know…

Because, my beautiful friend, there are so many fruitful things that come out of a habit of curiosity. Being open to new ideas. Putting on your courageous panties and walking forward. Or taking care of your needs in new ways. Allowing all the parts of you to be. (Even those you are, like, “why me, God?”)

So, my dear, my wish for you. May you embrace curiosity as a way to shine the light on all parts of your beautiful, evolving, messy, limitless, sometimes-troubled, sometimes-doubting, soul. And may you allow all your gifts to have a home in your heart. No. Matter. What.

And if you would like to hear more about curiosity…

click here to listen to go directly my curiosity convo with valeria

SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger

Welcome to SuperStep 5: Getting Stronger! Here is more info for you on the Everyday Superhero Method. Squashy story is right below! ⬇️

listen to this

Who will win: Heidi or the Squash?

The warm, autumn afternoon sunshine beamed down on our living room dog bed. Which was repositioned for the third time that day in its journey to stay with the sun. Olive, my Chiweenie, lay over the side with her front paws in prayer position, holding her orange chewy bone.

don’t pets have the best lives? IKR! read on curious soul >>>

Live with Heidi and Heather: Episode 003

Is Happiness a Red Herring?

Join Heidi Esther and Heather Kokx as they delve into the dark corners of…the ever-elusive Happiness in Episode 003 Happiness.

listen to this

https://youtu.be/Lbrkb73htME

Or watch on You tube

The SoulJourner QUESTion

Calling in my Winnie Exercise

In the Tao of Pooh, author Benjamin Hoff breaks each A.A. Milne character down into their core way of being. For Winnie the Pooh, he is the epitome of Taoism: he allows life, he lives in present, he is calm and joyful. For all the other characters, they have an overage of something that prevents them from fully enjoying life. If they could only see! (Here’s a slideshow if you want more info on the characters.)

After this exercise, you’ll be able to see when you’re a little off and Calling in Your Winnie. Embracing the values of Winnie the Pooh will help you find your inner Zen master, literally! More peace. More happiness. More flow. Boom, baby!

First, please note that it’s totally OKAY to have a favorite character who is NOT Winnie the Pooh! They are all adorable, beautiful, loyal friends.

STEP 1: Pause

When you’re feeling crappy or not enjoying all that life has for you, take a break. Take care of yourself. When you’re ready…

STEP 2: Forgiveness

Remind yourself:

I am Enough.
I am a human-in-progress.
As such, you will go through all the feelings of all the characters (because you are human)! The key is to just not stay stuck in the unhelpful ones. 🙂

STEP 3: Congratulate

Take 30 seconds, a couple deep breaths, and try and cultivate some feelings of Pride. Be proud of yourself (maybe give yourself a bear hug!) for taking time to listen to and

STEP 4: Identify

What character most resembles how you are feeling right now?

Eeyore frets. He assumes the worst and isolates himself. He keeps his head and expectations lower than low.

Piglet hesitates and, as a result, fears for the future. Even if that’s walking under a tree! He second-guesses himself. He leans on Winnie to be brave and to take action.

Owl Pontificates. He gathers much but does not act on it. He waits to see others to share his knowledge, whether he is invited or not.

Rabbit calculates. Man, I used to totally identify with this workaholic-plan-for-everything bunny. With so much going on in Rabbit’s brain, however, there’s no room to enjoy anything. And he often overthinks things and overcomplicates situations.

Tigger is like a lightening bolt. He has energy for everything, but he does not take a break to focus it. Or think about his future. Thus, he gets caught in trees and other sticky situations.

STEP 5: Be honest.

Journal or talk with a trusted friend about what inner character(s) could be getting in your way. Yes, you can have more than one. Process what character(s) you are resonating with. What thoughts have you had or actions are you taking that are….

Eeyore: Isolating you from taking care of yourself, seeing friends/family more often, or avoiding other responsibilities? Common symptoms of this are depression, hopelessness, I-give-up-ness, excessive-hermit-syndrome.
Piglet: Preventing you from taking steps forward towards your next goal or dream? A first date? Applying for that job? Common symptoms are worry/anxiety that keeps you from enjoying things you normally like to do (like sleeping or eating, or Pac Man). Or catching yourself saying “I’m afraid that…” or “I worry that…”
Owl: Amassing knowledge BUT not putting it into practice or using it to help others? Common symptoms are perfectionism, always trying to teach people things you know they don’t wanna hear, interrupting others to make sure they know the right answer, impostor syndrome.
Rabbit: Focusing your energies on the Doing and Planning instead of the Feeling and Enjoying of life? Common symptoms of this are being a woman, burnout, overwhelm, exhaustion, feeling like you have to be doing something or you feel guilty, always preparing for life but feeling like you’re missing it.
Tigger: Enjoying many things and pursuits, but not pausing to listen to yourself on what to focus on for the future or what feels right for you? Common symptoms of this are rollercoaster emotions, The No-Purpose-Zone, The Squirrel-Syndrome, and Exhaustion.

STEP 6: Calling in your Winnie

Now that you’ve brought the light of awareness to what might be keeping you from living a more joyful and authentic life, here are the next steps to Call in your Winnie based on how you answered the above.

For all characters:
1. Self-compassion: Make an effort to meet yourself every morning with this question: how can I take care of myself best today? And, NO excuses, follow through on what you need! You matter.
2. Claim your Freedom: Can you forgive and let go? Can you learn your lesson and then let it go? Can you be grateful for the opportunity and then let it go? If not, write out what is keeping you stuck and write out PROS and CONS of holding onto this (feeling/person/situation). Be sure you add in Personal Freedom into the PROS column.
Eeyore: Make time for play. Be brave and try something out of your comfort zone. Call a friend and hangout. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy. I am loved.
Piglet: Make a plan. Write down your next important goal. Visualize yourself accomplishing that goal every day. Feel how you will feel when you get there. Find an accountability buddy. Then, take a baby step every day to get there. What is your first step? Adopt a mantra like: I am brave. I can do this.
Owl: Make a list of your knowledge, skills, and gifts. On the next page, write down ways that feel good to you to use those in the world. Then, do something! ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I use my gifts to help others. I am kind.
Rabbit: Build non-doing into your life. Take a walk, smell the hot chocolate, pet your dog. Meditate. Watch clouds. Enjoy being YOU. Practice Boundaries. Let go of the responsibilities that are the shoulds. Keep those that bring you joy. Ask for help. ALSO, try the Eeyore exercise. Adopt a mantra like: I am worthy because I am, or I treat myself as a friend.
Tigger: Build breathing room into your life. Look at your fun and goals and prioritize them. Can you focus on your top few goals and say NO to some others? Adopt a mantra like: I make a difference or I create balance in my life.

Once you take a few simple steps, you’ll soon be Calling in your Winnie! 🧸😌

Practicing: The Opposite of Perfectionism

Because, honey, you ain’t gonna be honest with yourself until you stop believing the lies. And you definitely won’t put the whip down until you realize it’s in your hand.

Keywords: self-awareness, emotional intelligence self-awareness, the opposite of perfectionism, case study emotional intelligence

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In the kitchen of my post-divorce duplex, I turn the page of my National Parks wall calendar. A picture of a buffalo on a snow-dusted prairie meets my gaze. My heart pounds and a knot forms in my lower back.

Only three months until migraine-season. Oh, sorry, I mean Christmas. Let me rephrase: Perfect Christmas.

“Ugggggh,” I audibly sigh.

I sit down at the kitchen table like an old lady. What am I going to do about Christmas? I want it to be PERFECT. I work full time. My ex spews hate at me. My nannies are unreliable. I don’t even have extra money to overcompensate for less homemade stuff. I’m exhausted.

I stare at the buffalo.

Okay, maybe this is an Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness moment. I relax all the ways I imagine I’m making my veins popping out and breathe into the knot in my lower back.

Treat yourself as a friend echos in my mind. In a friendly deep tone, like the calendar buffalo said it.

In reality, somebody said that in a Codependents Anonymous meeting. What does that mean? First, think about what you’re doing and saying to yourself. Second, step to the side of all that mind chatter and ask yourself “how would a friend respond to what I said?” Then do that. The goal is to learn to treat myself as a friend.

What would a friend say to my Christmas dilemma?

I have to do less so I don’t get migraines? Or I need to figure out how to not hate the last third of every year? Or that Perfect Christmas is impossible, and she would hand me a drink? What is the Opposite of Perfectionism, anyway?

You can practice being your own friend, that friendly-Buffalo voice chimes back in in my head. Hmmm, practice. That’s an interesting word.

I get a sharpie and make a little word bubble on the calendar. I step back and look at Mr. Buffalo speaking his wisdom, “Practice Being my own friend.” I underline the word Practice and smile a broad smile. My inner perfectionist eases the knot in my back a little more. Maybe Practice has something to do with the opposite of perfectionism.

Over the next few Christmases, I Practice being my own friend around Christmas. Guess what happens?

I have significantly reduced migraines
I carve time for my own Christmas Celebrations -filled with silence, writing, and prayer instead of Go-Go-Go
I prioritize connection and done over perfect. I experience the Opposite of Perfectionis!

The Opposite of Perfectionism

Judgement (read: Criticism, Perfectionism, Worry) is like a whip. We’re wired to conserve energy – so we avoid suffering, accept the whip, and unconsciously stay within learned thinking patterns. The result?

The whipping continues and we don’t suffer, because our brains are comfortable with it – and its wounds. We normalize our pain.

When we realize the whip is in our hand, we have a choice.

One sure-fire way to move past this is to adopt a fail-forward internal culture, or the culture of Practicing. It’s time we practice being our own friends first. This is the opposite of perfectionism.

Because, honestly, what’s the point of freedom if we’re jailed?
Heidi Esther

The Question

Your Emotional Intelligence Self-Awareness Builder: Next time you are in a critical, perfectionistic, or worry-spiral, pause and ask yourself these questions: “What am I practicing here? What might a good friend say if I told them my challenge?“

Below are two ways to help you build Practicing + a Fail-Forward Internal Culture.