Keywords: 500 things to be grateful for, be obsessively grateful, deeply grateful, everyday grateful

I was at a big grocery store, mid-November. I pushed a full cart while walking down the food aisles with my little ones.

My daughter, two years old with a pink fleece hat, her wispy blonde hair already static-clinged to it, was happily munching on some blueberries with a blanket and her winter coat tucked around her. The corners of my mouth turned up as I licked my fingers and tried to put some back into place.

My three year old son’s hands were on the cart handle and his feet were on the bottom of the full-size shopping cart, ready to pick up cans of soup from the shelves or find the perfect ripe bunch of bananas.

I read a sign next to the frozen turkeys: Welcome to Gratitude month! Share your gratitude around the table.

I stopped my cart.

In my cart, I had a cornucopia of bountiful food. My kids were healthy, helpful, and kind. My husband makes an abundance; we have everything we could possibly need.

I felt I should be grateful, but I wasn’t. My head started chiming in.

What is wrong with me? Am I entitled? Am I part of the problem? I write thank you notes to people for everything, for Pete’s sake!! It’s, literally, part of my job as a fundraiser. I’m sure I’m grateful for something in this moment.

“Mommy, what do we need?” my son chimed in. I looked at his sweet face then back down at my list.

“A break from all this!” I said out loud, then cupped my hand over my mouth. My face turned red and a pit formed in my stomach. My head started up again. With the errands, the baking, the preschool coop duties, the looming holiday checklist flooded in.

“Silly mommy, yes let’s finish up to get a break from shopping and then we can get you home for some fun rest time!” I exclaimed and restarted our journey.

Why we feel we should be obsessively grateful, deeply grateful, everyday grateful, when we’re not

MOST IMPORTANT TAKEAWAY ALERT! Not feeling genuinely grateful does not make you a bad or entitled or ungrateful person.

What does it really mean? Here is what’s going on underneath: When we can’t access gratitude, it does not mean it’s not there. It means something else is there that needs expression first.

Simply put, when you fake being grateful, you are invalidating other emotions or needs that have to be addressed first. Think about it like firmly standing on pile of clothes you are trying to put on. (with gratitude at the bottom) Hard, right?

– Heidi Esther, Joyologist

That’s what you’re doing to your emotions – yes, including gratitude!

First: Don’t feel like you need to force gratitude. Forced gratitude is in the category of “toxic positivity”. While it might smooth over some things on the outside, on the inside you are creating a greater divide between who you are to yourself and who you are on the outside. If you feel like being grateful would be like wearing a mask, this is why.

A Simple Way to Explain the Relationship

Healthy emotional expression clears your emotional room.
Gratitude decorates it.

If you decorate without clearing, it feels forced.
If you clear without decorating, it feels empty.
You need both for emotional wellbeing and balance.

5 Reasons you might not be able to authentically feel everyday gratitude

• Your body is in survival / manager / fixer / problem solver mode. You are living in fight/flight/freeze. As a result, your brain prioritizes danger scanning.
• You have an unprocessed emotion(s) taking up space. When you’re unaware of your other emotions, gratitude gets repressed as well. You might have an elephant in the room that is taking up a LOT of space.
• You’re in burnout or emotional exhaustion. When the emotional load and workload are high, there’s no room to process and get to gratitude. (This is the primary state I was in at in the grocery store)
• You unconsciously invalidate. You might rationalize or justify pieces of your life you need to validate to see (Also, I was here – I was constantly invalidating my thoughts as “silly” or “stupid”.)

How can you open up to feel deeply grateful, even obsessively grateful? Emotional Expression, baby

Here are three steps to becoming the. most grateful version of yourself.

Emotional Intelligence Growth Step 1: Feed yourself

Before you can identify and process any feelings, here’s a question. Do you identify as someone who is in constant problem solver mode or trending towards burnout? Then it’s time to work with a coach or mindfulness professional to help you create a routine that gives you energy vs just takes it.

Know that you are worth feeling good, every day.

There are many wellness professionals, therapists and coaches. I am a Certified Mindfulness Based Stress Practicioner and you can book a Clarity Call with me at https://HeidiEsther.com/calendar/#coffee

STEP 1 SUMMARY: Take care of your body to move it towards gaining energy through an inner care and physical care routine.

Emotional Intelligence Growth Step 2: Self-Awareness of Repression

In Emotional Intelligence, getting to gratitude calls upon two pillars: self-awareness and self-regulation. Often, we do not let ourselves feel certain emotions (because we have been socialized to be perceived as “that kind” of a person.)

But, guess what? When it comes to emotions, All of Us are “that kind” of person. Emotions are one of the things that we all share, that make us uniquely human.

However, in service to safety, a persona, a set of family values, or a commitment to overwork, we may have learned that certain emotions were neither necessary or allowed. And then we learn to do something that slowly makes us lead less authentic and joyful lives.

We learn to repress our emotions. Our emotional regulation goes to the extreme: we become emotionally numb. We live in emotional deserts.

To get to gratitude, it’s critical to understand how you bypass your feelings. To understand how you Distract yourself.

Can’t stress it enough: Self-awareness is key! A good place to start to is how you react to stress and how your parents or caregivers managed difficulties. Maybe we rationalize them away. Maybe we become ticking-time bombs. Maybe we watch cute kitten videos. Maybe we obsessively organize closets or drink Diet Coke. Maybe we get overly involved in other peoples’ problems. Maybe we turn into a human productivity machine.

STEP 2 SUMMARY: Understand how you are repressing your feelings. Practice stopping yourself and acknowledging them before you repress them.

Emotional Intelligence Growth Step 3: Process through the Emotional Ladder

(Which is exactly why you can’t tell someone who is depressed to cheer up, because on the way to “cheerful” the depressed person needs to go through anger, jealousy, overwhelm, and boredom)

If you’d like a sheet to help you process emotions, you can download them in the Emotional Management Folder in the Phoenix Vault

PRO TIP: When we feel we should be grateful, we are adding another emotion to process: Shame. When we “should” all over ourselves, this is us punishing ourselves. So, remember to bring out some self-compassion when processing that one – and all emotions! <<HUG>>

STEP 3 SUMMARY: Process your humanity (feelings.)

5 life benefits of Emotional Expression

1. Reduces stress and overwhelm Letting emotions move through your body lowers physical tension, reduces anxiety, and prevents emotional “build-up” that leads to snapping, shutdown, or burnout.

2. Improves clarity and decision-making When you acknowledge your feelings, your nervous system calms and your prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of your brain) comes back online.

3. Strengthens emotional resilience Regularly naming and processing emotions teaches your brain that feelings aren’t dangerous, making it easier to navigate future stress.

4. Builds self-awareness and internal trust You learn what your emotions are trying to tell you — needs, boundaries, desires — and you trust yourself more deeply.

5. Improves relationships When you understand and regulate your own emotions, communication becomes clearer, conflicts soften, and empathy grows.

4 Physical benefits of Emotional expression

1. Reduces sympathetic activation: Lowers stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline) and helps the body shift out of fight/flight/freeze.
2. Regulates the nervous system: Activates the parasympathetic system, slowing heart rate, relaxing muscles, and improving digestion.
3. Improves emotional processing in the brain. Naming feelings reduces amygdala activation and increases prefrontal cortex functioning (clarity, logic, decision-making).
4. Prevents physical tension buildup: Lower risk of headaches, chronic tension, gut issues, and stress-related inflammation.

And here’s a helpful article about Processing Emotions

Emotional Expression or Gratitude?

Okay, so can you just do gratitude? Or just feel emotions without gratitude? Yes, however…

Emotional Expression Without Gratitude

• You may feel cleared out but empty — like you processed the hard stuff but didn’t refill.
• Mood may stay “neutral” or slightly heavy.
• You risk reinforcing a belief that life is mostly hard or overwhelming.

Result: You feel honest… but not hopeful.

Gratitude Without Emotional Expression

(This is very common in overwhelmed moms, high achievers, and people pleasers.)

• Gratitude stays as an emotional cover instead of a joy-bringer.
• Emotions don’t get processed and start to stack up. This can cause irritability, numbness, resentment, exhaustion.
• You feel like you’re wearing a mask and forcing it.

Result: You feel fake or inauthentic.

Getting to Deeply Grateful: 500 things to be grateful for

While the emotional ladder only has a couple dozen emotions, did you know that we are capable of feeling up to 34,000 different feelings!?!

So, let’s start with feelings: that’s 700 x 500 things to be grateful for!

Ready to leave “shoulds” behind and start feeling gratitude? Download my Gratitude Calendars in the Phoenix Vault in the Confidence and Brilliance Folder today!

Are you a generous helper who is navigating stress, worry, doubt, or indecision and is ready to live a life of Confident Joy and live Everyday Gratitude?

Book a 30 minute clarity call and I can help you see what’s in your way of you becoming someone who is deeply grateful for everything – for real!

Keywords: Anxious mom, Emotional Intelligence Coaching, second guess myself, power to make decisions. Are you ready to know and grow yourself better through emotional wellbeing? Let’s lean in 🙂

Why am I second guessing myself? Does that sound familiar? Today I’ll share a story around one Simple Tool for Anxious Moms and Overwhelmed Professionals Who Want the Power to Make Decisions with Confidence, powered by Emotional Intelligence Coaching.

Whether you’re an exhausted professional or anxious mom who feels pulled in ten directions — from project deadlines to family needs — it’s no wonder that decision-making can feel impossible sometimes. 

You might replay conversations, worry about disappointing people, or second guess yourself even after you’ve made a choice.

The truth is, the more stress you’re under, the more your emotional brain takes the driver’s seat — which means both logic and intuition get drowned out.

That’s where emotional intelligence coaching and one simple, overlooked strategy (below) can be a game changer. They help you slow down and build the clarity to make decisions that are aligned with you — not just your stress.

ready for some quick clarity? Read on, fearless soul!

Keywords: exhausted mom quotes, mom burnout quotes, self care is self love, self care and self love, self care vs self love, care plan for self care deficit

Sometimes, I feel like butter scraped over too much bread.

When I pause and feel there’s not enough of me to go around, It’s time. Time to practice a care plan for self care deficit.

Does a self care plan sound like commitment or too much work? Then read this!

• FAST: Each item takes less than 5 minutes. And can be done waiting to pick up your kid, in the shower, drinking coffee.
• EASY: Give yourself permission to Practice your care plan. This gives you the flexibility to change it, try it, love it, or leave it.
• CHALLENGE: I challenge you to find one thing on the bottom handout that you can do to start practicing self care over the next four weeks.

Self Care and Self Love

Think self care is selfish? Then these tips will remind you that it isn’t. It’s necessary to not be running around on the brink of burnout all the time. They are designed to bring you a snippet of joy and peace to your heart – anytime.

You are worthy of Joy.

You are worthy of Peace.

I invite you to ask yourself this question after each tip: is this some thing I can easily incorporate into my overfilled day? If so, then I invite you to try it!

Are Self Care and Self Love made up?

I used to think self care and self love were bullshit. Made up by “some people” who weren’t logical in nature. Read: math and science brains. Note: I have an engineering degree.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Self care and self love are the inner practice of what we first learn to do on the outside – for others. But a lot of us learned to receive and give love conditionally. For example…

“I’ll be happy when…”

“If you loved me, you’d…”

I learned to earn praise and recognition by cleaning the house, losing weight, and getting perfect grades. Note: I am a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser. By learning to give and receive love conditionally, we learn the same thing for ourselves.

With conditional love, we become our own worst enemy. And then believe self care and self love are bullshit.

Self Care vs Self Love

Next, you might ask yourself. What’s the difference between self care and self love anyway? Are they at odds? Can you have one without the other?

Can you have light without the sun? Nope.

Self Care is the fuel of Self Love. By practicing self care – however small – you are practicing self love. This is because of something so small we take for granted.

What is the thing you most need to invest in abundance to fall in love with someone?

Time.

You are worthy of your own time.

Giving yourself time to get to know, befriend, care for, play with, and find joy with yourself starts with self care and ends with becoming the love of your life. – Heidi Esther, Joyologist

The Truth: Self Care is Self Love

Truth: You’ll never feel self love if you are listening to your inner critic. If you listen to your critic, you will only be happy “when” you or others are and do what you expect them to. Read: You’ll only love yourself sometimes.

Spoiler alert: WE HUMANS are HORRIBLE predictors of the future.*

Is it time to eradicate the if and when and learn to accept our messy, broken, healing, weird brilliant selves right now. Because why?

You, my dear, are already perfect in your own way. Resilient in your own wholeness.

Just like a tree that might have been splintered in half still stands, blooms, seeds, and spreads her branches to the light, you are brilliantly beautiful and whole in your own way.

It’s time for you to see your light.

When we ignore out needs for others, we give permission for others to ignore themselves. When we learn to love ourselves unconditionally, we give permission for everyone else to do the same.

TL;DR You are worth your own time. Today, and every day.

7 joyfully quick Tips to Create a Care Plan for Self Care Deficit

Want a HIGH RES PDF of this? Scroll Below the image.

IN LINKED IN VAULT FOLDER: Stress + Mindfulness

Heidi Esther’s Linked In EQ Vault

Cut to the chase: Subscribe for instant access to Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Resources so you and your organization can become more productive, engaged, and successful.

Get Access to The EQ Vault

Hello beautiful! We won’t send you spam, Girl Scouts Promise! Unsubscribe any time.

Built with Kit

• 10 Things Humans Are Weirdly Bad at Predicting, Hamza Ali https://listverse.com/2025/05/06/10-things-humans-are-weirdly-bad-at-predicting/

Who am I?

Hello beautiful! Lovely to meet you!

TL:DR Self Care is Self Love. Self Care Creates Self Love

And you are worthy of Love.

What can you do when life hands you a snowball of challenges and all hope seems lost? Read the story or Click here to learn directly about which of the 5 Lies you might be living.

I sat at the kitchen table, staring at my screen in disbelief. My fingers froze above the keys. I couldn’t exhale.

3, 473

There were 3,473 transactions in my online store in three days. The first three days I took off in months.

I had my store set up to notify me of any transactions. Every one of them had slipped by like a swarm of bees, just waltzing in my front door.

I clicked in my store. Just over a hundred were successful. And they were all under the same name.

I pulled back from the table. Negative money thoughts swarming around in my head, stinging me. Money thoughts I’ve been working on for a couple of years now. To rid myself of a tsunami of unhelpful core beliefs I’ve ingested along my journey. About women and money. Creatives and money. Entrepreneurs and money.

I cried. And took deep belly breaths. Then walked. Looked at the tree tops to remind myself that the Universe is abundant even when the life stings. And then sat down with my top support member of my business – my unphased wife – and researched.

Card attacks. When online stores don’t have premium fraud protection tools set up, like Google’s recaptcha, they fall victim to people trying out stolen cards.*

One week later.

I sat next to my daughter, staring at my phone, wondering what was the best set up to take action shots of my son.

It’s his Senior Year. Captain of the Soccer Team. It’s the cross-town rivalry game. He’s gonna ask his girlfriend to Homecoming after the game – posterboard, flowers, and all. He just got his braces off. He’s sooo shiny.

The game stopped.

I looked up, wondering what’s going on. The group of alpha-soccer moms starts yelling at me, pointing to the field.

I look to see where my son is. He’s not laying dismembered on the field. Well, that’s good. I then see him, on his knees, next to his soccer bench, arms in the air.

“Hey Jonathan’s mom! I think your son just got his teeth knocked out!” yelled one.

I looked closer, and could see people looking at the field, like people would look for a lost earring. Wait. What? Did they say teeth – plural?

Six hours later, it is almost 1am. I open the front door for my codine-laden son. His two front teeth reinserted and stabilized with braces – again.

But we won’t know for weeks if he will keep them.

I don’t sleep, jolting into action every time I hear a noise.

I take off more work – to take care of my son, my sleep. My sanity.

One week later

I have upgraded the security in my online store. Refunded all but 17 transactions in my account. I will lose a few hundred dollars. Could have been financial ruin. I am abundantly grateful.

I worked through my grief and hopes over my son’s senior year. The image of myself that was entangled with it. Replaced it with looser and healthier thoughts. Kinda like getting rid of a tattoo and replacing it with a Post-It note.

My son is disappointed but not crushed. Or he’s repressing. Either way, I let him know I’m here for him when he gets sad.

I lean fully back into my work. Everything seems either pointless or infuriating. I’m not looking forward to my days; feeling my work doesn’t matter. I share my story; I connect; get amazing feedback. But noone is taking action.

I make myself take smaller steps, even though it feels I’m stuck in tar.

One week later

I am laying down on a cushioned massage table, in the center of a small room with dark wooden furniture. Rocking Chairs, end table, dresser, vanity. Kinda like if a collegiate art student was staying at Grandma’s house.

I am helping a new friend get her certification in Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy. Think energy healing meets past and future life visualizations.

Though I don’t know if it will help, I remain open and curious. I tell my wife all the time. “If you stomp into a forest yelling that there are no animals there, you will be proven right. But if you walk in quiet and listen, you don’t know what will happen.”

I learn I have some male Lion energy in me. I feel I have been displaced many times, and yet I thrive.

For some reason, this takes all the energy I have left. I am exhausted.

I give myself permission to sleep in; I sit under trees. I still get up to take tiny steps forward. Three days later, a large roar in my head wakes me up in the morning.

Enough is enough.

Resounds in my brain. A large flow of energy – anger – bubbles up from the inside, like I’m a volcano erupting.

Your Joyfully Ever After

I sit down with my morning coffee. I draw a circle on a piece of paper, and section it off in wedges. The circle in the middle is where I am at.

I separate myself from my situation, like I’m an observer.

I walk myself around to different perspectives of my situation. Every perspective has a title. “Puddle Momma” is one “Jealous Wife” is another. It’s a tool in Co-Active Coaching that I love. I call is Surveying. Embodying different perspectives of the same situation to process it.

I combine it with The Emotional Scale – an Emotional Intelligence tool – to rate the feeling where each title is at.

I go from Hopeless Puddle-Momma to Compassionate Co-pilot in one sitting. I pick an affirmation to embody the Co-Pilot. “I give myself grace.” I have agreed to lay down the Judgement and Listen like Switzerland to what is really going on.

I continue to stay open. Enjoy each day. My steps get lighter. I open myself to other healing tools – tapping, Gratitude, breathwork, friends.

I can feel the sun on my face again, no longer resentful for its heat.

The Lies

Just as I create joy amidst challenge, I walk alongside Women who Take Care of the World to empower them to find their authentic footing and create Their very own Joy – amidst the stress and struggle of modern day life.

If you are ready to ditch the crap feelings and create more joy – book a chat with me here.

Want a DIY solution? See the 5 LIES that might be keeping you from living your most joyful life – download the Lies + Truth here.

• I don’t have books for sale any more on my website…AND you can still purchase it on Amazon!

Hello, amazing human! So, here’s what’s coming up! I’m super excited to be speaking at the Midlife Makeover Festival – a unique FREE online conference for women who want to cruise through midlife feeling stronger, confident, and fulfilled!

And, my beautiful friend, you’re invited!

click to get the deets!