Agreement 1: Can you Be Impeccable with your Word?

I came back to work early. Then, I heard my name, loud and clear, from the other side of the door. My manager’s door.

Welcome to the SoulSanity Four Agreements Series! These stories show how I, Heidi Esther, work on adopting the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, I welcome you to the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

A quiet office

I stepped into my shared office. My post-lunch belly as happy as a dolphin. The afternoon sun glowing through the mini-blinds.

While it’s nothing fancy, I like my non-profit office. Two uncluttered desks surrounded by filing cabinets, and a clean floor as often as we vacuum. 

The office lights were off. My officemate was behind the door, a few feet from my desk. That’s right, today is her review. Like a ninja, I put away my afternoon chocolate and drew my chair.

And that’s when it happened.

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Yea, and Heidi…”

it never feels good when people talk about you behind your back…. read more here!

When one door is barred off…

I can’t go anywhere without my pillow, which, to be honest, can be replaced by one towel.

I sat there, in a looks-like-Voldemort’s-Ministry-of-Magic-Boardroom. The third story of a law office in our midwestern downtown. My cold, clammy hands clutched a legal agreement. I looked up from the papers to the outside.

but what does the paper say??? read on, valiant soul!

Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

Two days later, in the early morning.

Barbara (shuffling in the kitchen with a long face): Mom, Batgirl is shaking again.

She hugs my robed-self tightly from the side. I wrap my arms around her. 

Me: People also get like this, at the end, too. It’s just that we give them medicine. 

Barbara: It’s not fair. 

Yes, it might be time for a kleenex. Read on, sweet animal-loving soul!

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball

Wow. I’ve never seen her hold anything with so much care. 

Me: You’re like a hamster-whisperer.

Barbara: LOL, Mom.

Hamster Series 1/2: Big Mamma Love for a Little Fur Ball Hamster Series 2/2: Welcome to the World’s Toughest Hamster

A Texted Conversation from the Humane Society

Barbara (My 11-year-old daughter): OMG Mom! Is that a hamster? 

Me: Yep! What do you think? He just came in. 

Barbara: He is super cute! And not like Herman. 

Me: Do you mean because he’s a different color?

Barbara: Yes, and he’s so small. 

Me: No, it’s just the black fur, he’s another Siberian hamster. We’ll still have to use the rat cage. 

Barbara: LOL, OK 😀

loving this hammy? what will happen next? Read on!

A Pocket of Sanity for the New Year!

How is 2021 going to be better? With a Pocket Full of Sanity, of course. by Heidi Esther

How is 2021 Gonna Be Better?

The year stretches gloriously ahead, beckoning you to think about what to make of 2021. Like a stretch of untouched snow begging you to romp and sled and make snow angels.

Oh! I just love fresh snow. I wonder what heidi esther got for me this time!

Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

Country Club Series 1/2: It’s the Most Aunt-Flo-der-ful, Country Club Series 2/2: Aunt Flo Strikes Back

After one beer and 14 hours of work

I’m sure it’s sweat. It’s after dark and still in the 90s. 

I scan the landscape. For the darkest path. In case Aunt Flo decided not to leave. Bee-atch.

Okay, can’t walk-run to my car. My purse is in the office. Breathe. My next steps:

  1. Cross the Welcome station
  2. Walk ½ way up the Circle Drive 
  3. Get past the Valet-guarded doors
  4. Dodge outcoming bathroom crowd
  5. Walk 20 feet into a No-Escaping-Notice office 

I’m sure I’m fine.

is she fine? OMG, I can’t even watch. Why didn’t she double up, dear god, why???

Thanksgiving Grace, and crying

Woken Grace, 2020

Dear God, Earth Mother, The Universe, Higher Power, or whatever you believe in,

We are, though we may not always show it, grateful for all you give us. For all you bless us to live with and love. For all you give us to eat that nourishes our souls, today and forward. Thank you.

Today is Thanksgiving.

I woke, laden and remorseful. For the immense suffering that it took to make my plate possible:

how long is this grace? about 4 min 🙂 read on, woken soul!

Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing, with love

Honestly, I just thought play meant sanitizing and rotating the kids’ toys. And you don’t care that I shave my toe knuckles or …

Engagement Series 1/3: How Can I Love You? Engagement Series 2/3: The Return of the Ring Engagement Series 3/3: Sponge Bathing, with love

6 Months after Proposal, duffle bag on the floor

Me: I’m sorry. You know I love you, right?

Stacey (wiping tears): It doesn’t feel like it. 

Allllright, what did Heidi do now? And what does that have to do with sponge baths? read on!

Are you there, dear son? It’s me, mommy.

Should I just give up?

I knew I already lost the battle. 

Jonathan (apathetically, on the phone): I know, Mom.

Really? Does he know that his “streak” of 11, 13, and 14-hour days of screen time is making him dumber? And the other days at his Dad’s were equally impressive or horrifying (depending on how you look at it): 8, 9, and 12 hours.

Seriously, what does he do all that wetime online? and how can his mom even compete? Read ON!

you can’t make me go back in there!

Divorced Scaredy Cat

I stood with sinking legs, at the threshold of my ex’s new house. Inside was silent and cave-dark against the light from the doorway. His large figure, daunting, challenging, between me and the sun.

I wanted a hoodie. I needed a bathroom. I desperately wanted to compliment him. My kids, 6 and 7, were still inside, looking for guidance. My tongue was stuck; lead feet ensued.

Geeeeeze, people, stop getting ahead of yourselves! This is not a story about violence. But when my ex gets angry, it’s like his eyes sink into his head and turn all black – like the black-oil people who get infected with the alien virus in X-Files. Get what I’m sayin?

Pre-divorce, my immediate response to his anger was either:

What do you do when you’re scared? read on and respond at the end!
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