Author: Heidi Esther

Swimmer, cheerleader from the South Side. Three bros, mom and dad Can bait my own hook. Civil Engineer- turned-fundraiser. Mamma of two lights Everyday blessed. Divorce, job loss, plus codependence, Woman- loving-woman awakening. Boundaries, Forgiveness, Patience, & Grace. Today, Tomorrow, New chances for life.

How about some stickers and spaghetti?

Hello, beautiful soul! I hope you are well and carving out some time to get curious about how to take care of your brilliant heart these days. A lot is going on. Maybe it’s because it’s winter and the lack of green things makes me more apt to just work all the time. 🤔 Or sleep. No matter the season, don’t forget you have a big heart and light to nurture and grow.

I hope you liked the poem this week! I was thinking of you and all you do. And then I was thinking about all the different versions of ourselves that we grow into and out of in our lives because of that doing and being.

I used to joke to Stacey that, after a difficult period, like depression or when I realized I didn’t take things personally anymore, I would level up a half number. OR when Elvis let me pet him for the first time, I leveled up a whole number! I think I lost count at Heidi 15.0. 😉

And you know what helped me level up faster? Well, yes, stickers and spaghetti (my #1 comfort food!) definitely helped. But CURIOSITY. When I wasn’t beating myself up about my life, curiosity was a game-changer. That’s why I think it’s a part of building a resilient mindset. Want to know more? Watch the below!

OKAY, back to spaghetti and stickers! Everyone on the book launch ☀️ Team Sunshine ☀️gets cool stickers and an invite to a Virtual launch party and a Spaghetti Potluck. Go to heidiesther.com/sunshine to sign up and learn more today. OR watch the below!

Anyway, wishing you abundant space and to nurture and grow and feed and get curious about the beautiful soul who is you.

with love, light, and laughter,

Heidi Esther

Watch this week: Learn about Curiosity!

This week: The book launch!

(Poem) You are Lovable, Loving, and Loved

I wrote Lovable, Loving, and Loved for you. For all the beautiful, hard-working, helping, brilliant Yous within. For all the sometimes messy, anxious, infuriated, depressed, over-worked, tired Yous within. May you take time every day to rejoice and replenish the timeless, worthy soul who is you.

click to listen
click here to read the poem

What to do with your anger. Ice Skate?

Hello, virtual neighbor! What’s happening your way these days? How are you taking care of your big, beautiful heart? The past five days, I’ve been home with my family because of a snow storm. So, you guessed it, I had to break out the doorknockers.

oh no…i bet this isn’t good…

Do you like to watch?

Hello, my dear! How are you, and how’s it going this week? We are bracing for a winter storm of sorts, so I made some peach sourdough bread and unearthed the snowblower. How’s the weather your way? Would love to know how you are taking care of yourself.

Just a sweet reminder that I’m thinking of you and I am also embracing my own one-of-a-kindness. And I am understanding my energetic limits and how I need to take care of myself.

The Result? I hope you like to watch because I am sharing my messages via Facebook and Youtube every week. (I’m saving my writing for launching For Cryin’ Out Loud, writing the next book, and help with Peeling Your Onion, in case you were wondering!)

Long story short, you can find all you need on my site!

Oh! Before I forget, I have a couple conversations coming up with some very interesting folks, plus a live storytelling (TODAY ON Facebook/Youtube), and Live with Heidi and Heather is coming back on February 16.

Sending you love, light, and laughter,

Heidi Esther

What if you had No More Guilt?

Hello beautiful! How are you, and how are you taking care of yourself today? Have you had a chance to put the cold weather aside and practice gratitude for the sun bathing your bed or your favorite chair? You guessed it, my dogs and I have been jockeying over sun spots.

Me? Well, other than winter sunning, I’ve been working like a surgeon. Carefully piecing apart, investigating, and putting together how I feel about all that I’m doing. About what drains me. What brings me energy. What brings me joy. Life asks a lot of us: to take care of family, dogs, work, passions, house, bills, Facebook, volunteering, and even ingrown toenails. (Yep, I’m in-between procedures and the first was a Doozie!) So, all those important things had to be put to the side to listen.

And to do that, I had to do something that would have been impossible, just a couple years ago.

I had to show guilt the door.

How did I do this>> I had to say that rebalancing my energy, dreaming my future, and reconnecting with my joy, had to come first. I asked for help with dinner. I meditated, napped, and stayed off Facebook. I actively told myself that I am worth my dream. That it’s okay to take time to figure out what that is, if the way is unclear. That it’s okay to love myself even though I’m a hot mess. I am worth putting my happiness first.

The Result>> Once I believed in my worth and joy, there was no more guilt. I stood up for my worth and my joy, unencumbered by what others thought or did.

So, my beautiful friend, this is what I want to share with you: You are worth all the time and quiet and space you need to connect with your love, joy, and purpose. Period. Because you are a magnificent gift to our world. You are worth standing up for. 🧍‍♀️🥰 🌎 💕

For you>> I’m going to be chatting weekly about the path I took from an unaware, guilt-ridden, and isolated young momma to finding my joy. I call it “Peeling Your Onion”. I’ll also have some new conversations with some new friends. Also, the Live with Heidi and Heather Shows is airing monthly on YouTube, too, to talk Joy, Happiness, and Freedom.

My first “Peeling the Onion” chat airs today on my Facebook and Youtube pages. Go here to watch it live or I’ll send it to you next week via email. Would love to know if showing guilt the door is something that you would like to know more about 🙂

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but…

listen on the pod

Hello my joyful, beautiful friend! How are you? And how are you taking care of yourself this season? I’m so CURIOUS to know…

Because, my beautiful friend, there are so many fruitful things that come out of a habit of curiosity. Being open to new ideas. Putting on your courageous panties and walking forward. Or taking care of your needs in new ways. Allowing all the parts of you to be. (Even those you are, like, “why me, God?”)

So, my dear, my wish for you. May you embrace curiosity as a way to shine the light on all parts of your beautiful, evolving, messy, limitless, sometimes-troubled, sometimes-doubting, soul. And may you allow all your gifts to have a home in your heart. No. Matter. What.

And if you would like to hear more about curiosity…

click here to listen to go directly my curiosity convo with valeria

You are always connected

You were born as a bud on Her tree. The Mother Tree that spans infinitely in all directions. Every light and soul is with you.

You are always connected and loved by the infinite.

Her roots fed by the fire of creation, her trunk swaddled by the steadfast earth, her branches kissed by the stars.

You flourish and are fed as part of the infinite.

She ebbs and flows. She inhales and exhales as the ocean tides. She drinks and creates and blossoms and rests as a firey creator who honors her limits. She does not chide the seasons for their power over her. She is the seasons.

You rise and fall, create and rest, as part of the infinite.

And as you grow, you bud, blossom, leaf and grow fruit. Your soul manifests, through continual death and creation, into this fruit. It is painful; you rail against this connection. This Mother. What was so wrong with being a bud? Or a blossom? Or a leaf? You rage at the Mother.

Yet you ripen and fall as part of the infinite.

The most painful moment. Most of you dies. You recede into the ground. Yet, you are still awake. Inside of you is life. So you wait. And you wait. And everything is cold. You are too naked, too tired, to rage.

And then it happens.

The Mother’s roots swaddle you once more. Her roots reach out as loving arms and feed you as when you were a bud. Every light and soul is with you. Your roots grow as hands to hold hers. You break the ground and feel the warmth kissing your forehead from the heavens. Yet it is painful.

Every branch and every root you grow is pain.

You grow as a volcano whose lava scorches and regrows the skin of the mountain. Your roots continue to reach infinite others, the Mother, and the fire of creation. Your branches are held by the heavens as a doting grandmother cupping your chin in her soft wrinkled hand.

It is only then you feel a deep shift.

Your blossoms and leaves bear fruit. The light of other souls comes into your light, under your vast canopy. To be fed by you and the infinite and blossom. You cradle them with your nourishment. You share the ebb and flow. The death and rebirth. The inhale and exhale. The seasons. Until they, too, fall.

Your creation is connected to theirs and to all. At last you understand.

Your gift from the Mother is love. Your gift to the world is love. You are always connected and loved.

On Burnout.

When burnout happens, it’s time to love yourself with abandon + break out one small but mighty sentence: I quit.

listen here
or Watch this Playshop on YouTube

A story on Burnout: Loving Mirror Walk

I walked next to a friend, in the crisp, late fall air. The heat generated from the first two miles let me know I’d need a shower when I got home, no matter how much i vented my coat. A fellow prolific creative, heart-centered momma, and woman finding her way to joy, we never tire of topics to connect over. 

As an enneagram two, I invited her to share her recent experiences first; create that safe container for friendships. I used to think I did this because I didn’t think that much of myself. Now, I know I do it because it’s my nature. 

As we started our second mile, she stopped, turned towards me, and stated 

“Heidi, I don’t know if I could do what you do; sit and create every day at the same time and put out something once a week.”  

As she said this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My legs turned as heavy as anchors; I caught my breath. I could tell my defensiveness (i.e. ego) kicked in as my insides were pointing me towards something I already knew, like one of those 1950’s arrowed diner signs. 

“Well, I sat down and wrote my book at the same time every day, it’s a routine that feeds my joy of writing.” my ego spoke back, then the softening occurred. 

“And I have felt like butter scraped over too much bread lately.” my non-ego part of me finished the thought. 

  • The next day, I sat down to write a story and poem. I couldn’t.
  • The day after, I did twelve straight hours of housework and kid..
  • The next, passive-aggressive-resentful Heidi woke up. I could feel her snarky valley girl voice weighing down my spirit. “Like that will ever happen,” “not like they care,” and “God, why can’t my teenagers parent themselves?” circled through my brain like a squeaky merry-go-round. I self-edited so much, I became an introvert.
  • The day after was Monday. With my wife and kids gone to work, I couldn’t open my laptop. It felt like it would be one-thousand pounds. Instead of letting my head go into a death-to-Heidi’s-new-career spiral, I made healthy food and took two naps.
  • Finally, the next day, I woke up and cried. Yes, a breakdown. 

I spent the rest of the week eating and napping. 

The next week, I started wondering what was going on. A word immediately came to me:  Burnout. And it reminded me I’ve been blogging for eighteen months, podcasting for seven, growing Facebook for twelve, and co-hosting a Youtube show + Facebook Group for three. My focus has been on those things. Trying to be more helpful. For more people. Growing too slowly to help, at least in the monetary sense. And the hard truth, I couldn’t keep it all up. No matter how much I wanted to.  

The SoulJourner QUESTion

The Solution >> I journaled about what will help me. The answer: Focus on my book and course. And another word came into my sphere: Alignment. I need to align my focus with who I am. Honor my needs for rest and quiet so I can share my deep, sometimes humorous, insights with you. To do this, I need to quit some things.

My wish for you: May you take time to ask yourself what’s important, and may you remember to bring your self, your vision, your personality, and your needs for self-care right alongside it. The universe wants you brilliant, whole, and loved. For that’s how you were born and how you were made to be. And May you create your very own Burnout Balm to soothe and heal your heart and soul!

The Solution: Burnout Balm

Burnout
Balm:
Loving yourself +
Quitting Forward

Feeling drained every single day?

Wondering if you’re depressed or if you’re experiencing burnout?

​

The answers are inside! Download this Workbook that will help you identify if you have burnout, care for yourself, and filter your life so you can move forward again!

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    Unsubscribe any time.

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    A special heartfelt thanks to the teachers who helped me uncover my own Burnout Balm: my walk with my creative friend, Alexandra Taketa’s blog post, and the books: Burnout, Miracle Morning for Entrepreneurs, and Dear Writer, You need to Quit.

    One Big Toe + One Bigger Label

    Twelve Days Until Christmas, 2004

    listen

    I sat there, with my vanity chair drawn next to our bed, in my flannel pjs with the legs rolled up. My ears delighting in the snow tapping on the window pane. The air, a pungent perfume of nail polish. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I reach to my side and cross off two items from my list:

    1. 100 handmade beaded snowmen ornaments. Check.
    2. Perfect toenails for Christmas. Check.

    I look down with pride. Ten glossy red nails and smooth feet. I am so glad that God gave me these feet. If all else fails, I can always be a foot-model. Definitely my top physical quality.

    Three Years + Two kids + One Big Toe later

    The podiatrist continues his lecture, bent over a tray of sterilized shiny objects. I fidget on the table and try not to stare at them. Instead I point and flex my right foot, trying to warm it up without a sock on.

    “So, Heidi, because you didn’t notice your toe hurting until it was too late, this is your only option.” he finishes. A nurse comes into the room with a large needle.

    Well, I bet he wouldn’t remember to do his nails if he had to change and launder 100 diapers a week. Geeze. Maybe it won’t be that noticeable. I can still be a mommy-foot-model.

    Two days later, post ingrown-toenail-surgery, during my kids’ nap, I decide it’s time. I get out a flashlight. I go to the bathroom and survey the wreckage. Up-close, the perfect nail is no more. It’s clean and straight and pain-free. But looks unnatural.

    What am I going to do now? Tears start cascading down my cheeks. I wipe them away faster than a jack rabbit.

    The SoulJourner QUESTion

    Without even knowing it, we all adopt labels, from ourselves and others. Mommy’s-little-helper, slow-learner, loudmouth, spender, saver, good son, good daughter, introvert, extrovert, directionally-challenged, indirect-communicator, Proud-member-of-the-tired-parent’s-club, slacker, workaholic, chocoholic. Mommy-foot-model.

    There’s a price we pay for these labels. We let ourselves become too attached to them. The consequence? Unhelpful labels keep us suffering when we don’t measure up AND hesitating to learn new stuff. Because the label will shout back at us. Hey! You can’t go zip-lining. You’re afraid of heights! or Hey! You’re an introvert, you don’t want to meet those new people. How to master our labels before they master us? Make your labels like a post-it note.

    The Post-it Note Exercise

    Are you hesitant to do something you haven’t before? Are you mad at yourself about how something went? Check in with your labels.

    STEP 1: Find-your-label prompt: Fill in the following
    • Because I am a _____, I don’t want to or feel able to ______.
    • Why do I have to be such a ____? If I wasn’t, I would be able to ________.
    • I was made to be ____________; there’s nothing I can do about it.
    STEP 2: Name it + feel it

    The first part of the sentence is your label. This is a lens you are looking at life through right now. Note how it makes you feel. If it’s not helpful and empowering, it’s time to move onto Step 3.

    STEP 3: Make it a Post-It

    Life is flowing and changing around us. And we give and get different labels at different times. There are two ways you can let go of the grip of your label.

    1) Be like Frozen: It might be time to visualize letting that word go. (Or even writing it down and burning it.)

    2) Make it an ‘and’. Combine it with another label that feels like it contradicts it to you. Here are some of my ‘and’ labels that help me. Divorced AND Happy. Mommy AND Top-Priority. Writer AND Extrovert. Kind AND Assertive. People AND Animal person.

    To be honest, there’s only one label that will let you discover how limitless you are:
    Human Being.👊💕🙏

    PS I just downloaded an affirmations app called “I am…” It has many different types of affirmations and LOADS of empowering labels. Let me know if you try it!

    If you can’t be with the one you love…

    So, if you can’t be with the one you love, do you really have to love the one you’re with? No, but it makes life a whole lot more awesome! A message of love for you for the holiday season! Or, really, any time of year 🙂

    Listen to this

    Dear miraculous and beautiful soul,

    How the hell are you, my friend? Are you ramping up for the holidays a.la. caffeine-nation or finding some sweet time next to a lit tree or in a cozy nook? Or a little of both? Would love to know how you are taking care of yourself this season.

    Over the past ten years, I’ve gone on a major Christmas-season transformation. From one fraught with parties, perfection, migraines, and lists longer than Santa’s. To one with fewer presents, commitments, and stillness to enjoy the darkness rising. Where are you on that holiday scale? More importantly, how do you feel about where you are at?

    My family jokes every year that I used to hate Christmas. Which isn’t true.

    The Truth>> I used to dread the holidays. All the doing. I am sure it was all the internal beatings I would give myself if things didn’t work out or get done in time. Yep, I was my own Nightmare before Christmas.

    And, even with my resilience and mindfulness tools in my belt, I felt the pressure this holiday season. Pressure to move my business ahead. Faster.

    The Messy Middle >> One day, I woke up and couldn’t work. Instead, I released some big, sad, been-workin-too-much-not-seeing-my-progress emotions. (Yes, I cried.) After beating myself up for a day, I woke up and said enough is enough.

    The Answer >> Next, I opened up to Heather Kokx’s insightful words and gave myself mercy. I sat in long stillness, looking for guidance. And it came. The answer: Love myself. (Is love always the answer? 🧐)

    And no matter if you hate or love all the festivities, may you dig deep to find your balance, your stillness, and your appreciation for the miracle of you.

    So, would you like a quick reminder of how awesome you are? How you need to be a priority in your life? How you need to take care of yourself? 💌Get your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs here (pdf). 💌 And please do join us in my Facebook Group to chat about it. Would love to see your smiling heart there 🙂

    More LOVE >> This week, I’m focused around helping you cultivate self-love (or self-friendliness!) in my Facebook Group. 💕Don’t forget, I’m live every Wednesday morning 9:30 am Central in the group and on YouTube Channel. Today, I’m talking about, you guessed it, self-love!

    Sending you much peace and stillness to enjoy and be proud of the miraculous gift that is YOU.

    With love, light and laughter,

    Heidi Esther

    ANNOUNCEMENTS

    ⍰ of the WEEK (DEC 6): What’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for accomplishing in 2021? Answer here!

    📺 NEXT WED, DEC 15, 2021 @ 6:30 Central: Holiday #LikeABoss on the Live with Heidi and Heather show on YouTube. Bring a fav drink, holiday recipe, and gift received and tune in!

    🐉⚔️ What do you need in your life to move forward with confidence? The answer is in my Dead Dragon story! Loving The Dead Dragon show? Try another of Katherine’s other empowering interviews!

    ➡ Pick up your Self-Love Letter Mad Libs! ⬇️

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