listening

Ready to float downstream in the Rolling Meadows?

ZRRRRRAAAAACCCH. Again, the noise. ZEEEEERRRACH. Again, louder. The noise sounds like it could be harmful.

Click here to listen to this story on buzzsprout

I’m laying on a patchwork quilt beside a happy little stream where a family of ducks paddles by. Around me are the rolling meadows. Here, the soft grasses are tall, with sweet, little flowers. The early summer sun is gentle and low, yawning and stretching her arms, blanketing a part of the sky in a mellow orange. Which caresses and intertwines fingers with the light blue of the day, like lovers parting.

This place sounds too good to be true… do you think so, too? Read on!

Family Night, Shamly-Night, Who needs Family Night?

Barbara’s spinning the recliner chair, again? I wonder what happened?

Post-Dinner Bliss

It is Wednesday at 6:27 pm. My belly content from a healthy dinner. My body hitting relaxation mode as I exit a clean kitchen. Like it never happened is our new family motto for the kitchen. That’s how clean it needs to look after breakfast, second breakfast, hot lunch, snack, tea time, and dinner. It’s working pretty well.

I pause as Stacey, my wife, wraps a block of frozen something in a kitchen towel to thaw overnight. I turn off the light.

With devilish excitement in my voice, as if suggesting dessert for breakfast, “jammies?” Stacey gives me the nod of approval.

Ohhh! I wonder what Jammy family night will be?? Read on!

So, I didn’t know I was IN a closet…

Yes, I’m not going to pay $25 for two Panera Salads for lunch for someone I don’t like!

Playdate Gone South

She slammed a door in my face!

Mary, my best friend.

I just couldn’t believe it – I froze. I don’t know if the source of our toddlers’ fight was my son or her daughter. Whatever. That was bullshit.

For the record, no friend has ever slammed a door in my face.

seriously, i made 3 new year’s resolutions to be a better friend. see what – or who – knocks on heidi’s door next!

A Pocket of Sanity for the New Year!

How is 2021 going to be better? With a Pocket Full of Sanity, of course. by Heidi Esther

How is 2021 Gonna Be Better?

The year stretches gloriously ahead, beckoning you to think about what to make of 2021. Like a stretch of untouched snow begging you to romp and sled and make snow angels.

Oh! I just love fresh snow. I wonder what heidi esther got for me this time!

One Lunch that was too big to Stomach

Not in a box. Not with a fox. Not in a car. Not in a bar. Not here OR there.

PSST! Scroll to the bottom of One Lunch Too Big and claim your FREE Gift! Hint: It involves soap

God, I so miss going out to lunch…

My face turned hot. My lips pursed. My stomach lurched. I quickly grabbed my fork and knife and concentrated on cutting my pizza into toddler squares. Still listening to Betsy.

Betsy: A woman I’ve known for a year. How could I not see? Was I, now, my own social media filter? Has she been presenting facts that I, simply, could not, would not – recognize?

what’s so different about betsy? And why is heidi freaking out about it? read more!

Thanksgiving Grace, and crying

Woken Grace, 2020

Dear God, Earth Mother, The Universe, Higher Power, or whatever you believe in,

We are, though we may not always show it, grateful for all you give us. For all you bless us to live with and love. For all you give us to eat that nourishes our souls, today and forward. Thank you.

Today is Thanksgiving.

I woke, laden and remorseful. For the immense suffering that it took to make my plate possible:

how long is this grace? about 4 min

read on, woken soul!

Why Joyfully Ever After? And why now?

(Why Joyfully Ever After is a continuation of this story.) In a dark and cozy bedroom May 14, 2020: I wake up for the day. Feels off. What time is … Continue reading “Why Joyfully Ever After? And why now?”

(Why Joyfully Ever After is a continuation of this story.)

In a dark and cozy bedroom

May 14, 2020: I wake up for the day. Feels off. What time is it? 4:23 am. How am I awake right now? That’s weird.

I fell back to sleep.

May 15, 2020: I feel great today! Wait. It’s still dark. 4:37 am. Hmmm.

Rolled over. Fell asleep.

Is this gonna be like groundhog day? maybe. but shorter and at night (spooky) :O

God hides under the kitchen table for 35 years?

Hello,
this is God.
I’ll be handling all of your problems today.
Have a miraculous day.

Heidi Esther’s negative-ninny mind has got her cornered again. How is she supposed to live when she feels like – she’s – a mistake? She finds an answer under the kitchen table…

8 years ago in a treehouse

I blew my nose in the last kleenex. I sat in a dark corner of my bedroom, my arms hugging my knees. Across from me: a wall of windows. The day was bright. My view was shaded, showing a lush, leafy vista. I pulled my hoodie strings tighter around my head.

Why was Heidi so sad? It looks like such a nice day outside! Read on to find out…

you can’t make me go back in there!

Divorced Scaredy Cat

I stood with sinking legs, at the threshold of my ex’s new house. Inside was silent and cave-dark against the light from the doorway. His large figure, daunting, challenging, between me and the sun.

I wanted a hoodie. I needed a bathroom. I desperately wanted to compliment him. My kids, 6 and 7, were still inside, looking for guidance. My tongue was stuck; lead feet ensued.

Geeeeeze, people, stop getting ahead of yourselves! This is not a story about violence. But when my ex gets angry, it’s like his eyes sink into his head and turn all black – like the black-oil people who get infected with the alien virus in X-Files. Get what I’m sayin?

Pre-divorce, my immediate response to his anger was either:

What do you do when you’re scared? read on and respond at the end!

You’re never alone, especially if you’re a corpse.

Quietly pumping iron can happen to you, too.

It was quiet as a library. The room was spacious with a low ceiling. It was all wood- smelling. More like a forest than a yoga studio – except for one window wall. It ushered in the only light. The light of dusk on a heavy, cloudy day that was never awake enough to wash the sleep out of its eyes.

I live so many of those days with my toddlers, in velour tracksuits with an unbrushed ponytail. If I hadn’t had 2 cups of coffee after dinner, it would also be lights-out for me.

Did Heidi fall asleep or break out the dumbbells in yoga class? continue reading!