Why Joyfully Ever After? And why now?

(Why Joyfully Ever After is a continuation of this story.)

In a dark and cozy bedroom

May 14, 2020:  I wake up for the day. Feels off. What time is it? 4:23 am. How am I awake right now? That’s weird.  

I fell back to sleep. 

May 15, 2020: I feel great today! Wait. It’s still dark. 4:37 am. Hmmm. 

Rolled over. Fell asleep. 

May 16, 2020: I’m ready for anything today! 4:14 am. Dammit,  I have to go to the bathroom. But, I’m not getting up. How can I be so peppy three days in a row?

Stared at my ceiling until 5:45 am. Took grumpiness out on Elvis. Meaning he only got a 3-minute good-morning rubdown instead of a 5-minute one. 

May 17, 2020: 4:27 am. What is going on? Is someone secretly dosing me 84-year-old sleep habits so I wake up when it’s dark, and I go to bed before dinner? Am I possessed by the ghost of a morning person? Should I Google if people’s sleep habits follow into the spirit realm?

Olive also got a rubdown this morning. 

May 18, 2020: 3:54 am. LOOK. WHOEVER. YOU. ARE. I am not awake because I’m worried. I feel great. I feel calm. And happy. Stacey and I share the cooking now. Today, I’m gonna grill chicken with white barbeque sauce! Mmm! Mmm! And I’m networking. Maybe a new fundraising gig will turn up soon. 

Look, if you are my Worry Brain, you have a lousy way of showing yourself! I’m not stressed enough to scroll my Google feed for random articles about cool dinosaur bones, hibernating hummingbirds, or new planetoids. I’m putting on my favorite sleep story “Black Pearls of Tahiti” by Candace Rardon, and going back to sleep. 

Listened to three stories, fell asleep for 17 minutes, then got up. 

The Final Chapter

May 19, 2020: 2:12 am. HAHA. That’s funny. 

Back to sleep. 

May 19, 2020: 3:05 am. I heard you. MomSanity. You said MomSanity. You KNOW who has MomSanity? Clearly not you, you midnight-trickster! This would be easier if my spouse snored or the dogs whined. At least I could then blame this on an actual living being. Sigh. While I’m awake, let’s think about MomSanity. 

I feel like I have MomSanity. I feel Calm. Content. Despite unemployment, no prospects, pandemic, civil unrest. My pragmatic friend Deb says, “Right now, it’s like this.” Yes, I accept the mess in my life. I’m only regretting our open-floor plan*a little bit*. But, that’s what door knockers are for, right? Like my son’s. One side: Do Not Disturb. The other: F**k Off. Effective! 

Maybe, the new part is that I now accept my weird. I need to sit on a stool and warm my clothes on the heater in the morning. That’s me! Rounds of gratitude at the dinner table, despite teenage eye rolls. Totally a Heidi move. I. have. MomSanity. NOW can I go back to sleep? 

I laid awake until 5:30 am. Elvis got a long rub down (to make up for earlier) before we fell asleep meditating. 

May 20, 2020: 5:02am  MomSanity. I heard you say it! You can’t take it back! AND I heard you say three other words: Patience, Forgiveness, Boundaries. HA! That’s what you’ve been trying to say. Why couldn’t you just say it a week ago??? MomSanity. That sounds like a concept I can wrap my head around. Higher Power, Universe, God, Earth Mother, whoever you are. Thank you. I have MomSanity. And I’m going to help other souls who take care of the world find theirs. I’m like a big MammaSanity Bear who can lead the way. 

I warmed up my clothes, tucked the dogs into their downstairs beds, and started writing. 

This pandemic is making me the craziest, or the sanest, person alive. 

Nevertheless…Welcome to Your Joyfully Ever After… version 3 of MomSanity! 

Birthed in the pandemic to help you grow awareness to find your calm, lighthearted, joyful core. Your Joyfully Ever After, Because you’re worth it. 

With Love, Light, and Laughter, 

Heidi Esther, your (early-rising) mamma bear who’s been there

POEM: And opening

And,
And,
And.
Don’t but the doors
to different possibilities
for you.

Divorced and complete, 
Poor and enough,
Mom and human,
Unemployed and driven,
Weird and accepted,
Forgiving and assertive,
Dreaming and present,
Depressed and hopeful,
Alone and loved. 

You are an ever-molting 
dichotomy 
of spirit. 

Open all doors to 
the aurora you bring, 
Brilliant Stardust, 
and you will find 
your laugh,
you're home,  
and your freedom. 

The SoulJourner QUESTion

1. SERIOUS: How can you bring more patience, forgiveness, and boundaries into your daily life to better take care of yourself? 
2. FUN: What would your name be as a Care Bear? I am Hangry Bear more than I think, my wife might be Captain Smash Bear, my daughter would be Meh Bear, and my son would probably be PS4 Bear.