You made it to the last of the MomSanity Four Agreements Series! Wahooo! Here’s a link to more The Four Agreements info. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, the Fourth Agreement is: Always Do Your Best.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

Cold Shoulders

I sat at my desk, looking through my miniblinds to the parking lot. My hands retreated from my keyboard like wilted flowers as I watched two of my coworkers fast-walk to a car, out of view.

The two people I trust the most at my job went to lunch without me. And, even worse, they tried to hide it from me. I felt an old ego-driven defense spike up from my inside. I didn’t do anything wrong. They are the ones with issues.

But I know that’s not true. A newer voice chimes in: I co-create my own reality. Yes, part of this is mine to own. Though I do not know what part. I think I’ll take a walk to clear my head. Yeah. Then, I’ll figure it out. Humility, I’m with you.

I open my side drawer to grab my phone, keys, and sunglasses. With phone and keys in hand, I keep digging to find my sunglasses. I push aside my lunch pail, coffee pods, emergency chocolate. A pair of underwear? How did you get in here? Aha! From swimming day. I jam those in the bottom of my purse. My purse! I dump my purse. No sunglasses.

Do I really need them? I look outside. Yep, it’s sunny. Like, mid-winter sun reflecting off the snow. Gonna need shades.

I do a scan of my minimal desk, cabinet, and plant stand. Nope. I busy myself with getting my snow boots on, and my mind starts again. I have a duty to make this better. I have a duty to help my coworkers navigate their positions. After all, I spent most of my tenure doing both their positions before they came on board. 

Always Do Your Best? Really?

Questions pop like corn. Am I helping them too little? Or am I not giving them enough autonomy? When they ask for help, do I give them too much, like a coddling mom? I try to be encouraging, but is it overkill? Why can’t supporting my co-workers be easy, like with my pre-teens?

My eyes land on my little Loch Ness Monster on my desk. I laugh as I read the saying that I wrote on the back. The truth is out there. You got that right, Nessie! Along with my sunglasses.

I give up, lunch at my desk it is. A snake of a thought tightens and wraps around my mind. I did something bad. Maybe I’m a bad coworker. I turn off the office lights and eat my lunch like a sad sloth. I feel I don’t deserve the taste of this buffalo ranch avocado and egg salad.

After letting my snake-thought squeeze around me, I hear the newer voice again. All you can do. Hmmm. All I can do is be kind, direct, and honest? Look where that got me! All I can do is try my best and learn from my mistakes? Bingo. I could feel the snake release its grip.

Hot Coals 

I hear my office door open. My coworkers are back. My hands freeze and my heart jumps into my throat. Okay, bravery, it’s your turn. 

I knock on my coworker’s door.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask.

Her eyes narrow and arms cross. She tosses me an answer like she’s flicking a penny.

“Sure,” she says.

“I’ll make it quick.” I say, and I sit down in her guest chair. I take a quick breath. She rolls her eyes, but I continue. 

“First, I hope you both had a nice lunch. Second, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did or said. But I want to let you know that I am on your side, and I am here to help you be awesome. If you need something or need less of something, please ask me.” My coworker uncrosses her arms. Thank God. Progress. I continue, “I can’t read minds. We are all in this tight space together trying to make our little corner of the world better. Again, I’m sorry.” 

I get up to leave, and my coworker speaks. 

“Wow, well, um, thank you for saying that. That helps a lot. And I accept your apology.” She begins, looking at the wall, “so, I would like to also apologize. I have been super frustrated about everything lately. And, on my way home from work sometimes, well,” she looks down at the floor, “I regret my behavior at work. So, I’m sorry too. There’s a lot I’m frustrated with, so…”

My coworker pauses, and a big smile creeps across her face, like the sun parting the thunderclouds.

“I’ve taken a new job! I’m super excited…”

She leans in, and we chat for the next twenty minutes. I take notes about how I can help the next person, thank her, and stand up.

“Have a nice lunch,” my coworker says lightly in farewell.

“Oh, I’m not going to lunch.” I reply, like a dog not sure what its owner is saying.

“Oh, I assumed you were on your way out because you had your sunglasses on your head,” my coworker says, pointing to the top of my head.

Ready to go to stories about the other agreements? Here ya go! Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3

POEM: Freedom Pie

The filling 
of ripe fruit 
 just picked 
  Be Impeccable With Your Word
    with kindness and bravery
    toward yourself and others
Your shame, unworthiness never again picked from the branches. 

Cut the crust
  flour, butter, 
  salt, water.
   Don’t Take Anything Personally
     Their words, actions, rolled away
      your smooth inside knows
It’s never been about you.        

Constructing the 
   the pie takes 
   gentleness, cutting excess.
    Don’t Make Assumptions
      You ask what you need; they mean, 
      and leave the rest on the counter.
Clarity dissolves your angry jungle.

Bake the pie
  the last step,
  time. 
     Always Do Your Best
       Patience to work
       all four agreements,
  A delicious slice of life. 

Soul-Journer QuestIon

Yes, Always Do Your Best is the culmination of the other three agreements. In fact, you have to be working on all the agreements for this one to work!

• After all, you can’t be doing your best if you’re shoulding over yourself, right?
• You can’t do your best if you’re assuming your teenager will clean up eight meals’ worth of dishes by dinner time, either.
• And you definitely can’t do your best if you are viewing the world like everyone’s out to get you!

THE QUESTION: Beautiful soul, are you ready to embrace Always Doing Your Best? GREAT! The next time you feel annoyed, angry, or frustrated about something…

• Get yourself in a calm space.
• Write or talk out the answer to Did I do my best, given how I am today? Your best will change from minute to minute, day to day, depending on if you’re sick, depressed, inspired, or happy! IF NOT, then practice forgiving yourself and make an effort to try to show up as your best going forward.

THE EXTRA CREDIT: Still annoyed or angry? Write or talk out the answers to the following questions. Each is based on one of the first three agreements. 

1. Am I being kind and honest with myself and others about something? IF NOT, consider one of these actions: Do you need to forgive yourself? Make amends to others? Speak your truth with kindness and assertiveness?

2. Am I taking offense to others’ words and behaviors? IF SO, remind yourself that nothing anyone else does or says is because of you. Can you visualize letting their words and actions slip out of your hands and floating away from you? If you feel the need to speak up, do so with kindness and assertiveness.

3. Am I asking directly for what I need and letting go of the outcome? Am I asking what people mean when they do or say something? IF NO, then write out what you need and how others can help you. If you still need clarity and help, speak honestly and kindly. Or ask kindly to better understand where people are coming from.