(Covid Series 1 of 2. Second Story is HERE)
The Wednesday that wasn’t
I cozied into my found-on-the-curb-and-it’s-perfectly-fine-with-two-pillows-see? desk chair. ⅓ caff coffee on the candle warmer. Fairy lights twinkling in my Apple Knockers cider jug. My favorite daytime sweatpants, warm out of the dryer. It’s gonna be a great day.
Time to grow some trees. With my new Forest app, I mean. (You can thank Nir Eyal (author of indistractable) if, when you call, I pause to grow some hardwood.) BEST PART: virtual plants don’t die because of
- Powdery mildew (go back to Halloween, pumpkins), or
- Overwatering (go back to the desert, rosemary).
A text from an infrequent texter pops up. Looks like I need to get rid of that distraction.
TEXT Jason: Sorry to have to tell you…
Oh, fuck a duck.
I do a quick calculation. This can only mean The ‘Rona. I breathe in, scrunch my face, and open one eye:
TEXT Jason: …this, but I had a positive Covid test. I can still smell and taste. No other symptoms except a throat tickle. Please get tested. I’m so very sorry.
Dammit. No free Veteran’s Day meals for Stacey today.
TEXT Jason: My wife and I only tested because cases are spiking. Mine was positive and hers was negative…
3 days prior…
Jason and his wife came over for football. New friends, who live next door, love wine, AND can talk football with my wife? A PANDEMIC MIRACLE. So, we went all out, Corona-style:
- Hepa Smurf (our new white and blue purifier),
- Our ole’ trusty Giant Honeywell dome purifier, and
- All windows open.
Who needs a hairdryer with all this?
Back to my chair
Oh shit! Stacey is at the grocery store right now. She could be spreading The ‘Rona like Grinchy-cheer!
PHONE Me: You at Meijer?
My stomach braces…
PHONE Stacey: No, forgot something. On my way home.
My body melts back into my chair.
PHONE Me: THANK GOD. We might have Covid. Catch you up soon!
The Wrinkle
I start pacing. Should I tell my teenagers OR not? If I DO, then…
- Jonathan will tell his girlfriend,
- His girlfriend will tell her mom,
- Her mom might resent me for not telling her first, because
- She and I are best friends, AND
- We are going to go to their house for his girlfriend’s surprise birthday party in two days.
My stomach sinks. I bet they already bought food for the cajun shrimp bonfire. God that sounds good. I wonder what seasoning she uses.
Definitely tell my friend first. But, first things first:
(Internet Search: Biltmore Estate Free Shipping for Wine)
Gotta make sure I have enough supplies…
The car ride
Stacey arrives home. The bright November morning sun highlighting every crumb on our light hardwood. Maybe the kids will be happy to clean the house in quarantine because of nowhere else to go. That’s a nice silver lining!
Me: I’m ready!
Stacey doesn’t move. Points to my feet.
I look down, my green knit slippers happily wiggling up at me. Oh yea, can’t get my new slips dirty!
Stacey: You forgot shoes, but you have a scarf, hat, and mittens?
Me: And snacks and my journal, too. Might be time to practice some indistractability!
TEXT Me (to kids): Stacey and I are leaving. Back in a bit. Call for deets.
I feel like a secret agent!
We are not yet out of the driveway and my phone rings. It’s Jonathan.
PHONE Me: Hi sweetheart. Pause Yes, we are going to get tested for Covid. Pause. Yes, I know it sucks. Pause I’m sorry we probably can’t see them Friday. We won’t have the results. Pause Yes, I know, it’s The Worst Day. I’m so sorry. Are you crying? Pause There will be other times to see her. Long Pause Are you mad? Long Pause. Sweetheart, this is what it is. You can be mad, but there’s nothing you can do. Pause I’m sorry and I love you. Bye.
(Internet search: mindfulness book for teenagers.)
Stacey: Why do we have to make playdates for him? He’s 14!!!
Me: I know, right? My friend Nir. You know, the indistractable guy I keep talking about? He said that helping teenagers have in-person playdates is, like, totally normal now. Because of the pull to the dark side of the social media force…
Stacey: Yea, too much social media makes their rooms stink.
Me: That reminds me, maybe we could get Jonathan candles for Christmas?
(Internet search: monthly candle membership)
We arrive at the snake line by the mall. At least 100 cars stand before us.
Me: (looking at my phone): And here’s some great news! I’ve grown four Ginko trees already today! Maybe I can grow some maple trees while we wait!
Stacey (smiling): I’m not sure that’s what your app is meant for, sweetie.
We both get quiet.
Deep down, I know the wait and nasal swab will be much less painful than the days ahead…like I’m the unnamed character in a horror movie. It’s gonna end badly. But I just Don’t. Know. When.
POEM: The Gambler by Kenny Rogers
you gotta know when to hold ’em, when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away and know when to run
The SoulJourner Question
The Gambler chorus played over and over in my head during our 5-day wait period. It was a cruel irony, that I couldn’t literally walk or run away from anything. I knew there were rough hands ahead. And I would spend my days playing them.
Being available is great for those I love and serve. But, at what cost to me?
Being indistractable is great for me. At what cost to those I love?
PROMPT: The answer: the ever-elusive Balance. Between Indistractability and availability. Being for those I love and serve. AND for myself. What is one small thing you can do every day that’s For Yourself? To nurture your best self? Take your multivitamin? Say “I will try my best today” in the mirror? Get sunlight? Write out your feelings? Lemme know!
