I sat there, in a looks-like-Voldemort’s-Ministry-of-Magic-Boardroom. The third story of a law office in our midwestern downtown. My cold, clammy hands clutched a legal agreement. I looked up from the papers to the outside.
Not a cloud in the laughing-blue sky. My toes, in my dress shoes, still thawing from the short walk from my car 15 minutes prior. The sun glinting off the mounds of snow. Everything always looks so clean from above. My barely-visible black SUV, a salty mess, looking polished in the sunlight.
My newly-former boss droned on. Next to them, sat the Board President and a lawyer. I knew this might happen. I was honest. I tried my best. I helped a lot of souls. I wonder what my other lessons are here. Hmmm.
They stopped talking. Thank God, I need a bathroom.
I shook their hands, looked them in the eye, grabbed my coat, and left. I took black granite stairs back down, stopping to enjoy the view. I took a deep breath. These old buildings always smell so good, like history. Then, something strange happened.
I started skipping down the rest of the stairs. My body, light. I almost laughed. Like Maria von Trapp singing on the sunny, grassy hills in Austria.
I am free. Thank you, God.
I drove home, ate a healthy salad, took a nap in the warm winter afternoon sun with my dog, and got our favorite take out for dinner. I was grateful for the whole day. The day I was terminated. Why?
…other doors open, if you will take them.
4 Kinds of Acceptance
Here is how I didn’t plunge into inner turmoil, regret, and suffering. Here’s how I found a calm, happy place instead.
1) Accept your feelings. The last year at that position, I decided to honor my feelings. For work, that meant honoring my integrity. I was honest, direct, and brave. I thoughtfully initiated discussions to resolve issues. My boss even thanked me more than once for being “the adult.” I listened to and accepted my feelings. I didn’t pretend everything was fine. (Please note I didn’t say act on my feelings. Many times, I meditate or journal or actively listen to coworkers to find my answer.) Can you honor and feel your feelings? Now, and now, and now?
2) Accept where you are. Instead of shaming myself, I said: “W.O.W., my life definitely kicked me out of that door.” And I immediately felt like God released me from the shackles I had put on myself. I accepted where I was, that very moment. Can you accept where you are now, and now, and now?
3) Accept you are never alone. When I received a business card from God, a seed of a belief took root. Between divine intervention from friends, large termination checks, and early wake-up calls – I have come to believe I am not alone. (I meditate a lot, which helps me, too.) Now: I try my best. I listen my best. And I leave the rest up to (whoever is up there). Can you do your best and let the rest go? What do you have to let go of? Now, and now, and now?
4) Accept who you are. Hey! We’re all different. My therapist once asked me if I could just be okay with being weird. Me? I’m a left-handed, intuitive sensitive, extroverted, divorced, remarried, lesbian, super-feeler of a mamma obsessed with writing, pandemic baking, and my Chiweenie. I can’t go anywhere without my pillow, which, to be honest, can be replaced by one towel. Yes, I have accepted all that. So…
Life is a series of doors that, if you walk through, reveal more and more of You. Can you say “Oh, this is who I am now. ” And accept all the bright and dark of beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, you? Now, and now, and now?
Mom-munity Builder
So…Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s to getting one step closer to self-love! Self-acceptance 🙂 What do you think? Do you practice any of these? Would love to know if you would like a short handout about the steps!
Much love to you, dear beloved soul, Heidi Esther, your MomSanity Bear
