Tribe Conference Day 3: Sunday.
If you want to know where I am, read this story first.
First speaker: Joseph Michael
Holy crap! This man is a miracle. With three kids at home and his mortgage past due, what does he do? He records tutorials for Scrivener in his car on lunch breaks. In no time, he makes so much that he quits his day job & lives happily ever after. Now he is a motivational speaker.
I have to get on his email list. This dude is legit.
Three weeks later
5:34 am. Settled into my plush orange 70s swivel armchair, wrapped in my blankie, I’m ready. For my daily meditation. Why not peek in my Gmail to see if my weekly Joseph Michael inspirational message came?
There it is! Cups?? An email about coffee cups?
I read the long formatted-for-sales email. (You know, those ones that have strategically bolded text everywhere?) He has a friend who helps thousands of people supplement their income?
What could an extra $2k per month mean? My kids’ college paid. An annual overseas vacation. I could afford my kids’ driver’s insurance when it’s time. I can be a cup maker.
Joe sends me a few more emails. We’re on a first-name basis now.
The caveat: I need to design them. But, How? I just learned about photo filters… Next email: all you need are good puns. I am now a punny cup-maker. That conference wasn’t a total waste.
The hitch: I have a full-time job. No one likes Heidi who doesn’t have enough sleep, or time to pluck her chin-hair before work.
I hatch a plan.
The next no-kid weekend
Friday after work. Stacey has had a whole introverted day by herself. I grab myself a Scrimshaw. Stacey has a rum and coke. We contemplate out-to-dinner options.
I lean on the kitchen counter, the late fall sun warming the floor. I look up to Stacey. Her blue eyes lighted by the sun. Her bleached hair coiffed around her quietly-freckled face. Now’s the time.
Me (starting to pick at my beer label): So, sweetheart. I was thinking what our life could be like if we had a couple extra thousand a month to play with…
I hold my breath; look up.
FYI, this Air Force veteran can sniff out boundary-busters 500 miles away. Honestly, I can’t blame her. I’ve used this tactic to try and get her to chase her dream more than a few times, all with disastrous results… Stacey is like Alcatraz: impenetrable.
Stacey (looking directly in my eyes): Heidi, is this some kind of scam?
Oh no, the use of my actual name is a bad sign…
Me: I don’t think so. One of Jeff’s friends has a way you and I can make it happen. And I trust Jeff.
Stacey: I already don’t want to do whatever it is. But, if you trust Jeff, I’ll listen.
A $300 investment later:
Stacey and I are co-mmitted to making cups! Yea, she still thinks it’s a scam. I am the researching, process, and creative arm. Stacey is the Amazon-publishing arm. College and travel expenses, we got you!
Our Gearbubble store name: 2 Girls and a Cup. Cute, right?
1 month later
I bet you have no idea what goes into creating made-to-order coffee cups for online sale? Yea, we didn’t either. It takes about 1 hour per cup, start-to-finish. We haven’t sold any yet… there is a lot of competition on Amazon, in case you didn’t know. BUT, that doesn’t mean anything. According to Joe, we need to get up about 300 cups before the real money happens.
Cups we are very proud of:
3 months and Zero Free-Time later
4:30 pm. Friday afternoon, mid-winter. I come home from work. Stacey has spent the past 4 hours getting our 97-100th cups online. She is lying down on the couch with her Avengers fleece blanket covering her head.
I put on my pajamas, heat some water for tea, and sit next to her.
Me: Hey, sweetheart. You okay?
Stacey: Yea, I’m fine.
Y’all know that doesn’t mean what she says it means.
Me: That’s great you got our 100th cup online!
Stacey (still under her blanket): Whatever. Cups suck. I don’t even drink hot beverages. I still think it’s a scam.
My heart grows heavy. And there’s my conscience knocking on my door.
Me: I know. And, um, sweetheart, I have a confession.
Stacey finally uncovers her face. Which is actually two: Hers and Elvis’ (our Italian Greyhound). God, she loves her little man.
Me: I was hoping you would do the cups without me. Cups would be an easy way for you to have an income and flexibility for doing whatever you wanted with your life. Obviously, that was subversive of me, and I’m very, very sorry. Also, I’m sorry we haven’t done anything in the past 4 months other than sift through the Amazon-publishing bible.
Her face grows dark. I’m so sleeping on the couch tonight. She sits up and looks me square in the eye.
Stacey: So, can we be done with the cups then?
Me: Yes. We sold two mugs, and I learned many more valuable lessons. How about some Chinese for dinner to celebrate our freedom?
Stacey: As long as it doesn’t come with any questions about what am I going to do with my life.
Me: Okay, sweetheart. You got yourself a deal! So, there was this email I got the other day….
Stacey rolls her eyes.
Me: Too soon?
Stacey: Definitely.
POEM: Somebody else’s
Be careful what you wish for, Be careful where you step, Be careful what you label yourself, Because, if it’s not about you, you’ll never get what you expect.
Mom-munity builder
Yes. This story is about expectations (again!) And also codependency. I was trying to get somebody else to do something without directly asking them. Doh. 🤦‍♀️I felt horrible for pretty much the whole process; and so did Stacey. After we stopped, I ended up doing a Control Patterns inventory, and I have been working on catching myself before things get this deep. Recovery from codependency is a process. And I am gentle with myself. And I’m getting better.
PROMPT: It’s so easy to want people to succeed. AND to want to succeed, too! What can you say to yourself before you ask people to do something? Can you first ask yourself why? If it’s not the best reason, can you give yourself grace? And apologize if necessary?
