Staring at the horizon above the meadow at a tree-lined subdivison, my anger smokes out my fingertips. My body is in a yoga pose, called Warrior Two. Which always looks to me like an archer stance, ready for battle.
My front leg is bent at 90 degrees, my back leg straighter, strong. They are aligned, like on hip-width train tracks. My core engaged, flexible, protecting my lower back. I could take a few hits and not fall. My shoulders are away from my ears, my arms out parallel to the ground, forming a “T” on my upper body. I feel the grass, soil, roots, rock, magma earth, holding me strong.
As I hold the pose, I feel the anger surge through my whole body and out my fingertips, as if my hands are a punk that will never go out. I let my seething dissipate out, making way for something else.
Next, we do joy breaths, which is three inhales to one exhale. I am jittery with more anger. I smoke it out with another round of Warrior Two.
Finally, we sit on the ground, our legs angled and out, like playing “roll the ball” as a small child. We practice bending to the sides, in line with each of our angled legs. One arm, over our heads. I feel the tight harness of my inflexible side body muscles stretch – those below my armpits – like I’m wearing a corset that doesn’t accommodate. First, I wince with discomfort. Then, I breathe into the sensation. As rigid as bark, they resist. Then, a little more space.
When the yoga class is over, I am grateful. Now, I can sit and feel into my grief.
Yep. Between a challenge with a dear friend and the recent supreme court decision, grief has handed me a giant buffet of feelings. I’m working on peace. And here’s how you can, too.
A Path to Peace
- Take care of yourself. You might feel overwhelmed or ready to fight, but first is you. Audre Lorde once said “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” You are no good to help if you’re not coming from a full place.
- Complete your stress cycle. Emotions are energy. And big ones cause stress in your body. They sit in your body and disrupt your peace and health. Until you work them out. (That’s what I was doing in my yoga class.) In a helpful and illuminating book called Burnout, you first deal with the energy from the stress before you can the stressor. Here are the authors talking about what you can do. (Think: working out, deep breathing, a good chat/cry, sex, etc.)
- Grieve. A lot of times, things happen that either can’t be undone (like a death or a pandemic) or they challenge a deep-seated belief or expectation you have. (Like I believe, as an American Lesbian Woman, I deserve the same rights as a man, or as a straight woman.) Before we can get the energy to do anything, we need to get to acceptance. Going through the five steps of grief will allow you to Heal. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. It’s not easy. You may have to do it many times. And you might not have a lot of energy during it. So, ask yourself “how can I love myself harder?” And take care of yourself all over again.
- Listen. Once we have scars in place of wounds, we gain energy. We can discern what’s in our control and what’s not. We open the door to listening without being defensive. To different perspectives. To healing and hearing more souls.
- Rise. I believe we, as individuals and as a society, are entering a new phase. Not one where people are right or wrong; win or lose; black or white; red or blue. One where we all find ground to hold and lift ourselves up in our struggles. One where we all come out *just* a little purple.
Don’t know where to begin?
I got you, warrior of the world. Learn to understand your big emotions, grow more patience to listen, and identify folks for your support team in my Peeling Your Onion Experience. Not sure if it’s a good fit? Take the Peeling Your Onion Quiz.
