Welcome to the SoulSanity Four Agreements Series! These stories show how I, Heidi Esther, work on adopting the Four Agreements. What are The Four Agreements? They are four simple, profound ways you can choose to walk in life that will transform it. Given to us by the wise Don Miguel Ruiz, I welcome you to the first agreement: Be Impeccable with your Word.

Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

A quiet office

I stepped into my shared office. My post-lunch belly as happy as a dolphin. The afternoon sun glowing through the mini-blinds.

While it’s nothing fancy, I like my non-profit office. Two uncluttered desks surrounded by filing cabinets, and a clean floor as often as we vacuum. 

The office lights were off. My officemate was behind the door, a few feet from my desk. That’s right, today is her review. Like a ninja, I put away my afternoon chocolate and drew my chair.

And that’s when it happened.

From the other side of the door, I heard, “Yea, and Heidi…”

Like getting slapped awake from a sexy reverie, Did they say my name? Nah, it was probably something similar, like hiding or frightening…

I logged in to my computer, clicked open my email, and BAM! “So, what bothers me about Heidi is…”

Yep. That’s my name alright. Heat rose in my cheeks faster than Popeye eats spinach. My hands whipped back from the keyboard and clenched into fists.

I thought my officemate was my friend. We walk during lunch at the local prairie, she gave me her best lentil loaf recipe, and we dream of starting a lavender farm together. She has issues with me and doesn’t even bother to talk to me first? She can forget about the lavender farm.

The heat from my face slid down into a sad lump in my belly. This is who my officemate is. The only thing I can do is accept her and protect myself. My body relaxed in agreement.

“And then HEIDI…”

Okay, that’s it. The fire kindled anew, a raging flame. My heart thumped like hoofbeats at the Kentucky Derby. A quote from Gandalf in The Two Towers  commanded in my head “ Ride out and meet your enemy head-on.”

I stood up and started pacing. I looked at my manager’s door.

Yes, I can talk to them directly about each issue. I can resolve this. I can make my work environment more efficient and friendly.

I turned and looked at the door to the parking lot. 

Or I can go back home.  No one saw me come in, anyway. I can pretend I wasn’t even here.

Then, I put my hand on my desk chair.

Or I can sit back down and pretend I didn’t hear anything. Then, I can find a way to cut her friendship out of my life, and give her evil death stares behind her back.

I opened the drawer to get my purse. But my body froze. I can deal with this. I took three long breaths to clear my head. I shook out my arms like empty coat sleeves. My heartbeat like a bongo in my ears.

Meeting my Enemy Head-On

I took five steps forward and knocked on my manager’s door. Immediate silence. “Yes??” my manager said, with annoyed overtones. I opened up the door and stood there. Smiles evaporated like water in Arizona. My officemate looked at the carpet. I took one more breath, held my hands for moral support, and began.

“…so Hi! And good afternoon. I got done early, so I came in. I am sorry to interrupt your meeting. I’ve been here for a while, and I could not help but overhear my name…”

I looked back and forth between my manager and my officemate, my voice growing steadier. My legs growing longer. I looked directly at my officemate.

“I would like to help correct any issues that my officemate has with me, so we can make our office better. First, I would like to apologize for any issues you have had with my work style or product. I am very willing to work with both of you to help rectify this…”

My manager smiled. “Yes, Heidi. Thank you for the offer. Your officemate and I would appreciate that. Come on in.”

Fifteen minutes later, I stood up to leave my manager’s office.

My manager nodded in appreciation. “Heidi, thank you for being an adult and addressing this honestly and directly.”

The door closed behind me. I closed my eyes. A wave of happiness flowed down my body, like the lapping of waves on a beach after a storm. I did it.

We had new plans in place for workflow and responsibilities. But, more importantly, I felt…like my outside matched my inside. Honest and Direct.

Read on! Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

POEM: Swallowed

 A picture’s worth
 a thousand words. 

 But a single sentence 
 can swallow you whole.

 I don’t know if you’re smarter than your brother. 
 That working mom barely has time for her kids.
 
and only 
decades later

Why didn’t I know?  
What is my problem? 

you realize
your very words
are still keeping you
swallowed
in the Whale.  

KEEP READING! Agreement 1 / Agreement 2 / Agreement 3 / Agreement 4

Mom-munity Builder

Words can keep you trapped in the darkness your whole life. Or, if you are Impeccable with your Word, they can give you the freedom you have been searching for. Are you ready to adopt the First Agreement?

PROMPT: Skills I use to adopt the First Agreement. For a more thorough understanding, I encourage you to read Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements!

Honesty: You need to be honest with yourself and others to adopt the First Agreement. OR you can live the rest of your life on the “River of Denial”, but you are never going to feel as good as if you were honest.  

Responsibility: Yes, you need to take responsibility for your words and actions. Yep, just like adulting. 

Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for beating yourself and others up with your words. Forgive yourself and apologize to others. The guilt you’ve been carrying around forever just might melt away. 

Bravery: It’s scary to be honest and direct with others.  But it does get easier.

Patience: This is a journey, not a destination. 

Humility: You will need to look at yourself with an honest lens and admit your mistakes. But do not dwell on them. Adopt an attitude that you are a learning and evolving soul.

Perseverance: Failure isn’t fatal. It’s another chance to learn.
Kindness: Being honest and direct doesn’t have to have a side of passive-aggressiveness or dominance.

With love, light, and laughter,

Heidi Esther, your MomSanity Bear

PS Looking for another story about Personal Freedom and being Impeccable with your word? Try this one.