Twelve Days Until Christmas, 2004
I sat there, with my vanity chair drawn next to our bed, in my flannel pjs with the legs rolled up. My ears delighting in the snow tapping on the window pane. The air, a pungent perfume of nail polish. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I reach to my side and cross off two items from my list:
- 100 handmade beaded snowmen ornaments. Check.
- Perfect toenails for Christmas. Check.
I look down with pride. Ten glossy red nails and smooth feet. I am so glad that God gave me these feet. If all else fails, I can always be a foot-model. Definitely my top physical quality.
Three Years + Two kids + One Big Toe later
The podiatrist continues his lecture, bent over a tray of sterilized shiny objects. I fidget on the table and try not to stare at them. Instead I point and flex my right foot, trying to warm it up without a sock on.
“So, Heidi, because you didn’t notice your toe hurting until it was too late, this is your only option.” he finishes. A nurse comes into the room with a large needle.
Well, I bet he wouldn’t remember to do his nails if he had to change and launder 100 diapers a week. Geeze. Maybe it won’t be that noticeable. I can still be a mommy-foot-model.
Two days later, post ingrown-toenail-surgery, during my kids’ nap, I decide it’s time. I get out a flashlight. I go to the bathroom and survey the wreckage. Up-close, the perfect nail is no more. It’s clean and straight and pain-free. But looks unnatural.
What am I going to do now? Tears start cascading down my cheeks. I wipe them away faster than a jack rabbit.
The SoulJourner QUESTion
Without even knowing it, we all adopt labels, from ourselves and others. Mommy’s-little-helper, slow-learner, loudmouth, spender, saver, good son, good daughter, introvert, extrovert, directionally-challenged, indirect-communicator, Proud-member-of-the-tired-parent’s-club, slacker, workaholic, chocoholic. Mommy-foot-model.
There’s a price we pay for these labels. We let ourselves become too attached to them. The consequence? Unhelpful labels keep us suffering when we don’t measure up AND hesitating to learn new stuff. Because the label will shout back at us. Hey! You can’t go zip-lining. You’re afraid of heights! or Hey! You’re an introvert, you don’t want to meet those new people. How to master our labels before they master us? Make your labels like a post-it note.
The Post-it Note Exercise
Are you hesitant to do something you haven’t before? Are you mad at yourself about how something went? Check in with your labels.
STEP 1: Find-your-label prompt: Fill in the following
- Because I am a _____, I don’t want to or feel able to ______.
- Why do I have to be such a ____? If I wasn’t, I would be able to ________.
- I was made to be ____________; there’s nothing I can do about it.
STEP 2: Name it + feel it
The first part of the sentence is your label. This is a lens you are looking at life through right now. Note how it makes you feel. If it’s not helpful and empowering, it’s time to move onto Step 3.
STEP 3: Make it a Post-It
Life is flowing and changing around us. And we give and get different labels at different times. There are two ways you can let go of the grip of your label.
1) Be like Frozen: It might be time to visualize letting that word go. (Or even writing it down and burning it.)
2) Make it an ‘and’. Combine it with another label that feels like it contradicts it to you. Here are some of my ‘and’ labels that help me. Divorced AND Happy. Mommy AND Top-Priority. Writer AND Extrovert. Kind AND Assertive. People AND Animal person.
To be honest, there’s only one label that will let you discover how limitless you are:
Human Being.👊💕🙏
PS I just downloaded an affirmations app called “I am…” It has many different types of affirmations and LOADS of empowering labels. Let me know if you try it!
