Keywords: Anxious mom, Emotional Intelligence Coaching, second guess myself, power to make decisions. Are you ready to know and grow yourself better through emotional wellbeing? Let’s lean in 🙂
Why am I second guessing myself? Does that sound familiar? Today I’ll share a story around one Simple Tool for Anxious Moms and Overwhelmed Professionals Who Want the Power to Make Decisions with Confidence, powered by Emotional Intelligence Coaching.
Whether you’re an exhausted professional or anxious mom who feels pulled in ten directions — from project deadlines to family needs — it’s no wonder that decision-making can feel impossible sometimes.
You might replay conversations, worry about disappointing people, or second guess yourself even after you’ve made a choice.
The truth is, the more stress you’re under, the more your emotional brain takes the driver’s seat — which means both logic and intuition get drowned out.
That’s where emotional intelligence coaching and one simple, overlooked strategy (below) can be a game changer. They help you slow down and build the clarity to make decisions that are aligned with you — not just your stress.
In this post, we’ll explore one example that highlights why the usual “pivot and reframe” strategy sometimes stop working — and how ONE simple Emotional Intelligence Coaching tool can help you regain calm, confidence, and clarity when you need it most.
In The Coaching Session: When you’re an overscheduled professional or anxious mom, it could look like this…
“So, what I’m hearing is that you normally are very quick at making the decisions. Now seems different somehow, things aren’t moving as quickly or as clearly, is that correct?” I asked my coachee.
“Yep. Everything is stirred up,” my coachee answered. I envisioned her brain as a shaken-up snowglobe. I mentally rifled through my rolodex of our past few sessions, landing at a question. She continued.
“I dunno, I guess, like generally I would just try a new way. But now I’m stuck and I had this situation where I was super sad when I would normally be able to figure it out. My parents suggested I try something new. So, that’s how I found you.” she said.
“Okay, so you previously you told me your dad helped you with problem solving. Can you share with me about a time you two talked through a challenge?” I asked then sipped my coffee. Her eyes radiated warmth.
“So, my whenever I don’t know what to do, my dad can help me make a plan.” she said, exhaling completely, as if I just gave her a new oxygen tank at the bottom of the ocean.
“That sounds helpful,” I responded. “What does that look like?” I asked
“Okay, so my dad can be pretty busy. He and I are alike – we get down to business. He helps me make a plan for how to deal with my situation. We look at different angles and strategies. I always come away ready to take action…”
As she shared a couple examples, I could see how her Clifton Strengths of Strategic, Achiever, and Arranger, helped her. And it was likely her dad had some of the same ones. If you’re not familiar with the Clifton Strengths model, here’s a teaspoon of each.
A Strategic thinking strength helps one pop up to the 30,000 foot view of your situation and see the most effective way to a goal – or out of a quagmire. Achiever executing strength helps one complete herculean checklists to achieve said goals. And the Arranger strength helps one execute those goals with adaptable flexibility. She has all three in her top 5. Which means she is a master of the plan, the long haul, and the pivot.
“Okay, so what I’m hearing is that your dad helps you find that shiny gold coin – that way out or around that’s most likely gonna work. Sounds like you both may have similar strengths.” I reflected.
“Oh Yes! Definitely, in some ways.” she concluded, pride in her eyes. I continued by sharing specifics of how her Strategic, Achiever, and Arranger strengths have been helping her out.
“I also remember you saying that some of your friends are envious that you can just get over things when there are issues, can you remind me of that, or share an example?” I asked
Once again, her eyes radiated warmth.
“Sure. Like when I was planning my best friends’ wedding. They were complaining and frustrated about the seating chart for, like, 20 minutes. After listening to them, I could see a way. I guess even though it was technically my problem because I was planning the wedding, and it had to be figured out ASAP I knew it was no big deal and I could figure it out, and even make it better than before.” she stated, proud as a lion.
“That’s certainly impressive, to be calm in those situations.” I said. After summarizing, I asked her if there were any other parts or people she brought in to help her solve problems.
“There’s my mom. The first word I’d use to describe my mom is comfortability. Is that a word? She encourages me, helps me find the silver lining, reminds me that she loves me and that I can figure it out.” she finished.
Everything in her shaken-up snowglobe became clear to me.
Coaching Strategic View: Why You’re Second Guessing Yourself
When we’re under emotional strain — from parenting, relationships, urgent decisions, or endless responsibilities — our nervous system shifts into protection mode.
This makes decision-making feel harder because the body perceives risk, even when none is present. In these charged moments, our emotions stack up and try to get our attention like people frantically waving flags in our face. This is when our mental snowglobe gets a relentless shake.
However, if you weren’t brought up in a feelings-forward family, you move a big wall between the emotion flag-wavers and you. Your distraction of choice. This helps you soothe your nervous system.
What could Distracting yourself look like? Analyzing your feelings with your head, being productive, helping someone out, screens, games, exercise, sex, food, or second guessing yourself. Think of this as saying My snowglobe is not shaken! What snowglobe?
It is important to note that Distracting yourself is, in part, your nervous system calming itself. However, it’s Dangerous to our intuition, clarity, and motivation when we don’t come back after our nervous system is settled.
You’re not alone if you do this. Most of us Distract ourselves from our emotions because living feelings-forward hasn’t been normalized. It’s okay. It’s time to acknowledge our snow globes and resolve our indecision.
Our biology wants us to reset back to safety and comfort. But that doesn’t resolve or bring clarity to the emotion.
My coachee and I discovered that she had relied on her dad’s practical problem-solving and her mom’s mindset reframing. But when life threw her a situation with emotion, neither planning nor reframing could immediately clarify. Why?
We then uncovered her hidden pattern and comfort zone – jumping straight to “fix” mode without giving her emotions space to process.
Back to The Coaching Session
I took out my notepad and wrote down the numbers 1, 2, and 3, with the following words.
- (blank)
- Mindset: Perspective Reframe (mom)
- The Pivot: Effective & Adaptable Strategy (dad)
“So, as you can see, you have some really impressive skills that are honed by overlapping parental strengths. I see one possible addition to your current process at the top of this list that could give you come additional information to help make your decisions clearer. Would you first like to share your reaction and thoughts around it?” I asked as I jotted down the words next to Number One:
- Emotional Processing.
“Absolutely!” My coachee responded, laughed, and leaned in to share. “So, I normally don’t notice my emotions…”
The First Emotional Intelligence Coaching Tool to Help You Make Clearer Decisions
1. Emotional Processing — Feel, Don’t Cover
When you notice discomfort around a choice, pause. Pause to notice what you want in that moment.
Do you want Diet Coke? To dive in fiercely to your to do list? To organize something? This is you body in emotional discomfort, looking for it’s finely-honed coping mechanism.
This awareness is your power. This Pause.
What can you do? Stay. With. It for 90 seconds.
It takes 6 seconds to get to the peak of an emotion; 90 to ride the full chemical wave in your body. Set a timer and sit with it.
Pause to accept the discomfort. Welcome it in like you are an airline attendant and each emotion is coming on your plane. Ask it what it is and what it needs.
This simple awareness allows for intuition to rise, healthier overall emotional and physical wellness AND your prefrontal cortex to activate — the part of the brain responsible for rational decision-making.
Confident Decisions are within your reach!
join my Phoenix Vault and download the Confidence step
The below gives you a link to my Google Drive folder. Resource located in the Confidence & Brilliance Folder!
🌱 Ready to Trust Yourself Again?
If you often feel like an overwhelmed professional or anxious mom juggling too much, know this: you’re not indecisive. You just need tools that help your emotional and logical selves work together again.
Through emotional intelligence coaching, you can learn to quiet that voice that makes you second guess yourself and rediscover your power to make decisions that reflect your true confidence — not your stress.
✨ Ready to feel more grounded, calm, and clear?
Book a quick Clarity session to explore how Emotional Intelligence Coaching can help you move from overthinking to inner knowing. https://HeidiEsther.com/calendar/coffee
