I sat there, yesterday, on my bed. My hot laptop staring right at me. My legs aching from laying flat; my middle-aged back screaming “you know, you have a desk for work now!”
But my stomach and head weren’t listening, despite the nagging. It had been three hours since my last break. All was well. All my tabs closed, well, except….
Except my personal email tab. The purple outline of my google chrome browser was still open at top of my screen, haunting me.
So, there’s an email I am avoiding writing. Yep, I am parked in procrastination-station. When I get up the courage, a crease forms in-between my eyes and my stomach tightens. Here’s the deal.
You see, my teenage son LOVES soccer. He watches all those tiny players on his phone all the time, even though they look like ants on the grass. He took cross country in middle school to stay in shape for high school soccer. Commitment, right?
He’s now a sophomore. And he has an opportunity to join a local traveling team this spring. Three practices a week, one out of town, and tournaments on the weekends. A lot of experience.
And a lot of driving around by yours truly. And it happens to take place at the worst time – during my book and course launch. And during his sister’s high season with theater and archery. I couldn’t see a way to get him to all the stuff and not slamming face-first into burnout again. When he asked me, my whole body wanted to run away and live in a cave.
So, I came up with a plan to solve my I-don’t-want-to-be-a-cavewoman dilemma. I decided to see how bad he wanted it. To see if he would take responsibility and initiative. I told him to ask his Dad to drive him to some practices. I asked him to come up with a plan to mitigate his dehydration-migraines and keep his grades up.
Well, it turned out that he didn’t want to join the team that bad. And, one week later, he told me he already let it go. I can’t believe he didn’t sound disappointed.
But, someone else can’t let it so. Me.
It’s been over a week since I talked to my son. Today is the last day to sign up for the team. And I can’t bring myself to let the soccer coach know that he won’t be on the team.
Shouldn’t I do all the driving? Isn’t that my job? Aren’t I being selfish with focusing on my business?The nights will be late, but I can go back to bed after dropping the kids at school, right? My head, filled to the brim with guilt.
I click on the purple browser, open up an email, and wrote through blurry eyes.
“I am so sorry I didn’t respond to you earlier. We, unfortunately, are not able to have Jonathan on the soccer team this season. Thank you for your wonderful communication and dedication to helping these boys reach their highest potential! with gratitude, Heidi”
The rest of the day I whined to my family about my problem, about how I felt so bad. About how I failed as a supermom. Yes, I was not pleasant to be around.
Today, I got up and decided that I didn’t want to carry this guilt around anymore.
Then, I remembered something. I did a powerful visualization, worked through 5 key steps, and read my permission slip. (What are those? You can find out in the Living Guilt-Free free workshop on YouTube!)
I now feel free as a bird. Well, a mommy bird anyway 😉
TL;DR
Guilt is real. And it doesn’t feel good. Even by those of us who live mostly-guilt free. You can learn quick and effective tools to kick it to the curb in this free workshop. 👇 (link coming 4/15/22 from my YouTube Channel )
The Soul-Journer Question
If you are ready to say goodbye to Guilt and find more Joy, Love, and Purpose – on your own terms – join us in the Joyfully Ever After Facebook Group today!
