Can you guess? Well, they both could be cuddly. Or Colorful. Or a little hole-y. But here’s an answer you may not have guessed: Heather Kokx! This woman crochets chicken sweaters to keep hens safe AND guides you towards your best Y-O-U. As an enneagram coach! Boom, baby.
It is my absolute pleasure to introduce you to Heather Kokx, a SoulSanity Love and Light Warrior! Below is a picture, if you’re like me and haven’t seen a chicken sweater.
Why is she a Love and Light Warrior? Well, Heather has learned from a lot of life lessons. Because of her growth, she now has some pretty awesome superpowers. Like Energy Balancing, Yoga, and Enneagram Coaching. And a deep knowledge of Star Wars.
And, like any other human, she continues to have her own struggles and successes. Today’s story is in Heather’s own words, about one of those struggles and successes.
Heather’s Story: The Key To Confrontation
That morning, I had confronted a co-worker about speaking untruths about me to others. It became a yelling match of, “Don’t lie about me!” and “I didn’t lie about you!”
A witness to the confrontation said to me, “You know, I can see why she was confused. You didn’t say WHAT, exactly, she had lied about. As far as she knows, you were just accusing her of being a liar.”
*sigh*
I rarely get into confrontations. When I do, I always bungle them. I get emotional and my brain turns off. The other person starts saying things that I have no comeback for, no answer, no explanation. I usually just stomp away, as I did that morning.
That night, my head was spinning on the confrontation I KNEW I was going to have the next morning.
My husband sees I’m preoccupied and asks why.
“Because I know I’m going to have another argument with her tomorrow and I’m going to botch that one the same as I botched it this morning. Nothing will be accomplished. I’m horrible at confrontations.”
“Just speak your truth,” my husband says.
“It’s easy for you. Just speak your truth. I DON’T KNOW HOW!”
And then he gave me the best advice I have ever received on how to handle a confrontation.
“You just say what you believe over and over again. ‘You are a bully. You bully me. You bully others. And I’m not going to stand for it anymore.’”
This description is truth. He had been hearing me complain about this co-worker and the things she did to others. No one ever confronted her, so she kept going along like her behavior was okay. Meanwhile, everyone was uncomfortable anytime she was in the room.
Anxiety began to rise within me knowing it is not that simple, confronting a bully.
“She is going to try to change the direction of the conversation,” he says. Don’t let it go there. The discussion will wander away from the point. Just say the same thing, ‘You’re a bully. I’m not going to put up with it anymore.’ Over and over.”
First thing the next morning, the co-worker comes over to me and says, “I was really upset at what happened yesterday. If you told me who said that to you, maybe we three could get together and discuss it.”
I took a deep breath…
“I don’t think so. The truth is, you are a bully. You are a bully to me, to others, and I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”
BLINK (I can tell she is stunned.)
“Can you give me an example?” Luckily, I was prepared and gave her an example of when she was horribly rude and callus to a co-worker. She did not deny the even happened and stood behind her behavior.
At this point, she said something else. I don’t remember what she said because I panicked. I didn’t have answer. And then I remembered, it doesn’t matter. Just say the same thing, over and over again…
“I don’t know what to say about that. All I do know is that you are a bully. You bully me. You bully others. And I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”
And it worked! I was amazed. The conversation went on a bit from there. At no time did I feel out of control or in the wrong for standing up for myself. I was standing in my truth. I was not being swayed.
It was AMAZING!
Story courtesy of Heather Kokx, 2021
The Soul-Journer Question
NOTE of CAUTION: Before practicing the exercise below, PLEASE READ THIS. Do not try this exercise if you feel unsafe. Emotionally or Physically.
In Heather’s story, she had the support of both her coworkers and her husband. And, while I don’t know the details, it seems she was not likely to lose her job by speaking her truth. Please investigate your options and build up a support network.
FROM HEATHER: Can you do it? Can you stand in your truth?
And so, I share my husband’s amazing advice with you. When in an argument with someone who is not honoring a boundary, figure out your truth. Then stand in it. Speak your truth over and over making it clear there is no other answer. The boundary is set, and you will not bend.
The 411 on this soulful Colorado-ian!
Heather Kokx is a yoga instructor, energy healer, enneagram coach and happiness coach. Her main goal is to help people find a foundation of happiness in their lives. Using her unique training, tools learned on her own healing journey, and her own life experiences, Heather guides people with acceptance and compassion to open up to self-discovery and self-love.
Heather has been helping people for 20+ years to resolve issues, remove negative beliefs and patterns, and walk confidently forward on their journey to healing and happiness.
She is known for being easy going and genuine and clients appreciate the feeling of safety she provides. “Learn to love yourself. You were given this life to grow and shine your light toward others. Shine your unique and beautiful light. The world needs it.”
You can find Heather at www.heatherkokx.com. To schedule a free 15-minute enneagram consultation, go to https://heatherkokx.com/enneagram-coaching
